I think my husband has a gambling problem. My husband loves playing cards and going to the casino at least 4-5 times a year but he also bets on sports - baseball, basketball, football, horses - you name it. I don't know how often he bets but his bookie is programmed into his phone and I have seen calls almost weekly at times. I have also found his "notes" cannot make out if he's winning or losing though. He doesn't touch our $$ b/c I control the finances and nothing is missing but I fear that he has a nice stash on the side to fuel his habit.
We've been married for 5 years and I have been wanting to buy a house for a good three years but we're only approved for so much and mainly based on my income b/c he doesn't make much on paper (runs a cash business). I have no idea how much money he really makes and when I ask him he says "can't you figure it out but what I deposit every 2 weeks" - I have also asked him if he's gambling from time to time (usually when I find the sports section all marked up) and of course he says no or he was helpiong so-and-so pick teams...
How bad is this type of addicition? Does a little hurt a lot?
It really depends on how he feels when he gambles. If he gets a 'high' from it, it can become addtictive. When I was young, my dad rarely went to casinos (were not any in our state at that time) but played cards once a week & one of the players was a bookie. It progressed from there to several sports where he'd have multiple TVs and radios going to view the games. My parents were 'old school', my mom was a SAHM and had no idea of my dad's finances, other than he inherited millions in $ and real estate from his father and had is own successful company, so as long as the family was taken care of, she didn't ask.
Within 10 years, the electric and water were shut off, the house was up for foreclosure (my mom found out from a neighbor that called and saw it in the paper...what a nightmare) He sold off the last of his real estate and paid of their house. My mom started working full-time as a secretary, trying to learn computers since she hadn't worked since the early 60's and began drinking heavily. She died of liver disease at 56.
My dad continued to gamble, did not pay his bills or taxes and us 5 kids kept bailing him out to save his house...eventually, we fixed it up and sold it, and found him an apartment. We sat him down and asked him to allow us to handle his finances to make sure he had food and a roof over his head. He refused and we said we were done bailing him out. He didn't pay rent and was evicted...he spent his days at the casino. I ended up finding an independent living home which included meals (he would gamble his food money) but he still refused to turn over his check an eventually was evicted from there...He is living with my sister now...turns his check to her and she gives him spending money...he cannot drive, so can no longer gamble. He is 86...it can get REALLY bad if he's addicted.
I don't know what a "cash business" is, but if he does work for people, doesn't he invoice them? I would think legally for taxes he needs a paper trail...otherwise, I'm not sure how you will be able to see what's going on...but if he is able to hide cash and you see all of these signs that he is gambling, he very well may be deeper into it than you'd like to hear.
Swedish, thanks so much for your story. I initially thought it was just a hobby - playing cards with the guys, going to the casino every now and them but I think you're right - he may be in deeper than I want to hear and deeper than he wants to admit. He always says how he doesn't frequent casinos often (as an addict in his mind would) yet he has no idea that I know about the sports betting and the fact that he denied it each time I brought it up should be a clear sign of this.
I'm not sure if your h is headed down the same path as my dad, but it's good that you watch for the signs. I don't gamble, but if I put $5 in the pot when I play Bunko with the neighbor ladies, I could care less who wins/loses...chatting with other women is the draw for me whether there's money involved or not.
I think people that lean towards gambling addictions feel totally differently...where the idea of winning gives them a 'high'...have you ever asked him how he feels when he's gaming at the casino? I'm not sure if he'd be honest if he knows where you're going with that question but just a thought.
Okay, it sounds like he does like to spend money on his sports. It right now really does not sound like it is to much out of hand. But, then again you, are unable to say how much he really is betting at a time. Because he is not gambling to much though each year; to say he has a bad gambling problem. There are many of other people out here in the world who, are people who are stuck on spending money on anything that they could win on. They also do it more than four to five times a year. So, that part you are safe on...
Now, if you are looking to get a house
Like you've told us here in this posting. He will also have to understand that he cannot be spending so much money on him and his games. He also should not be hiding this from you. All it will do in the long run is cause him to end up losing you. I know myself I hate being lied too. I do not lie to people and I do not like it when I am lied too; that's for sure. Now, I know you are the same way. But your husband he just does not seem to care- he also lets that be known to you;many of times when you two fight. He makes sure he says "I do not care" that right there is enough to break someones heart... Exceptionally when the person is always doing something to hurt you. You have let him known many of times that he needs to change his ways, he needs to show you more love; he needs to start helping you out.(The rest will be unsaid- this was to show you- I really do have ESP and I do what is going on)
But right now though he is not into it to bad
He has a lot of other things going on in his life though that he does have to change- you, really need to let him know he will end up losing you if he doesn't change his ways