Drug problem minimize but not stopped.
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Relationships and Addiction » Drug problem minimize but not stopped.

Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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Old 08-04-2008, 10:55 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Drug problem minimize but not stopped.

I have been with my husband for 7 years 1 1/2 of which we have been married. He had a Meth problem while we were just dating but seemed to overcome it (for the most part). He went from using like 3 -4 times a week to once a month. To me this isn't enough. When we got married he has stopped completely. I am sure of this because I was buying at home drug tests. He has been lying to me over the past year about him still using. I never was able to prove it, so there was nothing I could do to show him I knew for sure. Finally one day a friend of his told me he was there when he had done the drug. I asked him about it for a while longer and he continued to lie. Finally I told him I knew for sure and told him who had told me and what was said. He finally admited to it, but said it wasn't like I think. It doesn't matter if it is 1 time or 5 it is still doing something he know will RUIN our marriage. He has also "loaned" out about $300 over the past 3 months. I knew he didn't really loan the money but he continued to lie to me. Finally the same friend of his told me the truth and I confronted my husband about the money too. I asked him if it was all spent on drugs and he said no. I don't believe he spent it all on drugs but yes I do believe he spent part of it on them. I don't know what to do. I gripe and him constantly about everything and wonder if it will ever stop. I have realized that all I do is gripe. I have sooo much anger built up about his lying that is comes out in the littlest converstation and becomes a huge fight. I love him with all of my heart and don't want seperation or divorce, but truth be known I am not IN love with him anymore.
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Old 08-04-2008, 02:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Drug problem minimize but not stopped.

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It doesn't matter if it is 1 time or 5 it is still doing something he know will RUIN our marriage.
He has a serious addiction. Addicts dont stop because of ultimatums, destruction, or illness even. Addicts lose everything b/c of drug addictions-even their own life. I do not think he is intentionally ruining your marriage. He has a serious problem that is completely out of your control. My sister was married to an alcoholic/drug addict for six years. She tried and tried to get him to quit. It just doesnt work that way.

Drugs actually alter the functioning of a persons brain. Their intellectual reasoning capacity is exponential diminished because of their addiction. Arguing with him and reasoning with him would be like trying to reason with a 15 year old about adult issues.

It would be very helpful for you to go to Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen and find a meeting to attend. If you cant attend a meeting there is also some very helpful reading material to help you sort out your emotions.
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Old 08-04-2008, 05:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
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It is just so hard for me to understand his problem. I was never addicted to drugs but tried them as a teen and I don't have to have them. He can stop when he wants to, and be fine with that. By no means am I making excuses for him or I would not be on here trying to find help. He tells me he does them becuase I gripe constantly and because they are always in his face. ALL of his friends are DOPEHEADS!!!!! He wont cut ties with them because he has known most of them since birth. I don't think it is so much of an addiction but he thinks that there is no wrong in it. As a child his parents were alocholics and then when he was about 11 or so they started doing meth. That was all that was at their house when he was growing up. It's like he thought it was right since his parents always done it. He is comfortable around those kind of people now, and has anxiety about meeting new people. I have BEGGED him to move away from this little drug infested town. The sad part about it is there are MANY MANY good people in this town too he just does not interact with any of them. Thank you so much for your support and opinion. I am going to go to the website you sent and see what I can dig up. I am just hoping that this can be overcome and we can raise our daughter in a happy healthy environment.
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Old 08-04-2008, 06:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Drug problem minimize but not stopped.

Im sure this is really confusing and painful for you. Especially with your daughter involved. I do hope you are able to attend the meetings at alanon. Its such a supportive environment with women (mostly) that are experiencing the same confusion. Its primarily for alcoholics but many women who's husbands are drug addicts attend, also.
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Old 08-04-2008, 06:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Drug problem minimize but not stopped.

I would love to go, but there are no mettings within 2 hours from where we live. I would never be able to make it to the meetings. I am going to do further reading on their website and hopefully have a better understanding soon.
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Old 08-04-2008, 07:48 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Drug problem minimize but not stopped.

The literature has helped me a lot. And keep posting on the site. there are people here with so much good advice. and there are people that can use your advice. ive learned so much and ive only been here a short while.
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Old 01-06-2009, 01:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Drug problem minimize but not stopped.

I have been with my boyfriend for five years. When i first met him i was not aware that he had a problem with cocaine and alcohol. When i became aware of his problem i tried to help him. He has never wanted to admit that he has a problem. We have broken up and gotten back together numerous times through out the 5 years. When we get back together the first 2 months he is fine and then slowly he starts all over again. It has become a pattern, and i am tired of it. The sad thing is that he is a wonderful person when he is not caught up and we have an eight month son together. i would love to get help for both of us. He needs help with his drug problem and i need help with all of the anger i have built due to this problem.
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Old 01-06-2009, 01:19 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Drug problem minimize but not stopped.

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It is just so hard for me to understand his problem. I was never addicted to drugs but tried them as a teen and I don't have to have them. He can stop when he wants to, and be fine with that. By no means am I making excuses for him or I would not be on here trying to find help. He tells me he does them becuase I gripe constantly and because they are always in his face. ALL of his friends are DOPEHEADS!!!!! He wont cut ties with them because he has known most of them since birth. I don't think it is so much of an addiction but he thinks that there is no wrong in it. As a child his parents were alocholics and then when he was about 11 or so they started doing meth. That was all that was at their house when he was growing up. It's like he thought it was right since his parents always done it. He is comfortable around those kind of people now, and has anxiety about meeting new people. I have BEGGED him to move away from this little drug infested town. The sad part about it is there are MANY MANY good people in this town too he just does not interact with any of them. Thank you so much for your support and opinion. I am going to go to the website you sent and see what I can dig up. I am just hoping that this can be overcome and we can raise our daughter in a happy healthy environment.

Nicole i can identfy with you. I have two of my own children and one with him. He will stop but when i leaset expect he is back with his old tricks. The lieing and the spending of the money begins. I was curious as a teenager and experimented with drugs as well, but i never became addicted to any, not even cigarettes. I would love to save this relationship but if his addiction continues i can not continue in this relationship.
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Old 08-28-2009, 08:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Drug problem minimize but not stopped.

I am new to this site and read your post today. I have been married for 19 years soon after I got married I found out that my husband had an drug addiction it started with Marijuana and over the years graduated to heroin. I tried everything to get him help It was ruining our lives. I use to tell him he cant love me because apparently he doesn't love him self. Your husband wont stop until HE has too he may want to but cant. Addiction is a disease. My husband has now been clean for 2 years It wasnt until the 3rd time I found him technically dead in our bathroom and told him to leave and never come back did he seek real help. He had done some rehabs here and there but none of them worked because he went for me not for him. His last brush with death woke him up he went to a place in Florida that changed his life. I am also a forum member on Naranon.com because there are no close meetings near me it is great and will really help you there are on line meetings there. Feel free to e-mail you if ever want to talk.
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