08-23-2011, 03:36 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
| | Re: Im feeling Hopeless...
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You must feel crushed and devastated. I'm going through a similar (but not the same) kind of situation myself and I just wanted to tell you a few things:
1) This is not your fault and there is nothing deficient about you to make this happen.
2) Some people bury their secrets so deep within that they don't even admit them to themselves; even though the deception hurts, it's probably not done with malice but out of shame or selfishness on his part.
3) If you are still intimate with him, please use condoms. If he's looking at others and sharing pictures, he has most likely actually followed through, even though he isn't admitting it to you. And get yourself and him tested as well.
4) Breathe. You found a forum instead of telling a family member and that is a good choice. I made the mistake of expressing things about my situation to my family and now everything is a huge huge huge disaster. Try to meet people you can talk to and connect with here (or in a local support group) so you don't feel so alone.
5) You will get through this. Even though every day hurts like hell, it will get easier to bear. It helps to stay busy and to keep your mind occupied with other things when the desire to fall apart grips you. But, it's okay to cry about it -- as long as you don't remain in the sadness without trying to take care of yourself. You have your kids to care for, too, and maybe that will help keep you occupied and give you some joy.
6) If you can, try a separation for a while so that you can both have some time to figure out what you want for yourselves. Good for you that you decided to get some counseling.
Hang in there, because you're not alone in feeling betrayed by a husband who is living a secret life. You deserve better treatment, either from him or from someone who can respect you.