I feel awful and guilty - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 07-04-2011, 12:21 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy I feel awful and guilty

Hi everyone, I've been married 10 years and my husband has hard a tough life and I knew he had issues prior to marrying him but I was an idiot thinking he would change. My husband is very sweet and he tries but he has always had an on-off drug problem. Past was smoking crack and heroin then he stopped a nd recently got addicted to xanax and percocet for a presc. given to him by doctor. I have been put through so much stress watching this happen over and over - he goes to a program comes out all is good for a yr or so and again this problem peaks its little dirty head. I have had jewelry stolen and it has gotten to a point that no matter how sweet and hard working he is I just don 't feel the same. I feel so guilty for feeling this way because you are supposed to stick by your spouse through thick and thin but I just don 't feel the same-trust is diminished and I feel this drug crap will continue to be a problem at some point. God help me make the right decision. Any words of advise would help thanks
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 07-05-2011, 04:16 PM
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Re: I feel awful and guilty

My advice is to end it. He will only change if he wants to. He's an addict and a junkie and is willing to steal your jewelry to get high (and who knows what else).
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 07-05-2011, 05:55 PM
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Re: I feel awful and guilty

Originally Posted by livingalie View Post
I have had jewelry stolen and it has gotten to a point that no matter how sweet and hard working he is I just don 't feel the same. I feel so guilty for feeling this way because you are supposed to stick by your spouse through thick and thin
Yes, in theory we are to honor our marriage vows "for better or for worse." However, we are also supposed to have boundaries as to what we will accept and not accept from our spouse. He stole your jewelry, and yet you feel guilty. You have no reason to feel guilty when an addict steals from you in order to support his habit. You don't mention if he feels any remorse or regret over stealing from you.

Naturally you don't feel the same. You're married to an addict. And addicts aren't known for respecting other people's boundaries.

The suggestion I'd make to you is to try counseling. Find someone who is experienced in addictions counseling, because he or she will understand your dilemma. I'd also suggest you pick up a copy of Codependent No More. The first time I read it, I didn't get it because I was fixated on the addict in my life and trying to "repair" him. I finally realized that I was carrying the burden of guilt, remorse, and regret for someone who was becoming increasingly irresponsible and trampling all over me.

Time to set boundaries for yourself. Get strong enough and get the necessary tools to put your boundaries in place and enforce them. I wish you well. Being married to an addict never gets better until the addict gets serious about working a program of recovery.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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