akasephiroth

My wife and myself have hit some snags in the past, but we have always worked things out, we have been together for 6 years and have a 3 year old. A few months ago a guy we met though a online video game admitted he was falling in love with my wife. Me and the wife have both stopped talking to him since. untill last week. The wife is addicted to texting, does it all the time, last monday after a weekend with her mom she comes home texting worse then ever before, claimed it was her mom so i blew it off, but the wake up call was when i picked her phone up to move it away from sink so it would not get wet she snatched it away, asked if i was checking up on her. Later that nite she told me she had been texting him and she knew how i felt about it, i asked her to stop and she swore she would. The next day she enored our 3 year old while deep into a text convo i had to yell to her to answer him to kick her out her daze. Yesterday she told me she was not gonna stop texting him he was a friend that she could talk to and they had talked about what he had said and he swore he would never do anything to hurt our marriage. I told her how it was hurtting our marrage to to push things i asked her to choose between me and texting him. she told me if i felt i needed to make her choose to leave. What do i do? is this a texting addiction or something more?

Prodigal

I took parts of your post that struck me. So both of you "met" this guy online. I assume neither of you have met f-2-f yet. So this cyberspace gaming friend is falling in love with your wife. Hmmm ... I think the texting addiction is the least of your worries.

So he's not doing anything to hurt your marriage? Not the case, from what I'm reading here. I am compelled to ask: how old are you and your wife? How old is this "friend" your wife is texting all the time?

There is no foundation for reality in this situation. We're talking about an online relationship. Heck, the guy could be married with three kids, he could be a crackpot. I dunno. Just how much do you know about this man?

JMO, but your wife is having an emotional affair, if nothing else, with this guy. Also, when you make a threat, be prepared to follow through on it. Empty threats leave you in the no-respect zone, and they weaken your position if you make her choose between her cyberlover or you if you don't follow through.

Okay. She's addicted to texting. That in itself would drive me up the wall. But she's also messing around, in a manner of speaking, and has no regard for your feelings about this.

Time to put your foot down or to move both feet out the door.

__________________
I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

akasephiroth

im 26 my wife 22 the guy is in his 30's...she says he is just a friend who will listen, ive been keeping check on the phone records from last few days and she has texted him twice, she has gone back to texting her mom and best friend 100+ a day....this is why im confussed was/is this only a person to text when no one else was there or is there more? also we currentlly only have 1 phone due to low income (im the only one who works while she is full time student). Also ive know the guy for over 5 years, he is a single bum with alot of problems (ALOT) med licenes revoked due to abuss (he was a nurse) no never met F2F but there was a time i too could call him up to get stuff off my chest when no one else was around.

Prodigal

You're both young. Your wife had a baby when she was 19. She has some growing up to do. Not trying to be critical, it's just that I'm old enough to be your mother (and then some!). You either getter wiser or dumber with age. I think I've learned a great deal; at least, I hope I have! I consider myself a pretty astute observer of human nature, and from my perspective, your gal needs to get over the texting habit and get her priorities straight.

Excessive, to say the least. How much subject matter can she have to discuss that requires so much texting? It appears she doesn't have time to talk to you. Frankly, she is cutting you out of her life via her texting.

This is ridiculous. Full-time student? When does she find time to study with all the texting? So you have a baby and a wife to support. I assume she has undertaken an education to better YOUR LIVES. If she works as hard at her coursework as she does texting, then I'd say, let her text. What is her major and how are her grades?

You haven't even met the guy, yet you were calling him at one time too in order to vent, yet the guy is a "bum" with lots of problems. You and your wife need to re-think the type of people you associate with, even if it's in the land of text messaging and cyberspace. Sounds like you have quite a mess on your hands.

Time to face reality. There is a child involved in this situation, and mommy appears to be a child herself. Again, don't make threats along the lines of it's-the-texting-or-me unless you are going to follow through.

__________________
I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

akasephiroth

she is going for her RN licence, here grades are all 80+, she does very good with her class work, thats why i dont mind the text to her friend because most of them is something like "hey whats "this" her friend is taking same classes and a year ahead of her. The text to her mom though are imo childish as you said, it is always gosip her mom is real bad with that. She told me (her words im taking them at face value, never seen the text she sent him) the text between him and her where stuff like hey how you been, back on you feet yet, and stuff about the game that I still play and she plays when she not texting or school work.
As for not convo with me she accully does communicate with me when she text her mom/friend. When she started texting him agian however i would have to yell because she would be into a daze. Her text to him became some important she would be focused on her text and time out on some of her online test (this btw i brought up to her last night and she said she was stressed with everything but she relized she screwed up answering a text over a online test that was timed)
Other probelms i have with accully following through with leaving her are my own well being, sure this is stressful but i make $900-$1000 a month where i work, this barelly covers rent and lights. Phone bill car insurrance and gas for those cars are covered bye her every 3 months when she gets her unused grant refund from school. If i walk out the door today i have no where to go, all of my familly are in worse shape money wise then I and most live in government apartments, my wife knows this and i believe that to be why she knew me leaving was empty threats.

akasephiroth

Update: the wife called me at work about lunch today and asked if i cared if she went to her moms till monday...I told her no to go ahead. When she got to her moms she called and told me she was there and to get on yahoo. So i did, 100+ text later ive come to the conculsion this is a text addition, she telling me every thing her and my son do with her mom though text, I mean really? how do i help her outta this? any ideas, atm call me a sucker but because of the pure fighting from this past week i am enabling her a bit and continuing to respond.

Prodigal

I can only address you concern over the text addiction from my perspective from having lived with two alcoholics. Yeah, I was pretty STUPID and thought the second time around I could fix things that I hadn't "repaired" the first time.

I learned that I have no control over someone else's addiction. I tried reasoning, yelling, threatening, left, came back, dragged #2 drunk into A.A., into marriage counseling, into two rehabs, etc. Nothing worked. He remained drunk. I went nuts.

That being said, I suppose her texting addiction is like any other addiction: she'll get into trouble deep enough that she'll hit bottom and realize it's ruining her life. When she becomes a nurse, she's going to be responsible for people's lives and their care. She can't be sitting at the nurses' station oblivious to the guy down the hall hitting the button by his bed because he needs help getting up to use the bathroom! She simply won't be able to keep it up while working.

In the meantime, I can see where this is hurting you. I really feel for ya. I understand the difficulty of trying to live on a shoestring. Lots of people out of work, underemployed, or actually getting a halfway decent salary but working themselves to death due to cutbacks and layoffs in their company.

She has a husband and a child who need her attention. Both of you should be her primary concern. Rather than idle threats, sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her. Do you feel there are areas where you can improve your communication techniques? No, you don't have to be her girlfriend or mom and share in gossip, but do the two of you have any common ground to discuss - interests, hobbies, whatever?

I'm sorry I don't have a better answer to give you. Was she into texting all the time when you first met her or did she actually engage in f-2-f conversations with you and others? Voice your concerns calmly and logically.

We all have a need for connection with our friends and families, but I think it's time for you to tell her she needs to cut the cord from mommy and start playing the grown-up role of wife and mother. Both roles require more of her time and energy than the texting.

__________________
I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

akasephiroth

update: before the wife came home yesterday we talked (though text agian). I told her how i felt about it, and told her that i have posted here and some of the stuff i was told. I think this made her relize how excessive she was being...when she got home yesterday she walked in the door handed me the phone told me to turn it off put it up and the day was mine...best day in a long time. Cooked out played some games and no one interupted with a phone call or a text felt great hope for more like it.

andy32m

My wife and I had joint phone account. I always paid the bill. The bill would have the break down of texts in one month and also how many were picture text messages. My wife was averaging about 2000 texts per month. Then one month it was 6000 texts and over 120 picture texts. The same month she had "found" an ex-boyfriend on facebook. So I questioned her about it and she said there was nothing to worry about. Well she started becoming very protective of her phone. She slept with it under her pillow and would never leave it laying around. So one day i logged onto the phone account and checked the text number at 9am and compared it at 5pm. She had sent and received over 800 texts while she was at work. I was furious and demanded to see her phone when she got home. There wasn't a record of a single text habing been sent. She had been deleting everythin except for texts with me and a few from her mom and sister. I told her i checked the account that day and what i found. She got all defensive. The next month she was at about 700 texts for the whole month so i figured she realized she was doing something wrong and stopped her behavior... But i was wrong. She just downloaded KIK messenger and also yahoo instant messenger so she could keep communicating with this ex-boyfriend without it counting as texts on the phone bill...

Long story short- were currently getting a divorce.
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