Husbands porn addiction - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 02:10 PM Thread Starter
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Husbands porn addiction

My husband finally admitted to me after years and years of problems that he's addicted to porn.
He's never admitted it before and has never been open to trying to work on anything so I am hoping that this time he will.
He's always looked at porn and I always knew the first few times I caught him I was horrified and we would fight. He would always convince me it was no big deal. The issue was mine etc etc. since he had me so convinced I was the problem I would do everything I could to make him happy. I would do stuff I wasn't comfortable with just to get him to stop. I thought it worked but the truth is it never did. I get sick to my stomach to think about all the times he had sex with me and he probably didn't even want to.
He's done so much damage to me emotionally I am shocked that I am able to be supportive of him right now. Maybe because he's finally acting like he is committed to changing? I don't know. It all came to an ugly blow out fight after a month of not having sex he just went to bed one night and watched porn. I'd been mentioning the lack of sex for weeks, months really because we have probably had sex 5 times in the past 6 months.
I'm willing to help him but i also have to help myself. I don't think he has any clue what this all has truly done to me.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-18-2015, 11:36 AM
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Re: Husbands porn addiction

I am so sorry you are going through this. I really do not know much about this so I don't have much to offer. However, I would like to strongly recommend counseling. I doubt that he can change on his own. And you could really benefit from the advice of someone that could help you cope with what you are facing. It could be immensely helpful for both of you.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-18-2015, 01:51 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you for the replies! I should have mentioned this in my initial post but I believe the porn problem comes from certain fetishes that he has.
I've tried in the past to indulge him in some of these things but he would always without fail take it too far. He would do things he knew I hated and promised he wouldn't once we were in the moment. Of course that made me not trust him and sex became something that gave me anxiety and not look forward to. He spent years blaming this all on me.
And the thing is, he had me convinced it was all my problem! He would go on and on about how it's something he enjoys so why can't I just do it?

My counter argument was that I always at least put an effort out there and it was never good enough.

During our blow out fight about this he told me he chooses porn because of those things he likes but I won't do. This has gone on for so many years and I can't believe I am just realizing this is his issue and not mine.

Until 6 months ago I was very into reading erotica. Now it makes me feel sad and depressed because I essentially have no sex life.

He's vowed to not look at porn anymore. He hasn't as far as I know in a week but that's not a very long time and I know it could change at any moment.

For the past week he has been a model husband. Doing extra stuff around the house, actually talking to me. Giving me a hug and kiss when he comes home from work and before bed. It IS like he gets it but he doesn't want to go to counseling because he is ashamed. I've told him I don't think he can turn this around long term without it.

No matter how many articles I read about it "not meaning he's not attracted to me" I can't shake the feeling of seeing myself as disgusting. I keep in pretty decent shape for having had 4 kids but I never feel like I am good enough.

We did have sex for the first time in months this past weekend. It started off fine but ended up being disappointing to say the least. He's still in selfish mode.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-28-2015, 10:25 AM
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Been there.! I know exactly how the feelings and thoughts overwhelm our lives. If they only knew the pain and shame they make us carry ! I feel the spouses paythew price for their entertaining addiction. !
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-20-2015, 01:46 PM
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Re: Husbands porn addiction

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.K View Post
My husband finally admitted to me after years and years of problems that he's addicted to porn.
He's never admitted it before and has never been open to trying to work on anything so I am hoping that this time he will.
He's always looked at porn and I always knew the first few times I caught him I was horrified and we would fight. He would always convince me it was no big deal. The issue was mine etc etc. since he had me so convinced I was the problem I would do everything I could to make him happy. I would do stuff I wasn't comfortable with just to get him to stop. I thought it worked but the truth is it never did. I get sick to my stomach to think about all the times he had sex with me and he probably didn't even want to.
He's done so much damage to me emotionally I am shocked that I am able to be supportive of him right now. Maybe because he's finally acting like he is committed to changing? I don't know. It all came to an ugly blow out fight after a month of not having sex he just went to bed one night and watched porn. I'd been mentioning the lack of sex for weeks, months really because we have probably had sex 5 times in the past 6 months.
I'm willing to help him but i also have to help myself. I don't think he has any clue what this all has truly done to me.
Don't feel terrible. My wife and I haven't had sex in a lot longer than that, and we are both faithful. I know, we've obviously got our own issues...
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