Z3R0_KAT

me and my husband smoke, we enjoy it very much. its our relaxing time, (hes 28 im 21) so no if your both ok with it i dont see anything wrong with it.

Gammyleg

Weed f*cked my life & marriage of 22years. Simple as.
Thats why i'm on this forum.

Gammy

alphaomega

Was it the weed, Gammy, or were you using the weed as a replacement for not having to think about what was "missing" in your relationship? Just curious.

janesmith

married 17 years. we smoke together and I alone. its not a problem. it makes for awesome sex. hes 42 and im 41.

Gammyleg

A very good point. Yes, there were things not quite right with the relationship and our personal circumstances were not all that great at the time so I started back on the weed to get through it rather than discussing them with my wife. The problem was that the weed was an 'easy-out' solution and the underlying problems were still there only I didn't care anymore. Pretty soon all my emotions just become dead and for my wife it was like living with a stranger. I've been off it now for 5 months and I am a completely different person. People that I know who don't smoke have spotted the change, those that do smoke haven't 'cos there just too f*cked-up to notice.
I will never touch that sh*t again.

Gammy

ps. Yes the sex can be somewhat amazing, although by itself it's not enough to save your marriage.

WhirlyGig

I dont think anyone would deny that Substance Abuse - no matter what that substance was (Alcohol, Cannabis, Cocaine, Pain Meds, Sleeping Pills) is harmful -pretty much to everything that's alive - including a relationship. But I don't think that was the question was it?

My experience: I've been smoking "the odd spliff" for a very long time. In my twenties, it was rather more than that - but in the end I needed to study, get a career etc...so settled down. It reached a stage comparable with casual drinking - the odd night in the week if feeling particularly stressed and/or the odd weekend night out (or in)

When I met my partner, she was riding alongside. Unfortuantely, however, whilst out on her own one night and with a bunch of people who had just got hold of some v strong weed (skunk) she had what can only be described as "Cannabis Psychosis" She was seeing devils, evil, became paranoid for days. Once re-grounded she vowed never to smoke "that evil stuff" again.
I vowed, not to smoke it around her - and if I really wanted a puff I would either leave it until after she went to bed, and at worst go down the bottom of the garden.
One Spring, I was growing my own - never really like buying the stuff off a dealer - and she said how much she approved of this and in fact said how much she loved the look of the plants. Summer came and went and I harvested the crop (prob about 50g max)
One evening, after a particularly stressful day (Friday), our 3 yr old daughter was fast asleep - and as often happened my partner appeared to have fallen asleep with her too - I decided to have a smoke.
Ahh......bliss -peace, quiet, relaxed.
About 30 mins later I heard our daughter crying and popped into her room and settled her back down to sleep -no worries.
When I got back downstairs, however I saw my very stern, angry looking, arm folded partner who quite out of the blue, just said "What the hell do you think you are doing, going near our daughter in that state?"
Erm......Ok! Looks like we need a conversation about this at some point -prob not now though!
I think I said that I didn't think it would be a problem, please calm down, if it bothers you that much, I won't until we have a proper chat about it, etc.....
The response was categorical: You must promise me right now that you will never smoke that stuff again or else I will take your daughter away from you!
Wow! I bit heavy - and a bit sudden!
Yes I think I know what may have been going on - She was remembering her own experience, and as a mother should, felt she was protecting our daughter.
I repeated the "I won't until we have had a chat about it"
"I dont want to talk about it" - promise me NOW, I dont want a drug addict around my daughter!

Now, just to put a little more context to this situation:

I hadn't actually smoked in about a year (It is really not that important to me!) however in the last 3 months: My Nan had died, my mother had been diagnosed with rapid onset dementure and my father had suffered a massive heart attack and was recovering from triple bypass and double valve replacement surgery and dealing with all of it was frankly - just me! (My siblings were spread around the world at this point)

This situation did get rather worse with my partner making more threats, calling the police around (it probably didn't help her perception, when they came and did nothing and put it down to a domestic dispute)

Things have settled down now - but the whole subject it just a no go area - I've made some assurances, but haven't committed to giving it up forever, she has reluctantly let it go - but the subject in banned and even if it pops up in normal conversation (even if it is others' conversation, or something on the tv) her mood will be visibly impacted.

Right - now the question: Is the cannabis the real problem here?

axw

I think this is the key here. My wife and I do smoke together, and only together. We do it responsibly (yes you can partake in responsible drug use). The point is that we have set boundaries and it is not all-consuming for either one of us.

One of the biggest problems is that people don't always see the real issues and tend to lay blame on the wrong thing. ANYTHING can be abused! It doesn't have to be just limited to the above abused items that WhirlyGig mentions. Fast food can be abused! However because it's legal and socially acceptable, people don't realize the real implications. Well people are starting to, but how long has it taken? What about television addiction? Porn addiction? There are SO MANY things that can take away from marriage. And although this adage is old and worn out, it is truthful - the key to everything is moderation.

I read about couples whose marriage is in shambles because one partner would rather watch porn than have sex, and on the flip side, I read about couples who occasionally use porn to spice things up. I'm not making an argument for or against porn here, I'm just pointing out the moderation in the latter example.

Don't get me wrong - couples can abuse ANYTHING together and are probably going to have problems. The minute one or both partners makes something a priority over the other partner, it becomes an issue. I'm not saying it's OK for a married couple to go out and get high every single day to the point that it affects their jobs, kids, etc, but because they're doing it together, it's OK. That clearly isn't moderated use. But to answer the OPs question "Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?" - and I'm going to infer that it means "in a successful relationship" then the answer is yes, in moderated use. I doubt that if I or my wife (or both) had an addiction to pot would I be able to answer the same.

VeryShyGirl

My husband and I have been together for 8 years now, VERY HAPPILY MARRIED. I feel blessed to have such an awesome relationship.

He doesn't smoke at all. I do. It has NEVER caused problems and that is the truth. Through the years I've come to understand why I am attracted to it and seriously believe it is a more natural way (along with lots of strenuous exercise) to combat my depressive tendencies. I've smoked pot for years and posess a PhD in Physics... pot has not ruined me or my marriage by any stretch of the imagination.