I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-03-2015, 01:55 AM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

As a military spouse, you have medical so use it. You need therapy and a weekly support group. The sad part is it may be too late for your marriage but not for you or your kids. If your husband has duty or is deployed, you simply cannot drink. They may need you or worse, you may hurt them. You have plenty of resources...call medical or your Ombudsman to help you. Reach out to your family and friends and get in therapy and group support ASAP. You have to nip this. Alcohol abuse grows at an exponential rate. Women who start with a 1/3 of whiskey become women who can drink a fifth and drive their children to practice to women who run over a skateboarder after a fifth and a pint. Alcohol makes you think it comforts and numbs and helps you cope but it doesn't. It just adds shame, regret and broken families in its wake. I know it is hard to reach out, but you will feel so much better when you accept that alcoholism is any amount of drink at any time in every hour that makes you different or difficult than the person you used to be. Alcohol is a drug, make no mistake. Though culture paints it as harmless, it is dangerous in its acceptance and availability. Do not think this isn't an addiction and that you aren't an alcoholic. Your behavior while drunk broke up your marriage, but you can still save your family.
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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-06-2015, 11:02 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

Thank you for sharing that bravenewworld, It's very informative. Though, my therapist in Addiction Treatment Care Services already discuss the real cause of addiction, I still learn something from that.
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-08-2015, 03:24 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

Originally Posted by droll View Post
I'm sober for almost 3 months now. Me and my wife always quarrel because of my alcohol problem. The only thing that made difference on my situation is that my wife didn't give up on me despite of my wrongdoings. The reasons why I quit are the consequences alcohol affects to my health and the damage it cause to our relationship. I completely becoming a different person. There's a lot of distractions and temptation involved on my recovery and a relative discussed about therapies offered on numerous alcohol recovery rehabilitation that could help me concentrate.(I made a link to serve an example of a treatment that discussed to me). What you need now is to focus yourself on your recovery then you can resolve other issues. Forgive yourself and start a new life. This will give you a healthy recovery and when you feel giving up remind yourself why you started and remember these people who's waiting for you. Good luck to you.
Congrats to you on your 3 months sober! Keep it up!!
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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-08-2015, 11:43 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

My life as a recovering alcoholic is a daily battle to maintain sobriety. It is one I will be waging every day for the rest of my life.

One reason I will never marry again is because I never want to put a woman I love through the hell of living with me should I ever relapse. It's the price I must pay. It's not fair, but it is real and it is life.

I hope you take advantage of your treatment opportunity. Make sure you attend AA religiously afterwards and practice the 12 steps. It is the only way.
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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-08-2015, 11:59 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

Originally Posted by bravenewworld View Post
OP - there's been some new studies on addiction:

The Real Cause of Addiction

"The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it is human connection."

Would your husband be willing to go to MC? Are you in IC as well?
That's a very interesting article.
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post #21 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-10-2015, 03:43 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

That is a very interesting article. It brings a strong challenge to what is normally accepted as truth regarding addiction. Very thought provoking.
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post #22 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-08-2015, 03:21 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

Understand that addictions are usually the outward signs of other problems. Get sober. Get a shrink. Figure out why you need a crutch and for what. Then fix that.
post #23 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-08-2015, 03:41 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

Originally Posted by OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE View Post
Understand that addictions are usually the outward signs of other problems. Get sober. Get a shrink. Figure out why you need a crutch and for what. Then fix that.
This right here is the truth. I still drink but i have cut it down quite a bit after i figured out why i was doing overdoing it. A friend of mine gave me a really good tip, he said you need to learn to control your drinking and then you can go back to casual here and there. This worked for me but i'm certain it does not work for many people, the main thing you need to figure out is why you use alcohol as your escape tool. Only then will you be able to cut it out or cut down (not a real solution for most people so I do not recommend it). Figure out the cause, and good luck to you.
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post #24 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-08-2015, 04:01 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

Just stop drinking!
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post #25 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-08-2015, 04:49 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

My wife was drinking and getting abusive.
I had enough.
I told her in no uncertain terms, you stop drinking or i am divorcing you.
She stopped drinking cold.
So did I, although not a heavy drinker, a beer every now and then.
I stopped to support her.
Its been 4 years.

I guess she really did/does love me.
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post #26 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-16-2015, 06:28 PM
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Re: I'm an alcoholic. Husband says he's done.

identify the situations and feelings that lead to an increase in cravings. note what time of day, your state of mind, what is occuring around you and with whom. Take an inventory of how you feel physically and emotionally. are you well rested? identify emotions you experience or dont want to experience that make you want to drink to cope. could be anger, sadness, feeling hopeless or helpless, feeling worthless, guilty or shamful. Identify when you have these feelings. knowlege is power. some done even see a relaspe coming before they have the bottle in their hand. identify any character defects you need to acknowledge and address that lead you into addict behavior such as lying, being guarded, and sneaky. always be honest with yourself even when you are lying to others. know at any given time you have a choice of what you do, if not what you feel. Their are hundreds of things you can do besides picking up a drink. relaspe is a choice. get a home group and a sponsor. try working the steps if you havent started all ready. get any underlying mental health issue addressed. Be honest with your health care providers. As a child of two alcoholic parents, I can tell you with out a doubt, your kids are affected. good thing they are young, you can determine now how much damage you will do to them. Good luck sister
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