Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?
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Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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Old 10-05-2010, 10:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

I'm wondering because my fiance doesnt want me to, not because she doesnt like weed but because she feels it'll ruin our relationship. I'm only 24, I like to do it occasionally with friends. I'm not looking for people to tell me to stop or that its illegal, its legal here. So any of you smoke?
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Old 10-05-2010, 10:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

No I don't smoke, but I assume this is like any hobby or habit that a significant other doesn't particularly like - smoking, drinking, porn, etc. If its legal where you are, then that's not a reason to quit.

Did she say why she thinks it will affect your relationship? I think that would be very telling in whether it is something you stop doing.

The other factor is....long term, can she truly love you enough to be ok with you smoking occasionally, and not just say she is ok with it and then get resentful and 5 years down the road lash out at you for it....or can you truly love her enough to be ok with stopping for her and not lash out later on because she is trying to control you?

Its not really so much about whether you do or don't as if one of you is committed enough to the relationship to change fo and/or accept who the other person is.
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Old 10-16-2010, 04:43 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

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Originally Posted by johnjohn View Post
I'm wondering because my fiance doesnt want me to, not because she doesnt like weed but because she feels it'll ruin our relationship. I'm only 24, I like to do it occasionally with friends. I'm not looking for people to tell me to stop or that its illegal, its legal here. So any of you smoke?
"Weed" as you call it has ruined many many relationships. Depends at what age you started, how susceptible you are to biological changes in your brain and if your brain has/had stopped growing.

It just depends. But depending on the age you started at you have a 3 out 4 chance of ending up somewhat mentally ill and quite seriously dysfunctional. I’m guessing you’re either in Holland or a specific area of California? I’ve quite a few Dutch friends who fear going back to Holland because of the violent and aggressive nature produced by the “great weed experiment”.

So of course your wife is right in what she says. Weed can seriously damage your marriage.

Bob
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Old 10-16-2010, 07:46 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

Leaving aside personal opinions and legalities, if she thinks it will hurt your relationship, it would be a very good idea to stop if you value your relationship.

If one partner has an objection to smoking weed, and the other partner continues to smoke it knowing about the objection, it will cause problems. The partner that doesn't smoke will grow to resent the one who does for not valuing their feelings. The partner that smokes will grow to resent the one who doesn't for not supporting their habit/hobby.

Especially given that you say that it's not that she doesn't like weed, I have to think there's another very serious reason why she feels it will ruin your relationship. I'm thinking you may end up having to choose between weed and your relationship. You might want to start considering which one you would choose.
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Old 10-25-2010, 01:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

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"Weed" as you call it has ruined many many relationships. Depends at what age you started, how susceptible you are to biological changes in your brain and if your brain has/had stopped growing.

It just depends. But depending on the age you started at you have a 3 out 4 chance of ending up somewhat mentally ill and quite seriously dysfunctional. I’m guessing you’re either in Holland or a specific area of California? I’ve quite a few Dutch friends who fear going back to Holland because of the violent and aggressive nature produced by the “great weed experiment”.

So of course your wife is right in what she says. Weed can seriously damage your marriage.

Bob
That is utterly false. The incidence of marijuana use has multiplied by several times over the last 20 years and the incidence of schizophrenia has fallen. Don't let anyone lie to you about the ill-effects of marijuana, none of these scare stories has been proven.

Holland has one of the lowest violent crime rates in the world

List of countries by intentional homicide rate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Alcohol has caused much more damage to marriages than marijuana ever will.
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Old 10-25-2010, 02:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

i'll be the rebel! My husband & I have been together 8 years and we smoke. However: we have rules!!! we don't smoke on work nights and we smoke in the comfort of home, treating it as though it would be drunk driving to drive baked. Thus we take full responsibility for our usage.
That said, if you are ultra responsible and don't have an addictive personality then I believe it is possible to use it recreationally in a marriage safely. I believe strongly in being respectful of your spouse's feelings on it... which I imagine is why you're asking to begin with =)
Im madly in love with my husband and our private use of mj brings us relaxation in our busy lives. Again... it's not for everyone and a matter of personal choice/responsibility.
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Old 10-25-2010, 05:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

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That is utterly false. The incidence of marijuana use has multiplied by several times over the last 20 years and the incidence of schizophrenia has fallen. Don't let anyone lie to you about the ill-effects of marijuana, none of these scare stories has been proven.

Holland has one of the lowest violent crime rates in the world

List of countries by intentional homicide rate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Alcohol has caused much more damage to marriages than marijuana ever will.
You people always fail in their argument when they make comparisons and justifications with alcohol. And you did it right off the bat, no messing. Two wrongs never made a right

Bob
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Old 10-26-2010, 06:35 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

@Bob,
I dunno, i have multiple friends who smoke weed. They generally become happy, peaceful or lazy after smoking. Some of the ones who drink though, have a tendency to become more aggressive. Then again, there are people who drink and become happy too. I'm not an expert though, this is just based on my experiences with people who've done one of the two or both. From my very very limited personal experience with weed i classified weed as a mood enhancer because it seems to amplify the mood you're in before you smoke it.

I've always thought of weed as alcohol but let me explain what that means. As social habits (one joint once every week/month, for a party for enjoyment or one glass of wine for dinner, at a party etc) are perfectly ok.

Drinking till you get drunk everyday or smoking weed on a daily basis, however, aren't a great idea. Whether they do damage to your brain, health and so on, let's leave this aside for the moment because people often argue on these. But both of them tend to disconnect you from the world because your attention will be somewhere else. This way, most people who are either drunks or weeders will tend to be the "less responsible", "i'll do it another time", "i don't really care what's going on" kinda people. From my own personal experience, it's hard to rely on either category or take them seriously as responsible adults. It's hard to have a mature relationship with them, as a result. That's strictly my opinion though and there may be people out there who don't have this type of problem.
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Old 10-26-2010, 07:37 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

Hi Nekko, it’s the denial of the health risks by those that smoke is what I find strange. Never heard a cigarette smoker deny the health risks or the addictive nature of the habit. Accept a few who’ll say my grandfather smoked till he died at 85 or something. Only people who deny the health risks of alcohol are alcoholics.

With weed or whatever it’s called I know parents in their 60s who fundamentally believe their sons big time mental health problems started out with weed. I also know men in their 50s who are trying and struggling to get off of weed.

I was a teenager in the 60s when purple hearts and stuff were all the rage. I never went there at all. Last year round some friends after a meal and a few drinks the guy trying to get off of weed rolled the longest smoke I’d ever seen in my life, it was a pure work of art. Of course it got handed around and I had a go. One inhalation was enough for me. My mind was altered almost instantly, like a removal of my instinctual inhibitions. No way was I going to go there so I thanked them for a very nice evening and upped and left. This was at 2 in the morning with a five mile walk home.

I’ve discussed weed with the most seasoned campaigners for it’s legalisation. One is well known in the States having done things to deliberately antagonise the law in order to get jailed and highlight his crusade. He was “successful” in doing this three times. You know what? That guy is in his 50s and hasn’t a penny to his name, doesn’t even own a home. So what good has it done him I wonder.

All of these seasoned campaigners use as their “weapon of last resort” that weed is supposedly not as bad as tobacco or alcohol, their argument always comes down to that and defaults to the same thing. Every single time. My younger son always uses that argument.

But. The enlightened campaigners for weed’s legalisation do most certainly accept that weed has medium term exceedingly serious mental health problems for those that start when they are young. That is if they start before their brain has stopped growing. It never does in fact as cells are replaced every minute of the day. So what’s to be done? Make weed legal for those say after age 30? But that then just gives the green light for everyone under that age to go ahead with the stuff. Much like legally buying cigarettes at age 16 does for the under 16s.

As far as Holland is concerned I’ve heard arguments both for and against legalisation. Two Dutch social workers I know are very much for it. These two spent many years helping heroin addicts etc. Other Dutch people I know simply don’t like going back home because of what the legalisation of weed has done to their country.

When anybody says weed is not as bad as cigarette smoking or alcohol to me they haven’t done the research of the effects of what they are doing to themselves, especially the younger ones. And if they have done the research and still smoke when then they are in denial, very much like the person who is an alcoholic.

Bob
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Old 10-26-2010, 07:46 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

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Originally Posted by Nekko View Post
This way, most people who are either drunks or weeders will tend to be the "less responsible", "i'll do it another time", "i don't really care what's going on" kinda people. From my own personal experience, it's hard to rely on either category or take them seriously as responsible adults. It's hard to have a mature relationship with them, as a result. That's strictly my opinion though and there may be people out there who don't have this type of problem.
Yes, that's exactly what happens. It's a way they use not to face up and overcome the issues that are deeply bothering them.

There “happiness” is at the bottom of a bottle or the end of a joint. It’s not from long term dedication and hard work to the realisation of a dream. That’s why so many are poor and penniless which just adds to their eventual despair and suicidal tendencies. Their happiness doesn’t come from a good game of golf or tennis or a long walk through the forest. It will be there at the bottom of the bottle or at the end of a joint. Yeh. Righto.

Bob
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Old 10-26-2010, 07:52 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

Here's a thought. Smoking cigarettes was once considered "a good hobby". If a man smoked he had a good hobby lol.

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Old 10-26-2010, 10:17 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

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"Weed" as you call it has ruined many many relationships. Depends at what age you started, how susceptible you are to biological changes in your brain and if your brain has/had stopped growing.

It just depends. But depending on the age you started at you have a 3 out 4 chance of ending up somewhat mentally ill and quite seriously dysfunctional. I’m guessing you’re either in Holland or a specific area of California? I’ve quite a few Dutch friends who fear going back to Holland because of the violent and aggressive nature produced by the “great weed experiment”.

So of course your wife is right in what she says. Weed can seriously damage your marriage.

Bob

Thanks, Nancy Reagan, but you forgot the part about how jazz musicians and Mexicans smoke it. Care to cite any vetted sources on any of the statements you make here?
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Old 10-26-2010, 10:55 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Thanks, Nancy Reagan, but you forgot the part about how jazz musicians and Mexicans smoke it. Care to cite any vetted sources on any of the statements you make here?
With that attitude no way. You go ahead and enjoy your smoke, sounds like you need one.

Bob
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Old 10-27-2010, 03:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

Ok, to answer the OP's original question. I had a similar experience when I was in my 20s.

My girlfriend, who had previously been an enthusiastic smoker decided to quit and asked me to do the same. She suddenly became anti-marijuana and also anti the friends who I smoked with.

The reality of the situation was that she was insecure, with reason as it turned out, and saw this part of my life as a threat to her. Does your girlfriend want you to stop because she is worried about your health? Is she against it morally? Or does she feel threatened by the group you smoke with and what you get up to?

Try and find out why and then decide if her reasons are valid and you feel it is worth giving up for her sake.

My wife and I are both successful professionals with two healthy, well-adjusted kids and we smoke regularly. Our marriage has lasted 10 years and we have been together for 16. We have had our issues, like any other couple, but so far we have managed to overcome them.

Marijuana has played no part in the difficulties we have had and has not prevented us from being successful and happy. Often a therapeutic smoke on the terrace followed by a cuddle and love-making session has helped us to deal with the stresses and strains of daily life.

Should you smoke? No, of course not. Drawing hot smoke into your lungs is a bad idea, but we need to be balanced and mature about our approach to one of the least harmful drugs known to mankind. This 'evil weed' paranoia just makes kids lose faith in the judgement of adults, with negative consequences when it comes to truly dangerous drugs like cocaine and heroine.
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Old 10-27-2010, 08:31 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Anyone of you in a long term relationship smoke weed?

Well having come across this forum only this evening this post prompted me to sign up and comment.

Speaking from my own experience, I can say that weed contributed largely towards ruining my first marriage. 14 years, four of which were married. The fact that it took ten years to get her to agree to marry is actually one symptom of it.
She Smoked from the start, I had done very occasionally while I was at college, but I had stopped because I didn't like the affect it had on my head.
She told me that she only smoked typically one spliff a day, but after we were divorced, mutual friends told me that she smoked up to 10-12 a day.
It was very difficult to get anything done. Things like buying a house, building towards a better life would drift... and drift.... and drift.. eventually we bought a house but it was entirely through my efforts and funding. She sometimes had jobs - things below her ability level which didn't require her to think - but somehow her money never made it into the household budget.
There was a big lack of care about her environment - it was impossible to keep the house clean - and the sex dropped away to almost none. She got very enthusastic about some quite whacky projects and then would lose interest after a few days. Nothing got completed or seen through, or planned.
Towards the end of the time we were together things and money started disappearing. Something you associate more with "hard" drugs or alcoholism. However, it did happen.
I had put down the end of our marriage to "growing apart", but I can see that the listlessness, lack of motivation, and the underlying singleminded pursuit of happiness through the weed rather than the marriage is actually a very big part of what happened.

There were at least two occasions when I came back from a few days on a business trip to find her having a psychotic episode.
None of the above did I put down to the weed at the time, however, I have come across quite similar cases and hearing about those and thinking of my own situation, suddenly it all came together, and a lot of "bizzarre" behaviour on her part then made sense.

Yes, cannabis is addictive - Yes there are people in rehab on cannabis only addictions, who have difficulty withdrawing. And yes, like every addiction it takes the number one place in the addicts life - which should be occupied by your spouse.
Using friends are not really friends but fellow users, again like all the other abusable substances.
Those who are addicted to it display all the same lies, manipulation and denial m blame of others, of the other substance abusers. However weed in particular is subject to a lot of denial by its users.

That said, like with alcohol it is possible to be an occasional user. However, to the original poster, you will find that the altered state it puts you in will mean that you will find yourself on a different wavelength to your partner some or all of the time. Even if you are an occasional user that is still something that could come between you. At the very least there is a part of your life that you can't take her to or share with her, at the worst, you are on different planets altogether.
By posting this question you are already indicating that using is important enough for you to ask the question " Don't tell me to stop"..
I'm not doing that, just describing possible consequences and confirming that it can ruin relationships, as you asked.
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