I hid my opiate addiction from her - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-14-2015, 11:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I hid my opiate addiction from her

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I have noticed the same thing about NA versus AA. That makes me really sad and a little mad that no one made you feel welcome. That was what made me choose my home group. Everyone was really nice and approachable. Lots of different women gave me their phone numbers and told me to call anytime. I also liked that everyone was laughing and having a good time. If I had to choose, I'd choose the AA group with lots of sober time. I've seen meetings get very sick when no one has any clean time. It becomes the piZZ and moan sessions like you see on TV. I'm also a big fan of the single sex meetings. I felt really comfortable in early sobriety in women only meetings. It definitely was less intimidating.

Have you found a sponsor yet? I don't think you have to pick the person with the longest clean time to sponsor you. I would look for someone with at least a year or two, who has worked all the steps. Some people want someone who is going to call them on their crap and be tough with them, and I guess that works for them. I like the people that have a certain aura of peace about them. The people that seem to have worked on their emotional as well as their physical sobriety. Just remember, it's not a marriage. If it doesn't work out, you can pick someone else.

single sex meetings ?? I am really not at all comfortable with men, i am much more at ease, i feel safer around women for some reason, i find women much easier to talk to, open up to. I hit this wall with all guys in the program, "what was your DOC", oh mine was this or that what was yours... and that's the extent of 99% of conversations i have with guys in the program. in meetings , in treatment facilities, in hospitals , detoxes , i really very rarely meet guys that i can feel i bond with , talk with etc. I have been slacking on the meetings to be honest but still very clean, i know the power and control that my DOC had over me, and towards the end the method of ingestion ( IV) became a second addiction. i heard about people getting addicted to the method/ to the needle but had no clue at all what they meant by that. i am focused 100%% of the time on this fact , when i was actively using, i might be high for 5 hours a week high and the rest of the time either sick or chasing the next dollar to get more, or just laying there depressed like a zombie, watching life pass me by. you know i really need a wake up call, i need to understand what it means to be alive , and i need to appreciate this gift of life we have, tomorrow has never been, and never will be promised to anyone. anyways i am going to hit a meeting tomorrow if possible, see thats my problem , going to meetings seems to make sobriety a little easier and i just can't stand meetings ....
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-16-2015, 04:37 PM
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Re: I hid my opiate addiction from her

I know what you mean about the DOC talk. I have found those people to usually be very early in the recovery process. They have a saying in the rooms I'm sure you've heard,"stick with the winners"

Don't give up yet. Try some different meetings. That's one of the cool things about recovery. We "get" to let go of some of our old ideas. Good luck!
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-23-2015, 05:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I hid my opiate addiction from her

thanks to all who have replied to this thread. really i mean that not just saying it to hear myself speak ( type ? ). I have come to the conclusion that i need to separate myself from this situation, because of the ups and downs , and the constant doubting me, and then loving and believing in me once again. i am afraid of the pain i will be in once i cut my ties and i do think that i will be more inclined to pick up and use again, but right now i am choosing the lesser of two evils. being with her in whatever regard i am ( the relationship is very complex to say the least) or being apart from her. maybe i just need a break from the whole thing and get some months , maybe a year of sobriety behind me before i jump back in? i know anyone who replies to this will say yes , for me to focus on myself, my sobriety, my happiness, but i truly do love this woman, and yes i lied ,yes i hid my addiction but she is willing to give me another chance, i just need to determine whether or not i want that other chance i guess. geesh the ups and downs are brutal, she gets so very close to me, it feels like we are perfect, like we will end up growing old together , and I do anything, say something wrong , she is reminded of the drug use, or the lies and just like that she goes on a rampage, she can be so cold, so distant , and actually can be very mean to me ( saying things to trigger me, saying things she knows will hurt and make me very upset)
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-24-2015, 01:59 PM
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Re: I hid my opiate addiction from her

Some of your roller coaster feelings may be due to your healing brain chemistry. I don't think her reactions are that uncommon, but I have a feeling there is more to the story. Have you ever heard the saying, "sick people attract sick people"? It might be wise to take a step back. It sounds like your feelings are easily influenced by hers.
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