Hi everyone. I found this site after deciding to end my marriage of almost 11 years.
When we got together, my husband told me he was a sex addict. I honestly had no clue what I was getting into. None. It has totally destroyed my marriage and self esteem.
In the 11 years we've been together, we've never had intercourse due to his ED. Supposedly it is due to his diabetes, but the chronic masturbation certainly has a lot to do with it. At one point I had a tracker on his computer and he was spending up to 8 hours a day watching porn. I've asked him to use the penile injections (pills don't work for diabetics), but he refuses. He tells me he wants sooo bad to have intercourse but refuses to do anything about it. Is it a coincidence that the porn he watches involves lots of facials?
I confronted him several years ago about it and was told it wasn't going to change, so I could deal with it or not. Financially I wasn't in a place where I could leave or kick him out, so he called my bluff that time. A couple years later I confronted him again. This time he agreed to clean up, and did for a while. One slip up, but then back to being clean. Things were going well in our marriage. Better than ever.
He had been in kidney failure for a couple years, then a year ago today he started dialysis at home. I was the one who called the doctor to report his symptoms and he was furious with me because he didn't want to be on dialysis. In October I donated a kidney to him. It was like someone flipped a switch. He got his energy back and was back to the man I fell in love with. I had a job that I despised but had stayed at because of the insurance and because I needed to support my disabled husband. I was offered an early retirement with a generous buyout a couple months later and took it. All my dreams were coming true.
January or so I started suspecting the porn had made it's way back into the house. There were subtle changes, but I overlooked it. It continued to get worse. In February, I came into the bedroom after my shower and saw the swipe of the screen on his phone as I walked in the door. He then got up to take his shower. I picked up his phone and sure enough, he was watching porn on an incognito screen that he didn't bother to close. Another confrontation and this time I really pulled back from the relationship. The porn has been going on steadily since then.
Tuesday I had a job interview. I left him home watching TV. I come home, close the back door (it's easily heard in the living room), yelled hello to him, then walked into the living room. He was laying on the couch, naked, with the computer on his chest. It took a few seconds for it to register, but then I heard the classic porn soundtrack. He had a totally dazed look on his face and just looked at me and said he was sorry.
He approached me later as I was moving my things into the guest room. According to him, moving to another room isn't going to help our marriage. Wednesday night I informed him that the move is permanent and that I am done. He didn't say anything.
I've since found out that he started with the porn within a month of getting his new kidney. Possibly sooner, but I doubt it because we had someone staying with us to help in our recovery. I'm making plans to get things fixed in our house so we can put it on the market next summer. I neither know nor care whether he plans on staying in this area or moving closer to his family, but I can't take it anymore. I am heartbroken over this. The worst part is that there is NO ONE I can talk to. I had a therapist, but she didn't have a clue about sex/porn addictions. Now I don't have any insurance, so even if there was someone in my area who dealt with it (there isn't), I couldn't afford to go.