Your woman is a cheater, and is having an affair.
Ignore anything and everything she accuses or "blames" you for, it is just lying and shifting her blame.
Your first course of action, to smash the affair. Do not beat around the bush about this, if she is in an affair, you will be leaving her, make this clear.
Your next course of action, get a lawyer. A woman as this, she is already causing terrible destruction to your marriage, the way to stop this, if at all possible to even stop this, is to show her you mean business.
Until the affair is smashed, and her fantasyland is laid bared (this country singer probably looking to get easy sex while you support this woman every other way, and is NOT looking to house, feed, and clothe your woman, or to be an emotional septic tank for a woman with child going through divorce).
So understand what you must do to end this affair very quickly and very decisively.
OK, now that I had this conversation with her it sounds to me she's really confused and doesn't want a divorce with me and she actually took some of the things I said to her on board and now wants to seek help.
Translation: Your woman has started getting clues to the fact already that her new love country singer was only looking to get easy sex while you support this woman every other way, and is NOT looking to house, feed, and clothe your woman, or to be an emotional septic tank for a woman with child going through divorce, and she needs to get back with you until she finds the next affair man.
My wife is the woman who believes in the perfect love, I mean the white picket fence, 2 dogs, 3 children and endless love from her partner.
Do not assume because she may have said these things she even believes them one bit. What do her actions say she believes in? A woman's actions will tell the tale of the truth.
hypergamy - Google Search
I feel as if the last 2 years of our relationship she wanted more, she feels there a lot more out there. I told her I feel as if she confuses her fantasies with reality. My wife has had a pattern with previous relationships doing the same thing ending them because another guy has come into the picture which she feels can offer her more love and fulfill her greatest fantasies.
Smash the affair, get yourself a lawyer immediately if she refuses to end her shenanigans.
Only AFTER the affair is smashed, then you locate and schedule marriage counciling to work on the relationship.
It will be a long road, until your woman is able to change her basic expecations of life, that her immediate happiness or thrillseeking somehow trumps her wedding vows, or that her happiness outweighs the happiness of her husband and child.
For such a woman, for a man to be in long term relationship with her, her man MUST make it his business to demonstrate his own happiness, desires, and success and that of his family are just as important and even more important than her personal happiness.
Therefore in reconciliation, or in any future relations with such a woman, do NOT put such a woman on a pedastal. It will only fuel her discontent and restlessness!
I wish you well.