Wounded over addictions
I am not sure where to begin. I have been with my husband for 6 years and we have 2 kids.we have had problems with our sex life since day one of our marriage. We also haven't had it easy and have been through so much stress with work and financial and the core of our relationship was broken. I used all these stressor as to why our relationship was non existent.I went through so much depression over it.
We bearly had sex and when e we did I intaiting and for a good 2 years he had ED most of the time. I left so low and my self body imaged shattered. But I always thought it was the stressors in our life that put a wedge between us.our lives were getting better and the same stressors were not in our lives. I thought things would change but they hadn't. After our second I decided that I wanted to have a relationship I desired and needed or its the end for me.
For the last month we have been working on these issues. Having sex more frequently but it as finally been out now that porn and masturbation as been that wedge. I know he was using porn because we could go months and months without sex. I didn't think he was using it so much and thou I am not against it. It had affected our sex life. He basically took care of himself and because I was sick of intaiting and not being wanted I stop having sex with him. I have recently found out that he used it once since the last straw he says since we are trying to make an amend. Because we have twice used it during intercourse he said the it was because he was looking for us. I told him in light of all this that I wanted to remove it from the bedroom even thou I liked it.I am not against porn when used in a healthy fashion but I now don't trust him. He clears his broswering history or uses incognito so I can't even provemit either way.
What I don't understand is if its an addiction or habit? Or both
I am hurt and angry that he was done this to me.I am hurt that it had gone on so long.
He said he's going to stop and focus on us and building our relationship to what it was before we got married. I don't trust him and I resent him so much.
He doesn't want to bring up the past but I seem to not be able to let go.things I. The past are starting to make sense and it hurt me more and than I get angry at him
What are the building blocks to start over?