alwaysnforever

My husband quit smoking Pot back in November 2010. The weeks after were rough but at that time I understood his behavior. I knew that his body was going through the process of stopping something he did for YEARS.

Currently, he has been withdrawn, moody, and has distanced himself from me quite a bit. I am usually the one now that initiates sex. He has not shown me any affection at all...no hugs that he initiates, if I kiss him, it's a quick peck (basically just to get me off of him), he doesn't say I love you anymore and if I do, he barely can mumble, I love you too. I can't tell you how hurtful this all is.

I have been paranoid that he has started an EA but I have no proof that he is or isn't. I don't believe that he is having a PA though.

My question is, is his current behavior still due to him stopping the Pot? Or is it me? Does he no longer want to be with me?

Of note, he quit the Pot due to a possible job promotion. He found out last month that he did not get the position but there is still the opportunity in the future. For this reason, he has decided not to start the smoking again. Though he has admitted that he wants to.

He also hasn't hung out with his friends much lately since the majority of them do smoke. And obviously he is avoiding them as the temptation is too great when he is around them.

Anyways, any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

Wrench

Pot isn't addictive, the lifestyle is

I've smoked off and on for years, quite a lot at times. I've recently started an anti-anxiety medication and it does for me what the weed used to. I'd have him talk to the doctor about his moods, a lot of guys self-medicate with pot but it's not a good fit for everyone (plus it's illegal).

He could be fooling around but if he's just bummed about losing the promotion and missing his friends then he should talk to the doc about depression, I feel way better now and the joint I smoked with old friends on my recent vacation actually made me laugh like it's suppossed to

alwaysnforever

Wrench, do you think that missing this "lifestyle" has caused him to be depressed?

He has been sleeping a lot lately.

Wrench

It's normal if he's missing that laid back bacholer lifestyle, it is pretty fun!

But if he's sleeping lots and not into sex etc then I'd say he's got a bit of a problem with depression (or some other diagnosis) that is getting worse as he's aging.

I resisted telling a doctor until I was 37 but I thought I'd give it a try and it's pretty obvious now that I needed the pills. Of couse I'm going through a seperation so I'm super-stressed.

It can't hurt to talk to the doc, and he won't get in trouble if they pee-test at work!

ti82

I just quit smoking pot on New Years (my story is here).

One thing that I think is interesting is that the reason why he quit - the possible promotion - is more of an external motivation versus an internal motivation. I.e. "If I fail the drug test I can't move onto the next step in my career", rather than "Smoking pot is hurting relationships that are important to me, I should stop". So now that the job promotion didn't happen, he has less of a reason to quit and he is let down by it, so it's easy to get depressed and want some of those "good times" that us pot-addicts tend to hold on to.

I hid my usage from my wife, so I never had an opportunity to talk about it, but you two sound different. I think you should talk to him, and focus on how you are seeing that he is depressed, and that you would like to help, not on the fact that he quit pot. It is very humbling to realize that some "friends" aren't really there without the bond of a drug. But also keep in mind that this may not be the only issue, so it is important to hear from him directly what is bringing him down.

I agree with Wrench that this does sound a lot like real depression. Your support (and that of a doctor or therapist) can really make a difference. I'm sure pot isn't the only thing that defines him, so encourage healthy activity and friendships, and foster those aspects of his life that are untainted by it (a hobby, an interest, etc).