Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
Well we are not really married yet but he put a ring on my finger so I know it's pretty serious. BUT, I know he has a problem and I want to know what im up against before it actually happens. This is my story. He gets up for work at 2am sometimes before, he leaves the house at 4:30. (He works in the bay and we live in modesto so it takes some time to get there I know this). I started getting up at the same time as him, not letting him know, I peek around the corner without him seeing me and hes looking at live girls on some porn site called [url removed]. I hate it. He drops the page into the bottom. He says it's disrespectful. So every morning from then on I get up without letting him know and he's on the freakin website. That means he spends 2 hours on there every morning, so I now know why he gets up so early. I wasnt really thinking anything of it until I wanted to talk about it and he got defensive. He refuses to talk about it, says it's his private time for hisself. I know he's been doing it before way before I met him. It has now became a problem because I want to know more. I check him web browser, it's in there. He's got a membership. We used to have a problem having sex cause I wasn't sexually active. But one morning I got brave and just decided to walk in on him and he was masturbating. That's when I said wait a minute, I gotta do something about it, maybe it's me, so from there I have been wearing cute little outfits, ****ty outfits, i do suck, I even made him a video of me masturbating from my phone, but the file was to large to send to him so I let him watch it off my phone, that was 2 weeks ago he still hasnt ask me to see it again. He continues to look at these girls on the web. Now live means you have to tell them what to do for you. I am willing to do whatever he wants me to. I want him to tell me what to do. I like it rough, and for him to show me who's boss, he knows I'm down for whatever. I am worried and mad. My situation gets deeper but I'll save that one for another time. I am an alcoholic, and have been sober for 2 years cause it was getting in the way of our relationship. I quit for him now he refuses to show me the same respect. What do I do? I need all the help I can get.
Thanks for sharing, I really do want all the opinions I can get. I wanna see things from every angle possible. Funny you should mention, I have a tattoo on my wrist that says Love is Patient, Love is Kind.
I would NOT marry this man!! He has an addiction, he is putting these live women before you -when he should be IN BED WITH YOU those 2 hours before work. He masterbates to it, this has become a life long habit and he feels no remorse, but defends his private time. This will only get worse when you are married.
I am not someone who is even against Porn viewing by the way (although "Live" does go against our personal boundaries). And his reaction or NON reaction to your gift to him, very telling, if he did not show great delight and desire for this gift, I say RUN.
This man really changed my life for the better. I know its corny to say, "but i love him", thats besides the fact cause i do love him, but do you think these things can be worked out? i mean it is possible right? And if so where would i begin? Sometimes I give myself a headache trying to figure it all out. It starts to hurt sometimes. I'm lost. I need help. I am reaching out to people I don't even know. I feel confused.
There's a few books you can get that will help you immensly. One is called Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil. The other is Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Cloud and Townsend. And the last one is Seat of the Soul.
This isnt something you're going to figure out and solve overnight- even in six months. There's a lot going on for you right now. The best thing you can do right now is tell yourself you are OK, and things will get better, because they will. Its awful to be caught up in the pain and the confusion, but things will get better. Just be patient. You dont know how they will get better yet, but keep your mind open to the answers and they will come slowly but surely. Try reading those books and be open to thinking in new ways. Is counseling for you an option?
Well the good thing is that he knows he has a problem. The bad news is that he is fighting to keep it going.
I know you probably feel like he is choosing the girls over you but that's not really what it's about. This is an old habit that's probably been around for years well before you came into the picture. There is one major difference between you and those girls that's keeping him online and not in bed: he is merely te audience and there is no pressure to perform. I really believe men feel great anxiety and pressure to perform greatly with their partner and some men fall into the comforts of becoming a "watcher" and making porn a part of their daily lives.
I agree with others - you're going to need the prof. help if a counselor. Convince him to attend pre-marriage couples counseling with you in hopes of laying down the foundation for healthy marriage. It probably wouldn't hurt to avoid the main subject until you get into counseling so he doesn't feel like the counseling is all about his problem & get defensive.
Lots of work to be done but he can get over this addiction once he realizes how great of an effect it could have on your self esteem in the long run. Posted via Mobile Device
Hi, let me try to give you idea what's going on
I am a guy who is addicted to livejasmin myself. I can tell you EXACTLY why it is addicting so you have an idea what you are dealing with.
I have a hot girlfriend but I am afraid I am loosing interest in her now. Cybersex feels SOO real. The main draw of it is that you can have all variety of girls you want. White hot blonds, brunnets, latinos, asians, ebony you name it. You can have sex with different partners instantly switching from one to another. The girls are also SUPER SEXY - they are models - and you get to tell them what to do, any position, they will do it. It feels real, because you are talking to them and interacting like you would with your gf on skype for instance. The super good resolution of video combined with the crisp audio create a very realistic feeling of being there with her. I have also developed pretty serious emotional connections with few of the girls there, it's NOT just sex! But again the main kick is that you can have almost real experience with a VARIETY of some of the HOTTEST CHICKS ON THE PLANET. And I mean they are damn young sexy hot. A lot of them are girls from russia and other eastern european countries -- we know they are hot and they need money. What can be more sexually stimulating than this (unless you can afford to sleep with different hot chicks every night)? I have been porn addict for 10 years but this is a totally different beast. To me this is also more addicting than having one-night stands because 1) you are not likely to get as hot of a girl in real life as there are on sexcam site 2) you don't have sex instantly while here you can.
Your boyfriend may not be as badly addicted as I am, but I am telling you how bad it can get. It costs a buck btw. One minute on livejasmin is standardly 1.99 and can go up to 3.99. If you spend 20 minutes there, that's at least $40. I discovered livejasmin 4 months ago and have been hooked ever since and have spent at least $1500.
I will be brutally honest with you but I will share my advice. I don't think you can even closely compete with those models (with variety of them) on livejasmin. Even if you are a model yourself (my girl comes close) you can't beat the site. Your boyfriend needs to realize his addiction (like I do right now), stop doing cybersex and try to erase memories of cybersex experiences he must have developed already as much as he can. Only then you will be attractive to him again. You'll need to keep yourself sexy for him too in the future (the baggage of cybersex memories and the temptation to go back to it will probably always be there for him) But if he does his part and you do your part you guys should be able to have normal relationship and sex relationship in the future.
Good luck!
Marriage counseling won't hurt I think too. But it will be up to him to kick the addiction. It's very much like heroin once you've tried it you are hooked.
hey niceguybutaddicted. i thank u so much for that info. nope he is way past addicted. we just got into it yesterday cause of that red page, that's what i call it. he was on there all day. every time i walked into the room where he was on the computer at, he was on it. really to tell you the truth, i dont care if he gets on there, but i want him to handle me first. he gets on it at 2 in the morning and i dont care cause im sleep get's off at 4:30, as long as he does me the night before, i'm cool. i want him to do me as much as he does the red page, and i tell him that, but that god damn red page gets him more then i do. i know it costs alot of money and he has a membership cause he refuses to let me handle anything to do with his account. thats because he dosnt want me to see how much he's spending on it. i know these girls are beautiful, and i'm probably not as hot as them, but i am hot, the people in the world tells me every day. i'm not self concious, i'll do anything he wants me to also, i mean anything. he's still not as interested. i have just recently made him a 2 hour video on my own for him in costume, out of costume, this way that way, with this with that, and he hasnt watch it yet. i get it that it's an addiction, but yesterday he flat out told me not to tell him what to do, he said he's not gonna stop and if i keep whinning about it, i'm only gonna push him away. now i need to know should i be competing with a stupid computer. how do you do that cause i'm not tryna lose my man to a computer. i do got it like that, atleast i thought i did. do i become more sexually aggressive or give up???
Hi mommamia123s, I really feel for you (and for your husband) That's how i think of livejasmin too - "the Red page", your right. That god damn red page has hooked me badly and I'm ashamed to admit since I wrote that post I've already spent at least $400 on the girls. I've made a pretty firm decision to cut with it or at least slow down. For one thing it's major drain on my bank account but also I know it will have far reaching consequences in my future marriage; your husband is one example of what type of person any of us sex cam users can become. So I don't judge your husband harshly but I don't condone of his behavior either, not the least. In fact his behavior is to say the least very inconsiderate towards you, but I can clearly see that he's absolutely addicted.
I will need to continue replying you tomorrow ( i need my sleep now . I think I have couple tips/suggestions for you there. I reach out to you with my goodwill and understanding meanwhile as I can see you get mistreated by your husband's unfortunate addiction
hi niceguybutaddicted. i cant tell u how talking with u makes me feel so much better. just talking with someone who actually has this problem has really opened my eyes. what else u got. I am glad that we can both benifit from this, as u were saying since your last post it really made u think about it too. u see i dont think the girl should not want her man to watch porn,hell, i do every day, the only thing is when it takes over the relationship. so, i have not given up, i have decided to compete with the computer before i give up. i have also decided to take your advice and stay sexy even in my sleep. i have also added on one more scene to my video before i showed it to him, i knew it had to be good. i made him watch it. i dont think he was expecting what he saw. he loved it. he never took his eyes of the t.v. i never seen that look in his eyes before. the way he looked at it was like he was in there. it was great watching him watching me. this made real good foreplay. he really enjoyed it. now i know what it is that he likes, so i think i've found the way to slow him down, which is to make my own videos for him. i also enjoyed making the videos. that was last night. now when he got up this morning at 2am, he went right to "the red page". i only hope this will slow him down. this was my first time. that's all of work and time to make this happen but i'll try anythng once. so does your lady know you get on "the red page"? does she have a problem with it?
Dear mommamia123s, I'm glad you find my posts helpful for you. I really want to be honest about my experience, not embellish anything so it can give you a perspective on your boyfriends' liveporn addiction. Therefore I write here with the sense of responsibility. I do believe live porn is on a whole level different sex experience from other types of porn. I actually now strongly believe there should be relationship counseling with just liveporn specialization, and I believe this will happen as more couples get into a situation like yours. I hope someone wiser than me can also give you a professional advice what to do here. I will however give you my best opinion.
You are not sure whether you can compete with the red page. The answer depends on what you mean by compete. If you mean that you want to compete for sexiness, attractiveness and beauty then no, I am sorry to say you will lose. They have hundreds of some of the most sexy, beautiful women on the planet there. It's not you, I believe you you are hot and all, but no woman can compete with thousands of other hot sexy models. You see, the appeal of livejasmin and any porn for that matter is the variety of women you can watch. Livejasmin has a staggering variety of most beautiful girls and women. But you said you are fine with him watching porn as long as he likes and do things with you first. That makes things simpler. Many women like you don't mind their husbands watching porn and making love to them, in fact I did this with my girlfriend, we watched porn together to have a better foreplay.
But let's draw a line here. There is big distinction between conventional porn and live porn. Conventional porn -- pictures, movies, what not is impersonal. You watch other hot people perform sex in group or solo. Yes you can fantasize that you are the one participating with them. But it's just a fantasy, never fully satisfying. The porn stars are only in your fantasy, not really there with you. So you crave real relationship and go to your girlfriend/wife to fully satisfy you. Conventional porn is for sexual release, not emotional.
Live porn is both, so it's no longer porn in my opinion but a form of relationship. You check out a new girl you have some talk with her, ask name, age, maybe she asks what you like in sex. It's so exhilarating that you can engage in conversation also, if you want you can be on a cam so she can see you also, that becomes more personal still.
The sex itself is quite realistic if not to say real. If you hit on the right girl in the right time when she is in the mood you can make her have good time and forget yourself that it's on the web. I don't want to go into details here but I'm telling you it was emotionally quite satisfying on the occasions to have sex with those performers. You ask me, I'll say it's not a good thing if you also have a girlfriend or a wife. It's kind of .. cheating. But first it didn't look to me so. I started just looking at girl's bodies there on free chat. Then, tried my first private.. and then it started. 0.0
You asked if my girl knows? No. I've been living separately as I work in one city, she's in another, so I have kept this secret, doing mostly in the evenings after talking over the phone with her. I see her on weekends. I noticed I think less of her now and she appears less attractive to me now...sadly. Being on jasmin long makes you picky, even beautiful girls are not as good, you look for gems.. it's not good, not good.
I'll continue shortly..
oh wow. that was really deep. i could actually visualize everything you were saying. did u say seperate life? i couldnt imagine that. that's gotta be eating u inside never talking about it. atleast i know what it is that my man is doing. but i had to investigate to find out, i had help to do that. it's almost kinda the same, you lady would leave u if she found out and mine would leave me if i make him quit (or try to make him quit). like i said, i really appriciate all you advice and opinions. and please do refer me, i want to see this thing from every angle. u have no idea how this has helped me. i hope we can stay in contact. you can let me know how it is from the inside and i'll let you know how it is from the outside. i guess things could be worse for me. my man took me off the streets when i was smoking dope and drinking alcohol everyday, i didnt have a room over my head every night nor did i know when the next time i was gonna eat. since i've been with my love, i've quit everything been sober, cold turkey. i could never imagine my life the way it was before and that's why i think i love him even harder. ive never been so happy, my man is a hard worker, he's a crane mechanic in oakland. he works 7 days a week, pays all the bills and gives me $100 dollar allowance a week. i don't have a job. i go to school once a week. so i guess it could be much worse for me. when i think of all these things, i think to my self, should i turn my head and deal with it? he holds all the cards and i just want us to work.
hi mommamia123s
I'm really glad this has helped you. It's been also a way to express my problem with liveporn. Yes, I can't say anything about what I do online to my girlfriend and it's like a secret world. In the past I would tell her everything to the smallest detail of my life. Now it's a big part of my life and I have to be careful not to let it out.
Wow what a story. I certainly see why you love him despite his porn thing. He had rescued you from that life. I admire your staying clean and not drinking since then. But well it's not a good thing to settle for his addiction at least not yet and you should think twice before you do. Remember if you have tried everything and nothing works and you are not happy you have an option to leave and seek another person who will not cheat online. Now however you should try working on this more. The way I see it now if your boyfriend had done so much for you he must have loved you at some point and probably he cares about you now. Or does he? What made him do liveporn in the first place do you know? You say he did porn before, but was it live porn?
I know personally I wasn't getting a fulfilling relationship with my girl. I care a lot for her now still but there was something missing in my relationship, always. I am a philosopher kind of person, like to think things deep when she doesn't think as deep so we don't click on that level. It's not her fault I understand but I felt something was missing I didn't want to let her go but at the same time craved for more from a girl. I got some of it from livejasmin. Livejasmin is not exactly place to look for deepthinkers but I discovered there are some smart girls, i loved talking to some of them.
Perhaps something is missing in your relationship. Do you understand your boy completely? Do you know what his dreams are, aspirations. We want our girls not just be hot and be there for sex but understand our souls and be inspiring, interesting companions in our lives. Are you being the girl of his dreams, not sexually but emotionally, intellectually and spiritually? I am not saying that's the cause in his addiction, but that's one possible cause. It was one of the causes in my situation.
You need to understand what the cause there is and you can do that only through communication. And you can have open communication only if you hold his heart. You basically need to find out what is it he lacks in your relationship that he can get on the red page. If it is better relationship that he is missing, then you could work on it and improve your relationship, and believe me if he get's same and better level of quality of relationship from you he won't need livejasmin.
However if it is beautiful girl's bodies he is into then you must make your decision based on how comfortable you are with this.If it hurts you that he is lusting for other girls then bring it on and if he doesn't stop then move on. You are mature and smart and strong enough to move on and be independent and you are attractive to choose another person. Are you gonna be happy long run in this marriage? Think of it, if you are young and hot now and he prefers livejasmin girls, what gonna be the situation when you start getting older? Don't get locked up in a marriage you won't be happy in based on the past good beginnings.
But if it's really ok with you for him to have virtual sex with other women, then stay, but only if it's ok with you. You should know liveporn is a close thing to actual cheating so bear in mind he could be a cheater in real life later on. Some people are ok with cheating in marriage, they cheat, their spouse cheats and they are ok with such lifestyle. The question is are you ok with that? Is that your vision of marriage? Some people are ok. I know I am raising some difficult questions, but it's the the way life is.
People who will read this will raise their eyebrows saying i'm not supposed to counsel you here. And they are probably right. But with your boyfriend only working and providing money for you, not to say also needing to pay for porn bills, you may not really afford marriage counseling. So I'm just saying what I would do.
ps: don't take anything personal, I am looking at the situation objectively and wanted to help you
pss: here is one tip, since you are spying on him already does he mostly spend time talking (typing) on livejasmin or does he do sex most of time? Does he have one or two favorites that he spends time with or does he change girls all the time. Is he visibly happy (smiling, agitated) when talking to girls or is he just intently looking at the girl's bodies. If the answer to all 3 questions is the first most of time then he is looking for relationship if it's the second then he is there for sex mostly.
good luck!!
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my husband is addicted to live porn. HELP!!!! 
. I think I have couple tips/suggestions for you there. I reach out to you with my goodwill and understanding meanwhile as I can see you get mistreated by your husband's unfortunate addiction
Re: my husband is addicted to live porn. HELP!!!! 
