ALCOHOL-drawing the lines...

freeshias4me · 07-17-2008, 08:41 PM

What IS the fine line when it comes to alcohol?
At what point are you "just" someone who likes one or 2 (or more drinks a day)...And at what point do you become an alcoholic?
(I heard if you "need" even one drink day, you're already an alcoholic...)
My brother has been told to cut back his alcohol by his doctor, because he is developing a fatty liver...But no one would EVER call him an alcoholic...
But my husband??? I'm trying to figure out where he lies.
I think he may be dependant on alcohol.

mommy22 · 07-18-2008, 09:22 AM

You'll probably get a different definition from everyone, but I honestly think that if you "need" even one a day, you're an alcoholic. I don't think one a day would necessarily be detrimental, but it's more the notion of dependency as a coping mechanism. Does he get headaches or nervous when he doesn't have it? Is it the ONLY way he can relax? I get headaches if I don't have my coffee every morning. I don't drink any caffeine for the rest of the day, but I still realize I have a caffeine addiction. If I don't get it, I'm moody and taking headache medicine. I think my husband (a recovering addict) would agree.

draconis · 07-18-2008, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy22

You'll probably get a different definition from everyone, but I honestly think that if you "need" even one a day, you're an alcoholic. I don't think one a day would necessarily be detrimental, but it's more the notion of dependency as a coping mechanism. Does he get headaches or nervous when he doesn't have it? Is it the ONLY way he can relax? I get headaches if I don't have my coffee every morning. I don't drink any caffeine for the rest of the day, but I still realize I have a caffeine addiction. If I don't get it, I'm moody and taking headache medicine. I think my husband (a recovering addict) would agree.

draconis

justean · 07-19-2008, 03:53 PM

its actually ( in a nice way) nice to look at this thread. i have for many years considered my husband to be an alcoholic. he is of course in great denial. says he drinks to relax, but his prob is he dont know when to take a step back, dont know when enough is enough.
i agree that ppl will have different versions.
but no one would say my hubby is an alcoholic. he has a couple almost every night and weekends ( well i just hate weekends at the moment). goes all sullen , eyes draw to a near close, falls asleep, leaving me to sort out our children and me left alone at night to twiddle my thumbs.

i personally think that an alcoholic is someone that drinks like my hubby. an almost everyday occurrence.

the funny thing is though, my hubby attended his local drs, who diagnosed depression. the tablets did help. but i do think his drink had a lot to do with his depression. but and you guessed it - did he actually tell his dr about his drinking habits, the answer was NO.
his gp was given the impression , my hubby does not touch a drop.
i just wish i was there.

draconis · 07-21-2008, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justean

its actually ( in a nice way) nice to look at this thread. i have for many years considered my husband to be an alcoholic. he is of course in great denial. says he drinks to relax, but his prob is he dont know when to take a step back, dont know when enough is enough.
i agree that ppl will have different versions.
but no one would say my hubby is an alcoholic. he has a couple almost every night and weekends ( well i just hate weekends at the moment). goes all sullen , eyes draw to a near close, falls asleep, leaving me to sort out our children and me left alone at night to twiddle my thumbs.

i personally think that an alcoholic is someone that drinks like my hubby. an almost everyday occurrence.

the funny thing is though, my hubby attended his local drs, who diagnosed depression. the tablets did help. but i do think his drink had a lot to do with his depression. but and you guessed it - did he actually tell his dr about his drinking habits, the answer was NO.
his gp was given the impression , my hubby does not touch a drop.
i just wish i was there.

My brother use to drink a beer or two a night before bed. He was diagnosed as an alcoholic for ten beers a week! Regular drinking, the feeling of needing them or binge drinking can be just as bad as those that get plastered. They have the same problem and are one step from going over the edge. Most people would never think they could be the one.

draconis

mommy22 · 07-22-2008, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

My brother use to drink a beer or two a night before bed. He was diagnosed as an alcoholic for ten beers a week! Regular drinking, the feeling of needing them or binge drinking can be just as bad as those that get plastered. They have the same problem and are one step from going over the edge. Most people would never think they could be the one.

draconis

It's so easy for alcohol to lead to other substance abuse and poor decision making as well. Many of my poor decisions made in the past were under the influence of alcohol. It has to be done in moderation and kept in check. That one or two beers could've easily led to three, then four... Not to mention the damage that wiil be done to kidneys and liver.

justean · 07-22-2008, 02:21 PM

thankfully i have only had the alcohol to deal with, but thankyou for your lovely mail. it really is just that, not getin plastered everynight. its the feeling of needing it.
there was only the one time of being over the edge and that was where he got to admit that he had a prob, family could just not take it n e more.although like i said the gp did not know about the real intake of alcohol.

i d actually like to see what my hubbys kidneys and liver look like.
being a nurse ive seen a lot.

but for my hubby - you know he is very , very , very rarely ill. he did smoke but gave up 20 years ago.
now me, i very rarely drink, i dont smoke. when i go , im on the organ donor list and yet im always having ailments. when im gone, they probably wont want me.....lol

freeshias4me · 07-23-2008, 10:01 PM

...And don't you hate that? I'm like that too...Don't smoke or take drugs, don't drink exessively, yet I'm the one who's always sick...Yet others take their health for granted and throw it away.

justean · 07-24-2008, 07:22 AM

your a star. ive got a head cold now. had 3 in 7 weeks. i blame working in a hospital. but you make me laugh and coff at the same time.
i asked my hubby the other day. as since you started your thread, you got me thinking more. i actually said to my hubby, i think your an alcoholic. he looked me in the eye and said no.
so i asked him to define an alcoholic.
his answer was someone who depends on it throughout each day to get by.
i lost my uncle a number of years ago. he was an alcoholic . alcohol was what he lived for. ive seen other alcoholics through my work and they are just as dependant. sneaking bottles into work. smelling of it all day. dont eat, alcohol for breakfast , dinner and tea and for inbetween snacks.
my hubby has and this depends , usually 3 after work. more when its hot weather. family bbqs have not helped for the past 4 weeks. so i ve had to shelve and limit them. koz its one bottle after another. he has got rid of stupid friends who dose him up with extra pints on the bar, so he doesnt come home(in the past).
n e thing in moderation is acceptable.
ive had different periods of drink issues with my hubby over the years. its actually the worst times of his life, that he gave up.
stop drinking fro 6 months after dad died, vowed never to drink again.
laugh
and this yr in april08 , one night stand fuelled by drink and mates egging him on and an antidepressive tablet. then he stopped drinking for 3 months.
but since then , has not drank in a pub , only around me.
ohhhh arent i the lucky one.

freeshias4me · 07-24-2008, 04:08 PM

Your husband had a one night stand?! :0
I've debated if I could forgive my husband if he ever did that to me...
Not much chance of it though, he's usually not got enough sex drive to even give me much...LOL

My husband's definition of an alcoholic is someone who sits and does nothing all day and drinks. He's not an alcoholic for some reason if he's working hard and drinking. :0

PSJ71 · 07-24-2008, 08:51 PM

There are definite degrees of alcoholism. My husband is an alcoholic, but he won't admit it. He does not drink every day, but EVERY time his family gets together, they have to make it a point to make the event happen around alcohol. His mother is very, very bad. She works in a nursing home and her days off change each week. She doesn't work the normal 5 days with 2 days off. But when she is off she STAYS drunk the entire time. She just came up for a week's vacation and she pretty much stayed lit the entire time. We have a 6-1/2-year-old and when she is not drinking he will make references like, "you wanna some more beer gramma?" Once in a convenience store she went in to buy some pop and took him in with her, and he said right in front of everyone "You gonna get some beer gramma?" So, she does it so much that even he knows. I didn't drink when I first got with my husband, but had one once in a blue moon, but I have stopped it completely because I feel as if I condone it. It has caused a lot of problems in our relationship which is why I am here. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do about it.

Like I said, it's not every day, but usually when he goes out with his dad and brother, he will get totally wasted. There have been other problems in our relationship besides the drinking, but his family is the cause for most of it. I really think my husband would stop if it weren't for his family. So, what do you do when your mate's family are the bad influences?

justean · 07-25-2008, 07:11 AM

with my hubby over the 13 yrs, i have had different situations that arise with drink, some i coped with and some i did not. in this time a couple of his friends had tried to split us up.
my answer to this was hubby was a mouse not a man. stuck up for his stupid friends over a loving wife and 2 children.
he is a follower not a leader.
when hubby had the one night stand - to answer freesia4me, you deal with situations when they arise , its no good thinking about the whats, ifs , maybes. were working through it. i dont forget, but i do forgive. its the forgiveness that can take you through.
back to the alcohol. on the night hubby went out, fuelled by drink, aggressive - but i believe his mate was so adamant hubby ws staying out, he fuelled the fire for him, pushed the pints and wound up hubby all night, what an awful wife i was etc.
then he told hubby to go and ;;;; her and he would cover up for him. drink with anti depressants is a no no, he still wont listen.
but he is a different person now.
however 4 weeks ago. we starting having family over for weekends. it quickly turned into a every fri,sat and sun drinking.
luckily i came onto this thread and talked to my mother. so thankyou so much for starting this. it made me strong.
that night i told my hubby i am not taking this n e more. its me or the excess drinking, i say that , because sincerely i dont mind n e thing in moderation.
i came to the conclusion that i love my husband , but if i cannot have him, then i wont. but i finally accepted that i dont have to fall out of love with my husband to leave him.
i just know that i have taken about as much as i can in 13 yrs and the one night stand. i wil not wait for a new phase of excess drinking to start again. my mind really is set now that i would have to move on.

Mrs. Negestie · 07-25-2008, 08:12 AM

If you need a drink everyday are you need a drink that means you are alcoholic. If you were just drinking that would be somthing different but if need somthing that means that you are now dependent of it.