Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
I have been having a nagging feeling for the last few months. He gets on pornography sites almost daily, barely touches me. i find an email that he sent to a man stating that i would be out town and wanted to know if the guy wanted to come over and have sex. then i found 2 sites he was a member of where he states he is a bi male and also a crossdresser. yet he denies he has ever cheated on me, and i have no proof except that he planned to do it. I just dont know if i should stay, or if i can ever trust him again. He has never mentioned being a crossdresser or even being bi to me, and our sexual relationship has always been very open. I feel like i dont even know this person i am married to.
Location: Rurally, away from big city conveniences, in the mountains in Northern Calif.
Posts: 1
Re: husband inviting men to our house for sex
I so wish to console you. Change can be good or bad and this kind of change definitely is threatening to you and the security you seek in your marriage. I still have no proof my H is bi, but as soon as I became suspect, there has been no further intimacy, OF ANY KIND! Long ago, I remember meeting an older woman who had contracted AIDs from her flirty Bi hubby. I was very young then, but I remember thinking upon meeting her, "Do I value my life enough to walk away once trust evaporated?" I told myself, "Yes. I do place a high value on my life."
All I can say is, "Please don't let anyone place you into a corner of confusion. Go to higher ground, and keep your chin up."
It happens more than you would think and the wife doesn't have to be out of town, just at work or even at a friends house for it to happen.
Please keep in mind that curiosity is all it is unless something actually happens. Some guys are just curious to see if this kind of stuff really happens, they create the bogus profiles, respond to emails, laugh their asses off and forget about it.
Some actually get off on the fact that it COULD happen but never actually engage in it.
No matter what the case, he will act awkward and feel guilty as hell when it's discovered.
IMHExp engaging in it is usually the short path to divorce, many don't actually engage but every case is it's own.
In cases where there is no actual engaging the problem lies in the betrayal, which almost always occurs, because guys never inform their wives upfront.
hiya
what a dilemma! this must ebe all so painful right now. i'm so sorry this is happening to you. tbh, you'e husband sounds like he is 'coming out', and if i were you, dont wait for him to open the closet door and knock your head with the disco lights handle.
i think u should plan a weekend away and set up a camera in your bedroom. thats' right, you heard me! i really think u should. all this crubbish about trusting our spouses must go out the window in a situation like this. and then when and IF u do catch him out, post the thing on youtube and humiliate him as much as he's done to you! ok, im taking the last bit a bit too far, but i would really consider it if i was you.
you have a right to know whether
a) he is cheating on you
b) whether he's been lying to u all this time about his sexual orientation.
c) contracted a sexually transmitted infection - hey it's your life, not mine!
you do have a right to know, and dont let anyone tell you any differently! save yourself. other people just arent worth THAT much, no matter how much you love them. best wishes
Thank you all for the advice. still not sure what i am going to do. he is going to be tested and so am i. God help him if he has given me something. Still confused and hurt.
Thank you all for the advice. still not sure what i am going to do. I already contemplated the cameras in the house and going away. its my house and i deserve to know. he is going to be tested and so am i. God help him if he has given me something. Still confused and hurt.
im so sorry you are down. i cant imagine how u must be feeling, but remember, we are all tested in our own ways. try to be strong, more importantly for yourself. get yourself tested at the soonest availablity, i'm sure you'll be fine though. i do agree that you deserve to know, not jus coz it's your house, but mostly because this is a man who made a promise to you. whatever happens, know you are strong and be dignified in your manner. be a lady. i always think we should never say bad things to another, not because it;s the wrong thing to do, but because we regret it later, and regret is a powerful thing, it makes us feel responsible for some siuations that are out of our hands. you are not alone on this forum. you have friends on this forum who can help you through the emotional process. do you have a friend/nighbour/sibling you could share this with? it might help.
I was married for 27 years to a man on the "down low". Divorce is the best course of action. He is exposing you to HIV, STD's and other diseases. This is unacceptable. Move him out, get a good attorney and get on with your life. You deserve better and you both will be happier in the long haul.
It happens more than you would think and the wife doesn't have to be out of town, just at work or even at a friends house for it to happen.
Please keep in mind that curiosity is all it is unless something actually happens. Some guys are just curious to see if this kind of stuff really happens, they create the bogus profiles, respond to emails, laugh their asses off and forget about it.
Some actually get off on the fact that it COULD happen but never actually engage in it.
No matter what the case, he will act awkward and feel guilty as hell when it's discovered.
IMHExp engaging in it is usually the short path to divorce, many don't actually engage but every case is it's own.
In cases where there is no actual engaging the problem lies in the betrayal, which almost always occurs, because guys never inform their wives upfront.
Boy is chefmaster right. It happens more than you think.
I have experienced this exact same situation (with exception of the crossdressing), down to the sites, etc. I could have written this post.
Please PM me and I'll tell you how I dealt with it and am dealing with it today.
hiya
you'e husband sounds like he is 'coming out', and if i were you, dont wait for him to open the closet door and knock your head with the disco lights handle.
Not a funny subject at all, but the disco lights handle was hilarious!
You could pretend to go out of town and watch the house - rent a car with darkened windows. Have a friend with you. when a man goes in go into the house as quietly as possible, give them time to get busy rush the bedroom with a camera or if can see through a window get pictures there. It may be easier to hire a PI and have them set up surveillance and the camera system. At any rate tell him to get out and send him the pics.
Intuition is the best indication, especially if you have trusted him so far and his activities have changed. Now if you want proof those are good alternatives. If you don't get proof do you want to live with that over your head? Bi men are indiscriminate and promiscuous, it is pure male sexuality, pleasure driven, so the likelihood that he will contract a STD is high. There is no work to be done if he is bi and unless you want to take a chance getting an STD and having him cheat on you with men.
He may fall in love with one and leave anyway. There is probably much he did not tell you when you got married so he is deceptive, does not mind exposing you to STDs and humiliating you. You can also print out any evidence that you find out on his commuter. Don't tip your hand until you get proof.
its such a lie. find out that a mutual friend( so i thought) one night hanging out put MH in contact with the person he invited to our house. all without my knowledge. But he still denies it all
Enough there for me to put money on him wanting to act out with men. Whether he has... no one knows but him. Isn't this enough to make you highly susupicious. I am in a similiar situation having caught my husband. (Talked to men on his email asking for him to come over for oral sex). I am still legally married but now work abroad most of the year. I am home for xmas now and still having great difficulty with my situation. In my case I know contact happened and still can't leave yet when I hear your story I say RUN! Isn't that ironic. I rationalize it all sometimes saying to myself oh he'll never do it again but how do I know when he is has been such a liar before.
I think it is worth while putting some kind of keylogger on the computer to track him. I would also consider going out of town and have him followed. The camera in the bedroom is also not out of the question...but I am sure the invite was enough to indicate that he has interest in men. Get evidence to make a clearer case.
I feel for you. I am dealing with the same thing. But let me tell you if it ever happened in my bed I think I would have cut it off.
I have done everything, made every offer to help him fulfill his need , or wants. he says he just wants role play, but he has been taking every excuse to leave the house now. and last night he said i am going to the store to get a few beers and some cigars and i will be back home. so........... 3 hrs later i text him and ask when he is coming home? he says really OMG. Then i noticed in the bedside drawer that his **** ring was gone and i had just placed it there that afternoon. so who needs that to buy beer and cigars, but as of tonight he still hasn't come home or got in contact with me, and its Christmas eve. So I am about done with this situation completely.
husband inviting men to our house for sex 
Re: husband inviting men to our house for sex 
Re: husband inviting men to our house for sex 
