Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin.. - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 01:45 AM Thread Starter
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Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

The situation isnt simple but ill try to make it short.We were **** buddies in the beginning then had an abrupt falling out where i was left feeling torn because at this point i had a lot of feelings for him.During the fall out i had sex with one of his friends.Needless to say huge mistake.Then i somewhat build an emotional bond with another of his friends but we never had sex.i know im a mess.We see each other months later and its obvious we still have feelings for each other.He asks me if its true about what happened with his friend i dont deny it.We procceed to have an intimate relationship after this nothing too serious at first but then feelings grew stronger.One day he ask about other said friend.We will call him Mark for the sake of helping you keep up.He asks if Mark and I had sex I say no, which is the truth.But never confess about the kissing, and touching and said friendship.Now months pass by we are officially together.Now its a year since said thing happened with Mark.Boyfriend is still unclear about the truth because Mark's friend, Andy says to my boyfriend that we had said.That Mark told him.Now he ask Mark and Mark says yes we did.Which is ****ing bull****.It has been months, almost a year.Why now mark? why ? I know im a horrible person for lying when boyfriend ask cause i deny the whole physical thing.After 10 secs I cave and tell the truth.all of it.the horrible truth.Theres a lot of crying and anger involved after this from both of us.Mainly me apologizing and saying he never mattered and realizing how much of a pieace of **** I was for lying when first asked a year ago.But technically we never had sex.Still Im wrong.Now he says in order him to get over this he needs me to feel how he feels.Because he is still friends with the friend i actually had sex with and has to see his face and images and feels like crap about it.And now on top of it all he doesnt really know what happened between Mark and I because the stories are different.My thing is i feel like this is revenge and i cant handle him having sex with my cousin.He wanted to have sex with her before we were together.Weve had a lot of issues because of him talking to her while still being a **** buddy to me.He did tell me he couldnt continue our "relationship" because he was pursuing someone.Days later told me it was her.Not sure if she has ever really been interested because shes not very trust worthy when it comes to men and sex and her word.He says he wants me to feel the same pain he does.He says he loves me and only way he will know I do is if i endure then pain of knowing.Should I even ask her ? Its killing me to even think of them together.Im hating myself for what I did.Im afraid this will ruin our relationship and I love him so much.Hes a good men but can be very childish at times.Im afraid I could lose him to her but he reassures me that he wants to be with me still and will after.Please I need advice I know this isnt a marriage but this matters to me.I need to know if I should even consider this or just call it quits.Help
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 07:27 AM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

If this is true,he's an ass. He doesn't value you. Start getting good boundaries. You did not cheat on him. If he is going to blackmail you over something that happened before you were a couple he is a jerk. You don't treat people you care about that way.
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 09:38 AM Thread Starter
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Yes this real its 100% real the whole situation I really need advice here.A lie is still a lie is it not ? He cares for me.He took me in when i was homeless and constantly in court because of the father of my child.Is this really too much ? I had a dream last night about him with someone else and I cant even handle that.
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 10:38 AM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

You should consider just moving on from this man. Your not married...not legally tied together..

And he wants your permission/assistance in having sex with one of your family members...

This relationship is going nowhere good. Boundaries...get some.
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 02:05 PM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

Does your cousin even want to have sex him?
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 02:11 PM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

You said you had sex with Mark but you lied about it but you didn't have sex with Mark?

Could you actually explain?
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 02:44 PM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

Be sure to tell your cousin that this guy wants sex with her, to use her, to hurt you. Make sure he knows that his only intention is to hurt you.

How many women did he have sex with when you two were not together. Ask him that question. Ask him the name of each one and what he did with that woman. Tell him that you will be verifying what he tells you with the women and with his friends.

Then dump him. How can you love a man who is looking for ways to punish who that justify him using other women (your cousin for one) for sex? That's all this is. He wants to have sex with others and he wants your permission to do it.
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 02:46 PM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
You said you had sex with Mark but you lied about it but you didn't have sex with Mark?

Could you actually explain?
Quote:
During the fall out i had sex with one of his friends.Needless to say huge mistake.

Then i somewhat build an emotional bond with another of his friends but we never had sex.
There were two friends during the time when she was not in a relationship with her boyfriend.

The first she had sex with.

The second, Mark, she had an emotional bond with but no sex.
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 02:53 PM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

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There were two friends during the time when she was not in a relationship with her boyfriend.

The first she had sex with.

The second, Mark, she had an emotional bond with but no sex.
So she lied about having sex with the first guy?

I'm not in favor of his request but having sex and lying about it to your SO is deadly and does need addressed.

There are just way better ways than sleeping with her cousin to deal with it.

OP. Could you clarify what you lied about?
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 04:25 PM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

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So she lied about having sex with the first guy?
No she did not lie about having sex with the first guy. She clearly stated that she admitted to having sex with the other guy, while she was single (not in relationship with bf).

The lie was about the second guy (Mark). She told her bf that she only had an emotional thing with Mark. But she also did some kissing and petting with Mark. But Mark is telling her now BF that Mark had sex with her. So now she has told her BF that she and Mark did some kissing/petting but that Mark is lying about the sex.

The BF was not her boyfriend at the time any of this happened.


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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
I'm not in favor of his request but having sex and lying about it to your SO is deadly and does need addressed.

There are just way better ways than sleeping with her cousin to deal with it.

OP. Could you clarify what you lied about?
Read the above. She's very clear. I'm not sure why you are not getting it. They were not even in a relationship when all that happened.

I would love to know how many women her bf had sex with when they were not together. If he wants total honesty about her sex life when she was not with him, then her bf owes her total honesty about his sex escapade, making out and every women he flirted with.
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 04:35 PM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

I understand that they were just f buddies and then they were nothing.

I was just confused about the lies about sex or kissing.

The lying hurts no matter what.

I don't think this relationship should even go anywhere because it is unhealthy.

I don't agree with her boyfriend but neither of them seem very stable at the moment.

My advice is to step back. Tell him you two either build a good foundation or call it quits.

Also. Don't run out and have sex quickly! Jesus! Sex is more serious than people are portraying in T.V. and movies. It is no joke and causes more problems like this than I can even remember.

If he goes off and starts banging anything with a pulse he is not and never was worth your time.

Seriously. Does a man who says he wants to be with you but wants to bang your cousin seem like a good catch?

Look at yourself and raise your standards.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 05:27 PM
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Re: Hes asking for a hall pass with my cousin..

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If he goes off and starts banging anything with a pulse he is not and never was worth your time.

Seriously. Does a man who says he wants to be with you but wants to bang your cousin seem like a good catch?

Look at yourself and raise your standards.
Yep, this is the bottom line. She needs to drop this guy and fix herself.
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 10:18 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you so much for the replies I really appreciate it.Today we had a long talk about it all.And to clarify I only lied because Mark actually begged and agreed to never say anything to my SO.I even went to talk to him months later to tell him I needed to confess and he told me clearly not to.Also to clarify I did admit to having sex with his first friend as soon as i seen him on the day we ended up coming home together because we wanted to have a private conversation.Today he told me that he just ask for those things to mess with my head and he apologized for being a d i c k in general.He admitted to acting childish and expressed his fear on losing me.Also I never spoke to my cousin about this I never planned on it because I knew it would destroy me and us I just needed to know if he really wanted this.Again thank you everyone
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 10:20 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by soccermom2three View Post
Does your cousin even want to have sex him?
I never told her about.Never planned on it honestly.
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-28-2015, 10:29 PM Thread Starter
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Be sure to tell your cousin that this guy wants sex with her, to use her, to hurt you. Make sure he knows that his only intention is to hurt you.

How many women did he have sex with when you two were not together. Ask him that question. Ask him the name of each one and what he did with that woman. Tell him that you will be verifying what he tells you with the women and with his friends.

Then dump him. How can you love a man who is looking for ways to punish who that justify him using other women (your cousin for one) for sex? That's all this is. He wants to have sex with others and he wants your permission to do it.

He's a very honest guy since the beginning of it all.He didnt have sex with anyone after our falling out.And didnt pursue anyone.I think he got really caught up with his feelings and I understand what it feels like to know that the person u love had sex with one of your friends after having sex with you.I've been a good girl since we talking again and extra good after we made it official.I know we have our issues and we both have a lot of growing to do but we have a great thing in common and thats that even in anger and pain we still love each other and talk things through everytime.Hes an ******* sometimes but im certainly a ***** sometimes lol
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