He's trying to leave me or what ? - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-21-2015, 04:42 AM Thread Starter
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He's trying to leave me or what ?

Hey! My name is Jessica

Been reading here for pretty long and it has helped me a lot. Now I'm hoping you guys can help me out again with my first post.

I decided to try online dating and found an amazing man living in another city 45 min away from me. We've been speaking for about a month and I've figured that he's definitely a man of my life. At first I had a great game and was even impressed by myself. But the more I talked to him and got more comfortable.

Date 1: Took a walk, he guided me around his city
Date 2: Dinner
Date 3: he took the train to my city and we discovered Stockholm together, then dinner. All the time holding hands. We finished the date with cinema, but we kissed more than looking at the actual movie.

As usual I sent a message after the date saying ""Had a great time, I want to see you again soon"". He suggested that I should come visit him then, so 3 days later I did.

Date 4: First took a walk then movie at his place. His mother called and he answered ""I'm with Jes, talk later"". That means he had mentioned me to his mother? Probably good? During the movie we started making out. We didn't go further though. At 00:00 I left cause I knew he was going up early and me too (Tuesday). I sent him a text saying ""Hope to see u soon )<3"". He replied ""Of course! and a kiss smiley"".

Our next conversation was on snapchat. I commented on his story, wished him a great weekend (went to visit his friend)

I was a bit surprised that he didn't text me like he used to, so sent him a ""thinking about you"" on Sunday evening when I knew he'd be home. he replied with just a smiley and asked if I had a great weekend. The conversation continued, but he was a bit cold and not as flirty as he used to be. I invited him to my place and told him I'd try to beat his friend in the MasterChef challenge.

Here comes the problem. He denied and said he was busy whole week with studies. He didn't say that he wanted to see me, but not that he didn't want to see me either. I continued the conversation a bit and he replied even though I didn't ask questions, but still cold.

I've probably ****ed up totally. My current plan is to not text him in a week and see what happens. Fellas! Please give me some tips, because I really like this man and don't want to blow it! Don't tell me It's too late.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-21-2015, 04:44 AM
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Re: He's trying to leave me or what ?

I agree in my mind with idea that he needs to feel validated by having you """"Chase"""" him. The fact that he is always running off, waiting for you to run after him to make things better.... This is not a trait of a mature man.

It's not okay to make you feel like you are always the one to make amends, and give him reassurance. It almost seems like a game to him to see how far he can push you without you leaving.

For him to refuse to return your texts/calls for so long, and then finally respond as though you are annoying him is childish and just plain rude. Is this really your ideal man?

You are absolutely right is to not text him in a week and see what happens, but if I were you? I wouldn't. Not at all. You didn't do anything wrong, yet you have to play his I Love You I Love You Not game? I think not.

It's not fair to you to always be playing by his rules, and being manipulated into catering to him whenever he is moody.

When he contacts you again, be firm and let him know that you need more stability in your relationship and he can't be playing Hot and Cold at his whim. If he doesn't contact you? Let him leave. It's truly his loss, not yours.

My best girlfriend had this same problem too, she was very impatient!
She tried tried and tried to chase him back, but she just couldn't do it.I felt so bad for her. I mean, how could I help her to save that relationship? So I took it upon myself and started digging.

I FINALLY found some method that looked interesting.My girlfriend actually ended up taking this method and lets just say this...She has been successfully starting to find the way out . Amazing right?. I would seriously suggest you to try it.

She loved that method.In fact she loved it so much he wrote a review about on her blog which later spread all over the internet!
Anyway here is her method review

Hope this helps you too, just like it helped her.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-21-2015, 05:46 AM
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Re: He's trying to leave me or what ?

Sorry, but you are an ego boost for him and his vanity. Analogy. You are the mouse and he is the cat. He ties a piece of cheese to a string and dangl the food in front of you and as you draw near, he pulls the food away. The food represents companionship, a relationship which there is a drive to have fulfilled. You want the food, his affection, thus you chase after it.

There is a strong attraction on your end, a drive, or motivation to seek him out because he provides a release of those feel good hormones and neurotransmitters. As social animals, we crave connection. So, when you stop chasing him, he dangles the food in front of you again.

The only thing you have perceive from him was that he showed you his good side, and he is masking his flaws and dysfunction by playing these games. This should be a red flag, but the reptilian part of our brains overrule our logic. If a friend of yours is posting the same thing, you would see the red flags and advise her not to play and move on.

He showed you what you wanted to see, a guy you can fall for, which is probably illusionary. It is a way to bait someone into his game by giving the other person what they want.

I am such a tree hugger because it gives me wood!
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-21-2015, 06:10 AM
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Re: He's trying to leave me or what ?

Your post title is a real dandy.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-27-2015, 02:33 AM Thread Starter
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Re: He's trying to leave me or what ?

Thing gotten worst
He disconnected for 5 days ,and i cant connect him
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-27-2015, 06:45 AM
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Re: He's trying to leave me or what ?

Stop chasing the man. Let him hunt you.

You realize that he's dating online. That means he is meeting other women and going on dates with them. Maybe, he found a better offer.

Keep dating, try not to get too attache so quickly. Keep an open mind. Lots of toads out there. Good luck and forget this guy. He is not the one.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-27-2015, 08:24 AM
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Re: He's trying to leave me or what ?

Move on. If he tries to contact you, you can decide then if you want to see him again.

Until then, don't waste anymore energy on this one.

Personally, I wouldn't go out with him again. He has shown you his true colors and lack of interest. Guys who are interested don't "disconnect" for 5 days.

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-27-2015, 08:28 AM
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Re: He's trying to leave me or what ?

Jessica, at this point walk away for a bit, i would even go back on the dating site, one of three things are happening. 1. he is truly busy in studies or family matters and you contacting him might not be a good thing 2. He has moved on and is a loser for not responding back 3. He is trying to assess your relationship on his own before he decides if he wants to continue this. By going back on the dating site you can always say no to a new guy if either number 1 or 3 plays out and he wants you back in his life.
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