Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
I think there's been an attempt in the last decade to push porn into the mainstream. It's perfectly normal, just a bit of fun for uninhibited people etc etc.
I've never bought into it. I'm pretty open minded sexually and I've never messed guys around with sex. So my attitude has always been that if I'm with a guy that wants to watch it well I'm obviously not enough for him so he had better take himself away and find someone else.
The true difference between Porn and Erotica is.... (drumroll please....)
Personal taste and personal opinion.
Pornography in an of itself is not harmful. Research reveals that while some people do not feel comfortable with pornography, it is not related to violence or other crime.
Also, there is no such thing as porn "addiction"... you CAN be compulsive about your use of porn just like people can be compulsive about shopping, sex, texting, etc... But it does not actually meet the medical (DSM) criteria of addiction like alcohol or drug addiction.
Though pornography in and of itself is not harmful... what DOES matter is how a couple negotiate it. If porn is POSITIVE for both members of the couple, then GREAT! If porn is NEGATIVE for one member of the couple, well then communication and negotiation has to happen...
The USA is one of the most sex-negative countries in the world... and Most of us who grow up here grow up affected by that. It's a tough thing to surmount.
I think that I'm also split in two as far as this subject goes, but feel that once your partner has a problem with you watching porn because of the way it makes them feel, it's not okay. For some it's acceptable for their spouses to watch porn. In that case I would say yes. But if you have someone in the background feeling unloved and unwanted because of your interest in porn, and you (knowing how it makes them feel) continue it - then no. Then you are chosing porn over your spouse's feelings. Everyone feels differently about it - accept that you may have a spouse that feels that it's not acceptable and honour their feelings.
Porn being bad isn't just in the eye of the beholder, but more importantly, in the eye of the beholder's significant other...
I have no issues with Porn. People complain all the time about it being degrading, etc. If you don't like it because of that, that's fine. Me personally, I don't agree with that. 99% of the people in those movies made a choice to do what they are doing, and many profit from it, some greatly profit. No different from alcohol.
Again, I don't mind Porn at all. I used to watch it. I wouldn't sit around all day wacking off in front of my TV or Computer (not that I didn't do it a time and again), but I would watch it. Actually, it served as an aid to my fantasies. I gave me ideas. Positions, techniques, new places to try, etc. I've never considered it a big deal. For me watching porn was in no way any negative indication of my wife or whoever I was with at the time. Actually, on the times I did masturbate while watching porn, it wasn't because I wanted that girl in the movie. It was simply aiding in my fantasy, adding a visual and vocal stimulation to masturbation which is normally only physical stimulation. I can insert myself and my wife into what's going on in the movie, and just would add something. I have never and would never EVER chose a porn and a tug to sex with my wife EVER. And if I ever had movies of myself and my wife having sex... I would always choose that 100% of the time rather than porn.
BUT, while I didn't think it was a problem at first. My wife had a big problem with it. She confronted me about it... I realized how it made her feel, so I stopped. Since then, we watched a couple of them together, but I don't watch them on my own anymore. I still to this day don't think there is a single thing wrong with it, but because my wife views it differently, I don't watch it. Just one of those compromises that you make in a relationship.
I don't have a problem with porn, I'll watch it with my H if we can find a decent one. The only way it would become an issue with me is if it was being chosen OVER relations with me. Then it would become an issue. My H knows that there is not much I would be unwilling to try with him, so as long as its not taking MY place then i'm ok.....
I don't like it because it makes me feel like I am not good enough. I can somewhat tolerate it if I am with him; but then again I sometimes feel as though I am there to act outwhat he is seeing. Like stated before to me it takes the love out of sex. Then when we are having sex I have to wonder if he's having sex with me, or the chick hesaw the night before. Needless to say I don't have alot fo self worth and my husband knows this......which makes it hurt even more.
subwife-
After years of probing, my wife finally told me that she sometimes imagines I am someone else when we are having sex. I was surprised at first, but I am quite happy about it now.
At one point, when she told me a little about the type of guy she imagined, During sex, I used to whisper things in her ear about what he was going to do with her etc. Sometimes, this got us both quite hot. I'm not very good at the sexy talk, I am more into sensations, but it's fun to try.
Actually, I believe if I practised enough, I could get good at it - but not in a hurry.
To subwife: AMEN!!!!!!!! I also am reminded daily about the little extra I have here or there and if I would just work out a little bit, it wouldn't be there! If I had time to work out, I would! I have other priorities, my kids and time with them. If he wants to have sex with them then he can leave. We have been fighting for 15 years over him secretly looking at porn. He still won't quit. Guess how I feel doesn't matter to him.
see that is the thing....some men ARE delusional...
what makes him thing these "hot babes" want him?
You know I want my wife to lose a few pounds, but you know what...My butt needs to lose some as well....it's a wash.
when my wife married me I was 140 now I am 180, she was 98LBS and now 115lbs (after 3 kids) So who the hell am I to tell her she has "extra pounds?" apparently my butt is bigger....LOL
to me it s either a "joint effort" or no effort at all. either both workout to maintain a healthy lifestyle together for each other, or you live as you see fit.
also it's a sad case of reality of these men when they hit the "dating world" when reality hits them upside the head....OOPS the super model wants the young stud....not you.
I guess in some ways you could say this is my soap box too, so this might be long. The biggest reason porn is bad, is because the Bible says it is sin. Like someone mentioned above, the verses that say if a man looks upon a woman to lust after her, he's committed adultery already in his heart. The Bible says to flee from fornication. Fornication is talked about again and again to avoid it. The Greek word translated fornication is porneia, from which the English word "pornographic" is derived. When David saw Bathsheba bathing outside, he lusted after her, he wanted what he saw and he got what he saw. She ended up getting pregnant, but her husband was at battle so she knew the baby was David's. David then ordered her husband to the frontline where he was murdered. David knew this would happen. So all because of his lust of one woman, it caused other actions, in this case, murder. If you look at statistics in child molestation, rape, a lot of murder, cases and you dig deep, you will find that it started with pornography. Two that come to mind are John Wayne Gacey and Jeffrey Domer. It is degrading to women all over, yes the ones that do it choose to do it, but what they do makes it bad for all women. Look at the man or men (can't remember names) who get so disgusted after a while of women and thinking of them as *****s, that they go hire a prostitutes and kill them. It starts in the heart and eventually will come out. I have also read where the images of porn are burned into the brain and thoughts of it consume them, after so long and so much looking, the brain is affected, can't think the right way, can't concentrate, etc. I could go on and on. The whole porn thing is so deeply infesting our society as a whole, and our future generation. It is ruining lives, marriages, and families!
This is a really touchy subject with me. I'll tell you one aspect that really ticks me off: The sneakiness. If I'm out of the house for one nanosecond he's at it. I never tell him where I'm going or when I'll be back any more. If I have to, I just vaguely say that I'm just going out for a minute or something like that. I'll even come home pretending I've forgotten something. I hate what I've turned into!
Re: Just a porn question
Re: Just a porn question
