Need help.... - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-07-2015, 08:48 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Need help....

My wife and I have been married just over 3 months.
We've had a relationship for 2 years before marriage. I had a problem with alcohol. Sometimes daily. After numerous fights and almost break ups I almost had it under control.
Long story short. It lasted for so long that she's now paranoid about it. She says she's meeting me half way and is okay with drinking moderate and whatnot, but I can see she isn't.
In the recent few days it's got to a point where she's unsure where this is going and is ready to walk away. There happened a rare incident where I had too much, but rare. And it still sends her over the edge more and more. She says it's gotten to a point where she doesn't trust me at all when I'm out with the guys having a beer or two (which is the truth) and having it under control because of these incidents.
So technically I thought about it, I solved the problem 95%. Recent day's events showed me it wasn't enough. Nevermind other issues such as not progressing with studies as fast as we would like and not advancing in a career as fast adds on to it.
So I came up with the plan to quit, which doesn't really pose much challenge to me. I quit smoking weed over 10 years ago and haven't touched it since. I know some of you will say "well it's too late, you screwed up" Yeah, I know I facilitated it largely.
My problem is this - when I'm actually giving it 110% and am finally committed, she says shes doesn't know if she has it in her to believe me.
I love her very much and I am serious about making this better.
My brother in law respects me and really stood up for me during those incidents. But he doesn't know the full story of 2 years of battling and what we've gone through.
My question is this - I have a strong desire to come clean with him. But at the same time I hear that it may damage things even further or on the contrary, help.
We're also thinking of a marriage counselor.

Really unsure what to do...
Any advice would be appreciated...

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-07-2015, 03:08 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 1,369
Re: Need help....

Stop drinking. No going out for beer afterwork. No drinking in the evening. Not even one. None.

After months and maybe years, your wife will start trusting your words again. Your actions will tell.

All drunks think they have it under control. Until, it's too late and your are a complete drunk with no wife, kids or money.

Tell everyone who matters of your issue, don't hide. People cannot support you if they don't know what the deal is.

How I know, I have a drunk for an uncle. He started out one drink after work. Everyday. It evolved to 2. Then, he started to hide his drinking. We all though he was sick, until we realized he was a drunk.

To save yourself and your marriage. STOP DRINKING. Thats my advice. Look your problems straight in the face. Don't use alcohol to hide and make things go away. Start by saving you.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-07-2015, 04:41 PM
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Location: Hawaii
Posts: 1,049
Re: Need help....

based on what you've shared, stop drinking period. 100% now. staying off alcohol and her seeing that you stay that way over time will be part of the slow road back to repairing the relationship.
And MC for the two of you sounds like a good idea.
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