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Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-06-2016, 05:49 PM Thread Starter
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Porn sites

Is anyone familiar with porn sites that charge your credit card with this description: Pointmgt.com I'm pretty certain that one is for some kind of porn, and in fact
my husband admitted it. Just not sure what he is getting but he's spent close to $500 this year, and recently it's really escalated. Then our credit card got compromised, haha, and I wondered if it was due to his using this website. Today we had more charges from another one called CSFollow.com. Our bank called and said we had questionable charges, and I had to verify the charges. My husband acted all annoyed that I had to bother him about possible fraudulent activity on the credit card, and he claimed that CSFollow is a search engine that he uses and the charges were legit. There is no point in asking him directly if it's porn, he will just get angry or lie, so I have to sleuth this out. I would appreciate if anyone can shed any light on these sites.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-06-2016, 07:22 PM
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Re: Porn sites

I was once on a business trip and went to a strip club. My associate had no problems using his business expense account credit card to pay for his services provided. Here is how it worked... Well known strip club in vegas. Credit card statement reads: "Nevada Golf and Tour" for which the transaction was actually used to purchase our cover charges plus $250 in cash.

I will tell you this much... CSFollow.com is registered by a company that protects the actual name and information of the company that actually operates the site/domain - Registrant Organization: WHOIS PRIVACY PROTECTION SERVICE, INC. So these companies make great efforts to be so discrete with their billing that it will not be possible to determine what was purchased. It would be like seeing a charge for Walmart.com and then you somehow get Walmart to actually tell you what item was purchased only to find out to was a preloaded Amex gift card.

If you want to find out what he is doing, tell him you are leaving there house for the day. Pull the car around the neighborhood and then discretely walk back into your house in about twenty minutes. Surprise him by saying the car was acting weird and you need him to check it to make sure it is OK to drive!

Cheers,
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-07-2016, 09:49 AM
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Re: Porn sites

If you know he's disrespecting the relationship with porn and inappropriate purchases....why sleuth?

I understand it's validation. Ok.

So...now what do you do? It doesn't seem like he care much?
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-08-2016, 05:11 AM
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Re: Porn sites

Why does he think he needs porn? And why when there is so much free porn available does he have to pay for porn?

You could ask him how good the search engine is? And if you could try it out?
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 09:26 PM
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Re: Porn sites

I don't know about those sites but don't ignore this. There is such a thing as porn addicting and that leads to other things. I know because I lived it. If he is using sites to hide what he is really doing you need to look deeper. I hope I am wrong for your sake but when I did I found a whole other life and had to deal with it. My husband is now in SA and I am in a group for the spouses. I would tell you that if talking gets you no where get a professional to evaluate the situation. Our counselor asked him about his porn habit and based on those answers labeled him addicted. Something he didn't like hearing and i had been saying forever but hearing it from a professional bothered him because he actually listened. Good luck to you.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-25-2016, 11:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Porn sites

Update on this situation: this weekend he accidentally left his computer on and logged in, before leaving the house. I looked at his skype account which did not require any passwords and saw that he's been visiting an adult chat room and sending erotic and love poetry to a particular model. Obviously this hurts and I have to talk to him, at which point he will accuse me of invading his privacy. I'm trying to sort out my feelings in order to be able to articulate them clearly. I don't think it will make any difference, and that I have to tolerate this or leave.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-25-2016, 01:08 PM
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Re: Porn sites

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Originally Posted by I will survive View Post
Update on this situation: this weekend he accidentally left his computer on and logged in, before leaving the house. I looked at his skype account which did not require any passwords and saw that he's been visiting an adult chat room and sending erotic and love poetry to a particular model. Obviously this hurts and I have to talk to him, at which point he will accuse me of invading his privacy. I'm trying to sort out my feelings in order to be able to articulate them clearly. I don't think it will make any difference, and that I have to tolerate this or leave.
He is investing his time, desire and money into another woman. It may be on line, but that doesn't make it any less painful.

Let him bluster all he wants about privacy, that's for the bathroom. What he is trying to do is keep secrets. There should be no secrets between a husband and wife. Except maybe temporary ones in order to provide a pleasant surprise.

I suggest you tell him in no uncertain terms you consider this cheating, and you won't put up with it. He needs to stop, and he needs to be completely open with you about all accounts and passwords as you need to monitor to be sure he has stopped. If he doesn't like it, show him the door.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-25-2016, 03:56 PM
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Re: Porn sites

This went from viewing to writing poems to somebody. This is an addiction that stems deep within most men. The longer you wait, the deeper it goes. To show him just how addicting this is, nip it in the bud...no more porn, no more lies, no more.
If he cannot stop, then this will let him know that he is being controlled which is an addiction.
Porn is very addicting, its everywhere. But what is terrible about Porn, is its in our homes now. Before you had to go somewhere or have it mailed to your home. Now, its just a click away to anything you want. A huge buffet of sexual fantasies going into the deepest part of the human brain. This is extremely hard to turn off or stop doing.
Porn landed in my lap when I was very young, around the age of 9. I found my moms mags in the basement. My dad had porn. My friends had it. Most males had huge collections of mags and vids growing up. It was a badge of honor, a Right to view it. If you didn't have porn, you were considered strange. Now, its on the Net, its easy to get caught up and become addicted.
Just like any addiction, he is going to need help. Shame wont do it. He is not hearing you.
I don't know if your a Christian, but I can give you reference for a book that many have used to help themselves escape Sexual Addiction. I hope the link works. Know that you are not alone.
https://store.newlife.com/p-4-every-mans-battle.aspx
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-25-2016, 04:22 PM
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Re: Porn sites

Writing poems?


Here's a poem for you:-

"Rose are red, violets are blue,
Your husband's an idiot,
he doesn't deserve you!"

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-25-2016, 05:54 PM
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Re: Porn sites

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
Writing poems?


Here's a poem for you:-

"Rose are red, violets are blue,
Your husband's an idiot,
he doesn't deserve you!"
Ha ha, here's another one:

Roses are red, violets smell like honey
The wh0res online think he's a loser
They just want his money
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-25-2016, 06:00 PM
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Re: Porn sites

I'd be livid to find my H professing love or attraction to another woman.

I'd be ashamed of myself for marrying an idiot if he actually paid for porn, didn't have the sense to avoid malware and compromised our credit card, and thinks some internet sex model actually likes him.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-25-2016, 06:02 PM
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Re: Porn sites

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Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post
I'd be livid to find my H professing love or attraction to another woman.

I'd be ashamed of myself for marrying an idiot if he actually paid for porn, didn't have the sense to avoid malware and compromised our credit card, and thinks some internet sex model actually likes him.
Right? I like the way you think.

Nobody who looks for money online likes him.....they think he's a freaking pathetic loser.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-25-2016, 06:03 PM
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Re: Porn sites

Good evening
While I don't object to porn as long as it doesn't interfere with a couple's relationship, this is not porn. He is interacting with a real woman (or perhaps a 60 year old man in Nigeria - it is a chat site after all.......) and spending lots of money.

Porn on the internet is essentially free for a vast variety. Slightly better stuff is available for a little money, but this is way too much.

Depending on your financial situation $500 may be a lot of money. He is also investing time and effort in another person.

Jerking off to porn if your partner isn't available doesn't bother me, but this does. Does he understand that he is being played? That the person on the other end of the chat not only doesn't care, but may not even be female???

I'm remembering the ashl....Mad.... fiasco. Not only were guys spending real money to try to contact women for cheating - but there were essentially no women on the site in the first place.

Last edited by richardsharpe; 01-25-2016 at 06:04 PM. Reason: word got blanked out
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-25-2016, 07:45 PM
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Re: Porn sites

Your husband is paying for private shows or private "talk" with the "model." The charges are legit and you really have no way to avoid paying them. Those websites will drain his/your money very fast. You can watch the KNOWN credit cards, but husband can get a pre-paid credit card or new credit card to continue his habit. There is plenty of free porn out there. The fact he is paying, alot, means his addiction is at a whole new level. $500. Good golly.

Monitor your bank accounts and look for cash withdrawals that he is diverting to pre-paid card. Look at your financial and investment statements to make sure he is not draining them in secret. Just like an addicted gambler, he can drain your finances quickly before you know it. Eventually he will numb to the stimulus and thus will need to spend more and more to get the same sexual high.

Get free copies of your credit reports. PM me if you do not know how to do that. I have my credit cards set up with alerts so that within 5 seconds (if not sooner) of the card being used, I get a txt to my phone. You can set an alert to notify you when the card is used for online purchase.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-26-2016, 06:33 AM
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Re: Porn sites

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Right? I like the way you think.

Nobody who looks for money online likes him.....they think he's a freaking pathetic loser.
When DH and I first started out we were renting a small house in a so-so neighborhood. Our next door neighbor was a single mother who did phone and webcam work to support herself and her kids.

When we were in our townhouse, we had a neighbor that was a stripper.

Two of my dad's "bar buddies" were sisters who started up a maid service and were prostitutes on the side to make ends meet until the business grew enough enough to support them and still pay their employees and supplies costs.

After many conversations with those women, I learned that most of them can act equal to or better than anyone who ever graced stage and screen.

At best, these women feel pity for the guys who pay them for their attentions. At worst, they outright despise these "fools" and take pride in fleecing them whenever the chance arises.

Quote:
Originally Posted by richardsharpe View Post
Good evening
While I don't object to porn as long as it doesn't interfere with a couple's relationship, this is not porn. He is interacting with a real woman (or perhaps a 60 year old man in Nigeria - it is a chat site after all.......) and spending lots of money.

Porn on the internet is essentially free for a vast variety. Slightly better stuff is available for a little money, but this is way too much.

Depending on your financial situation $500 may be a lot of money. He is also investing time and effort in another person.
Actually, it really depends.

Some services are mostly chat. Those services will use pictures and bios of real women, who they have paid a use fee to, but those aren't necessarily who a customer is chatting with.

Some services are interactive chat and video. Basically, the webcam girl does what her client asks her to do while the client watches. Those services are usually staffed by current or former porn actresses looking to make money, build a fan base, and hoping they'll become the next big thing.

If a person just wants to watch some porn, you're right. There's tons of free porn out there. What this man wants is to interact with women. For me, that changes everything. As far as I am concerned, the interaction crosses the line into infidelity territory.

And the money thing. That is a BIG DEAL for me.

First, the money is marital property. He's not just spending HIS money. He's spending his WIFES money, too.

Second, he allowed sensitive information to be compromised and could have dealt quite a blow to their financial security.

Third, I watched a friend of DH waste a chunk of his inheritance on a stripper because she was particularly good at her job and he thought she really liked him. We're talking over 10k in less than 6 months. This kind of foolishness or addiction or desperation, whatever it is, isn't something to be taken lightly. It can have long term consequences for the entire family if the spending isn't halted by someone with a clear head.
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