Re: My wife is consumed by her AA group
Hi, OP here. Wow. I didn't realize what a can of worms i opened here. So many opinions across the board and i appreciate them all. I want to be the "glass half full" optimist and believe all is well and that i have just mind f**ked myself into a paranoid state of suspicion by surfing the net too much but the changes in her behavior have been recent and sudden. 1 meeting a week is all she's attended for most of her recovery and then the sudden jump, the strange hours, and the desire to take on more group responsibilities (a second sponsee, attending the business meetings).
There's been no life turmoil that might lead to relapse that she's shared with me and I've been very careful about avoiding triggers at home (i do drink socially but don't keep alcohol in the house, stay out late, or come home drunk). I don't even record some of my favorite TV shows because of frequent drug/alcohol references. I've told here i'd come with her to meetings (its an open group format) or look at a support group like Al-Anon but she says it's not critical to her recovery (and in some ways, I'm very dubious of the insular nature of the 12 step approach for obvious reasons). She even told me she would't mind if i had a glass of wine with dinner at home but even i know the potential pitfall of flaunting that trigger. The decision to keep the house booze free was mine as was my decision to give away all our bar-ware, martini glasses and anything else that was a reminder of that former lifestyle.
Her sponsor is female BTW as is her new sponsee so I'm not worried about that. I guess my ultimate question is (and let's take the glass half full assumption that she's not having an affair) how do we become spouses again and not just 2 people who share a house with a child who wonders why mommy and daddy sleep in different rooms. (Oh, BTW, the sex stopped 6 months ago too and her reason for sleeping in the guest room is my snoring, which is actually believable).
As i read my own words here, i realize I'm in my own form of denial and probably the poster child for a sucker but let's put on our rose tinted glasses for a moment, assume the situation can be salvaged, and address the question that stems from the comments of several respondents. If it's not uncommon for one addiction to be traded for another, (in this case booze for AA), why stop there? What can we do for our loved ones to get them to trade in (or at least share) their new addiction for yet another, a burning addiction to be with the people who love them?