My Porn Addiction is back - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

User Tag List

 75Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-29-2014, 11:42 AM
Member
 
Almostrecovered's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: SEPA
Posts: 9,006
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Quote:
Originally Posted by mablenc View Post
My sons neurologist recommended it to us.
color me confused

I'm happy that it works for your son but GABA (a natural chemical our brain produces) is taken as a supplement, the GABA cannot penetrate the brain blood barrier and give you the effect you need to reduce anxiety or increase focus that natural GABA does. My understanding is that there are ways to get your brain to increase production of GABA, alcohol is actually one of them and green tea (L-Theanine) is another. GABA taken orally will help in the aid of muscle production and why it is sold.

more details here-

Why GABA Supplements Do Not Work€ and What Does Work

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Newbies please read this
My story
Almostrecovered is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-01-2014, 01:03 AM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Currently Arizona.
Posts: 7,379
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheCuriousWife View Post
How are you doing Conan?

I've been secretly reading your posts and rooting for you. Your story is very compelling.

Hope things are going well. Wishing you the best!
Thank you. Been very busy with work and trying to balance finances from over 1200 miles away from home. Mrs. Conan and I try and discuss things but she has a hard time helping me. I usually end up comforting her and reassuring her but don't usually get support from her. Kind of feel on my own with this.

Have not been able to find any GABA yet but had a hard workout today. That helped.

Mrs. Conan is also very afraid that I am going to cheat. That has been the unfortunate focal point of many of our conversations and I am stuck reassuring her and sometimes having to defend myself.

When we are together, I can tell her anything but since we have been apart for so long, she really is not there for me in some ways.

I always told her when someone hit on me or when I found someone attractive but, at the moment, she is not that confidant/best friend/lover that I am use to.

I fly home in 5 days for a 3 day break. We have one day set aside for sex and reconnect. Not enough for us but hope it helps.

Then more business for the next two months and a move at the end.

We will wind up in Arizona. I love it here!

Thanks for the resources Sparky! I will check them out.

I might as well confess here as start another thread.....

I get hit on often but have always fielded passes well. The other day I "caught" a pass without thinking.

I am allowed to dress very casually for the work I am doing.

I was wearing a cheap T that fit good. After the majority of my business was done and I was signing paperwork, there were about 4 associates standing around me having conversations with each other and me.

One associate, an athletic woman on the tall side, said she really liked my shirt and wanted it. It was a $3 T from Target. The tone was not about my shirt but what was underneath. Without batting an eye, I smiled and said that if I was not so shy, I would take it off right there and give it to her.

That was the old me that I have not seen in over two decades.

I realized quickly that I had not just caught a pass but had just made a pass of my own.

The woman got it loud and clear and the sexual temperature in the room went up about 20 degrees.

I spent the next 10-15 minutes talking to a male associate about hiking and kids, his and mine, while this lady had come over and stood there, awkwardly waiting for me to finish so she could continue with the pick up.

When the awkwardness of me ignoring her became to much, she finally left.

I have been hiding in my hotel room and only going out with men for limited times, to the movies and to eat, for example.

I won't cheat but that is the biggest slip in over 20 years. I have always been able to tell my wife anything but I am going to wait until we are together for this one.

It is really frustrating to not be able to talk with her about this stuff because of raging insecurity!!!

We have never been anything but transparent for a very long time and it has made us very strong and secure in our relationship. This situation truly sucks!
ConanHub is offline  
post #18 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-01-2014, 04:26 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 680
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

The reason child abuse is so vile, causes PTSD and a host of other emotional issues, is because the physical abuse is typically accompanied by things children ADORE,, then enforced with fear.


That range of emotions can be overwhelming for a child and implant warped thought processes that might never be undone without a LOT of professional help or not at all.


The abuse itself won't necessarily be any more painful than many other injuries a child suffers, but the child knows/feels something isn't right about it, doesn't understand it, so the seeds of a PTSD are sown even before the the other confusing stuff is factored in.

Before the abuse begins, the abuser is 'nice' to the child. Friendly. Maybe brings a present.

During or after the abuse the child will be told how special they are, the chosen one,, chosen to keep THE SECRET.


Kids LOVE people being nice to them, presents, being told they're special and keeping secrets. Their abuser might be their favourite person.



Then comes the fear enforcement. If they tell anyone about THE SECRET the 'beloved' abuser will hate them. No more presents for nasty children who give secrets away. Mum and dad will be taken away. The child will be sent to a home full of cruel people they don't know. They'll never see their siblings again.



The child is terrified,, they'll never tell - thereby becoming complicit in their own abuse. And this nice/pain/reward/terror cycle is reinforced with each abusive event.



As if that weren't enough - it's destressing enough just typing about it - sometime around their mid teens the child will become aware of the reality of what happened and have all the feelings a traumatised adult has added to what they feel already. Anger, guilt, desire for vengeance, 'abnormal', shame, more confusion, wondering whether to tell anyone or not, fear of disbelief, fear of the ramifications of being believed, fear of exposure, fear that they'll become an abuser themselves.



Hardly surprising that many turn to drink, drugs and OTHER ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOURS. They're emotionally damaged in complicated ways.



Shrinks talk a lot about
'comfort zones'. Sounds like a zone that's comfortable. Frequently, a better description might be 'discomfort zone'. As with the abused child, the victim might hate their comfort zone - or aspects of it - but fear escaping it will be worse. This site abounds with contrasting examples. Spouses who leave/cheat cuz they think their lives will get better. Spouses who can't leave cuz they fear their lives will get worse.



Porn watching is likely a part of the OPs comfort zone, even though it makes him uncomfortable. No way to be sure what he's getting/seeking from it. Maybe reinforcing a need for self-loathing (a common symptom of an abuse victim) or seeking the emotional reward (present, special, secret) that his child brain received following the physical abuse. For sure, the reason will be deeply ingrained and complicated.


Importantly, while the porn has to go, it might be impossible to drop it without identifying other symptoms. If the porn is at the centre of a broken bridge, you can't mend it until you've fixed the support columns.


There's no easy solution to a complicated problem. By all means try to stop watching, but don't beat yourself up if you can't. It might be step 3 that can't be quit till you've identified steps 1 and 2.



Many people think PTSD is something that only affects wounded soldiers and other victims of physical trauma. IT ISN'T. It can happen to people who haven't been injured at all.


If there's a common denominator among PTSD sufferers, it's confusion. Something that they can't rationalise. People like to know how they got from A to B.


If you stabbed a knife through your hand it'd hurt, but you likely wouldn't suffer PTSD cuz you can join the dots to make sense of it. - Decided to stab my hand. Picked up knife. Stabbed hand. Expected it to hurt. IT DID! Went to hospital. Got repaired. It's healed.



Now, imagine next time you blink your eyes open again and you're at the top of the Eiffel Tower. How did you get there? You'd be searching your mind over and over to find an explanation as to how you got from A to B. You'd NEED to rationalise it. You'd search for what made sense, running endless theories over and over in your mind. You'd lose sleep. You'd get snappy and withdrawn. You might drink to get respite. You'd deteriorate until you got an explanation or professional help. That's PTSD.


An excellent book that'll help understand it.


Trauma - Prof. Gordon Turnbull.
Posted via Mobile Device
Flying_Dutchman is offline  
post #19 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-01-2014, 11:42 AM
Member
 
ariel_angel77's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 479
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

I know how crazy this probably sounds, but you may consider rethinking your job. Sounds like traveling is going to destroy your marriage. NOTHING is so important that you'll accept it ruining your marriage, not even a career. I mean, sure, you returned a woman's pass, but what happens with more weeks of not seeing your wife? It's not worth it from my viewpoint.
ariel_angel77 is offline  
post #20 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-01-2014, 03:33 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Currently Arizona.
Posts: 7,379
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Quote:
Originally Posted by ariel_angel77 View Post
I know how crazy this probably sounds, but you may consider rethinking your job. Sounds like traveling is going to destroy your marriage. NOTHING is so important that you'll accept it ruining your marriage, not even a career. I mean, sure, you returned a woman's pass, but what happens with more weeks of not seeing your wife? It's not worth it from my viewpoint.
You are right and I already quit. I took a job in Arizona at a loss of about 20,000 a year. I just have to set up the move and a new place to live. We cannot do it now unless we don't care what we move into.

Two months and this will be over.

Your right about the time passing. I won't cheat but I am HD and I have never had to be away from her this long.

Still want to kick my porn addiction.
ConanHub is offline  
post #21 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-01-2014, 03:37 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Currently Arizona.
Posts: 7,379
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Flying D.

Profound!

What you said really struck a chord. I might just have a path to pursue now and I will definitely find that book.

Thank you!
ConanHub is offline  
post #22 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 03:54 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Currently Arizona.
Posts: 7,379
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Quote:
Originally Posted by intheory View Post
If this were someone who had an affair because they travelled, everyone would be telling them the job had to go.

I know you have already addressed that; I just want to add my vote to the "no travelling as part of your job"; as soon as it's financially possible.

And I also agree that you should add all the filters to your phone and devices to stop porn. I know you could "undo" them if you wanted. But it might help.

Is there anyway to take naked pictures of your wife with you on your computer (heavily password protected). Or, a video you made of each other making love. Or, can you Skype with her from your motel room?

You seem like a good guy, Conan. I wish you all the best in conquering this.
Thank you! Mrs. Conan is a little more reserved than me but I have been encouraging her to be more adventurous with me.

I have been sexting her, sending naked pics of me and sex texts.

She has been slow to respond but is coming around. I would love it if she would make a video with me!!! Or even send me an erotic one of herself.

She absolutely loves my pics and sexting BTW, she is just not as self assured as I am.

On Wednesday I fly home for three days. We have set aside Thursday for sex and reconnect. I will bring this up then. Hope she goes for it!
ConanHub is offline  
post #23 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 07:47 PM
Member
 
staarz21's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,058
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Conan,

Don't beat yourself up over the pass. You realized what happened and you proceeded to do the right thing by ignoring her after.

It is hard to be away - especially if you're the HD spouse. There were numerous times I would have cut my left big toe off for company while my H was gone...but I don't put myself in situations that could be inappropriate - or misinterpreted as inappropriate. I am faithful to him completely.

Does she know that you would like a little more support or that sometimes you feel like you have to defend yourself from something you have not done (like her worrying about you cheating)?

I agree with others, you seem like a good guy. It's just a crap situation that you are in with being away from your wife. It takes a toll on many marriages. I see it constantly in the military community. Some people just don't know how to handle it. You seem to be doing the best you can. I really wish you guys the best of luck!
staarz21 is offline  
post #24 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 08:25 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Currently Arizona.
Posts: 7,379
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Thank you! I will discuss those issues when I can hold her in my arms. Two days and counting!

Over the phone doe not help her much. When she can touch me and smell me, in a good way, she feels better and more reassured.

The separation has taken it's toll on her emotions as well.
ConanHub is offline  
post #25 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 09:17 PM
Moderator
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 10,300
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Conan,

There is absolutely nothing baby-like about you. And the fact that you don't touch this stuff when home is a great thing.

A journal is good.

Even if you dislike this suggestion, I hope you'll take it in the sincere spirit it's offered. When you feel the need, maybe a quick skype session with your W in a negligee might help. During or after you can go for a quick tug and scratch the itch.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
I would love to know what GABA is. Yes. I have had to travel for business for the last three months with a grand total of 8 days home. we encountered sudden financial difficulties and the only way to survive has been to travel to take care of business.

She has to stay home to take care of things on that end and I will probably have another two or three months of this until things settle down.

So yes, I have been under a lot of extra stress and the prolonged separation has caused my addiction to resurface.

We have never been apart for so long in our 23 years. I kind of feel like a baby for not being able to handle this better.
MEM2020 is offline  
post #26 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 09:25 PM
Member
 
CardReader's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 38
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

I don't have any books to offer that you could read, hec I'll probably get the book Flying d recommended myself.

I have been sexually and emotionally abused as a child and as an adult. One would think that would normally make someone not want sexual activity (at least, that's how it affects a lot of women that I have talked to) but for me it has had the opposite effect.

I'm very HD and am learning that I do have a porn addiction that is affecting my marriage because it hurts my husband and I feel bad afterwords.

I find that if I'm stressed, I defintely feel the urge to turn to porn, even when getting sex daily. The main thing that helps me is to tell my husband when I'm feeling the way I am and talk through it. He doesn't like hearing that I want it but he supports me and that helps so much. Being honest about it takes away most of the bad feelings that go along with it.

I also had him put on filters and passwords, that only he has, restricting those sites. I feel like it helps knowing that they are there.

He doesn't mind that I masturbate and having a variety of toys helps with feeling satisfied. Sometimes I want the porn to take sexual arousal to the next level, but it's not needed (as in the urge happens a lot less now) as much anymore because of the toys. I don't know what your stance on sex toys is but that could be an option, at least for when you're away. There are some male strokers, like the Tenga 3D ones, that are classy looking. Again, that's something that would depend on you and your wife. I could see the potential for this back firing and you use it with the porn. But for me, it has helped curb wanting porn. So, you'd have to weigh the pros and cons.

And like others have said, skype video calls would be great and to include her during the times you are doing your things. You'll get that visual and feel good about it and she'll get some security.

Hobbies and plenty of them. Anything positive that will distract you, preferably something using your hands. I like bread making, origami, coloring/painting, crochet or raquet ball.

I wish I had more ideas to offer but I think the honesty is really the best thing to do. To tell her when you slip up and when there is the urge hopefully preventing it instead. It will hurt but I think being truthful about what you're doing will help with her insecurity. She'll know that she can trust you to be honest with her, no matter what.

I hope some of that helps at least a little. And hopefully others have some more book suggestions because I'd be interested in that too. Sexual trauma and porn addiction can be so confusing. I'm still not 100 percent porn free but things are getting better.
CardReader is offline  
post #27 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 10:29 PM
Moderator
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 10,300
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Conan,
With or without negligee - skype is better than a 'voice only' call.

It enables you to honestly say:
- you look beautiful
- I wish I could reach thru the screen and hug you
- seeing you just makes me crave your touch even more than I already did
- I'm sorry I have to travel to provide for us financially, I miss you, you know that right?

And then the one other thing that is real - and worth mentioning is something like this.

Earlier, when I was thinking about you my pulse and blood pressure spiked so much that I went for a X mile run. Didn't help that much but it's better than sitting in my hotel room losing my mind.....



QUOTE=ConanHub;10833098]Thank you! I will discuss those issues when I can hold her in my arms. Two days and counting!

Over the phone doe not help her much. When she can touch me and smell me, in a good way, she feels better and more reassured.

The separation has taken it's toll on her emotions as well.[/QUOTE]
MEM2020 is offline  
post #28 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 11:29 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Currently Arizona.
Posts: 7,379
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Just got off the phone with Mrs. Conan.

She is super horny as well and talking about taking a "shower".

Brought up her sending me some pictures and possibly skyping with each other for some intimate time and she is worried it could be intercepted.

She also, unfortunately, asked me if I was a sex addict. I got hurt. After I said that lusting for my wife was not a sex addict, I let her know I was bothered by what she said.

She started to get pissed until I reminded her that I was HD and pursuing my wife was not abnormal behavior.

We ended the conversation well but this is really not helping.

I need her to understand that phone sex, naked pictures, even Skype sex with her is not only appropriate but desperately needed right now!

This is what I am dealing with....

I stayed in my hotel room all day today. I finally took a shower and shaved.

I walked about half a mile to a Walmart for some ice cream.

I picked up some beer as well and went through checkout.

I am mid forties but look young when I shave. The 20 something cashier took extra time and effort with me. She made way to much Eye contact and smiled through the whole conversation. She asked me questions about where I was from and where I had been. She ignored the other customers as I was getting my bags and going away. She made sure to face me, turning away from her station and cash register to wish me a nice day while still smiling and her body language matched her smile.

I went to a local gym on Friday because I thought a workout would help me feel better, I was right about that BTW. The 20 something receptionist invited me out for a Halloween party.

She even checked my wedding ring out and still invited me and gave me a discount for a day pass.

I am in misery. I am sexually frustrated. I absolutely will not cheat but I have very willing, very nubile females showing me availability every time I leave my stinking room.

Staying in my room when I am not working is starting to depress me BTW. TAM is helpful but I need time out.

I am just venting now but believe it or not, it helps to write this down.

Before I got married, this kind of thing was amusing. After I got married it was still amusing because I was being satisfied at home. In this situation, it is kind of agonizing.

I am really not tempted to actually accept the advances of these women but it revs something up in me that is already revved up too much without Mrs. Conan to fix it.

I just thought about viewing porn to take the edge off but it makes me feel bad in other ways so not tonight, thank you.

Nothing helps. Here goes another night of agony. I guess I could drink too much beer and maybe pass out.

I have not been sleeping well because of all the stress of the situation and sexual frustration and guilt and disgust over porn.

Wish I could take a pill to kill my desire but the side effects would probably be worse.

Last edited by ConanHub; 11-02-2014 at 11:33 PM.
ConanHub is offline  
post #29 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-03-2014, 12:22 AM
Member
 
WorkingOnMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington State
Posts: 5,955
My Porn Addiction is back

Anyone taking odds on whether there's actually any sex on Thursday?
WorkingOnMe is offline  
post #30 of 50 (permalink) Old 11-03-2014, 12:44 AM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Currently Arizona.
Posts: 7,379
Re: My Porn Addiction is back

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
Anyone taking odds on whether there's actually any sex on Thursday?
Will keep you updated on that front.
ConanHub is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Porn Addiction finallyoverit Relationships and Addiction 6 11-21-2013 12:11 PM
More than a porn addiction... vballchick10 Relationships and Addiction 13 04-21-2013 07:01 PM
porn addiction, child porn, emotional affair, cyber stalking, escorts, drugs, etc.. WifeOfATroubledMan General Relationship Discussion 64 04-09-2013 05:16 AM
porn addiction secretarygoddess Relationships and Addiction 8 07-24-2012 09:17 AM
Porn addiction help?? Lonesomedove General Relationship Discussion 12 09-19-2011 03:21 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome