Is there hope from the damage of porn? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-14-2016, 03:28 PM Thread Starter
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Well I went to see the solicitor today who reassured me that she can't kick me out, run away with the kids, verbally abuse me or treat me unfairly. Cool.
She approached me tonight and we spoke about the situation and she wants a divorce and I will be getting a letter from her lawyer. She said that we couldn't continue like this and that if she stayed with me it would be out of guilt and feeling sorry for me! As soon as I accepted what she was saying, she changed and became pleasant and friendly. She's not happy that I won't be moving out for a while but I agreed to keep paying my share of the mortgage for the kids sake and to have a stake in the house. She told me that she is done with men and won't ever have another relationship. I don't believe her. Strange dynamics going on now and I can't actually believe it could now be over. She said that who knows how we would feel about each other in years to come. What should I do here?
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post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-14-2016, 03:50 PM
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Re: Is there hope from the damage of porn?

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Well I went to see the solicitor today who reassured me that she can't kick me out, run away with the kids, verbally abuse me or treat me unfairly. Cool.
She approached me tonight and we spoke about the situation and she wants a divorce and I will be getting a letter from her lawyer. She said that we couldn't continue like this and that if she stayed with me it would be out of guilt and feeling sorry for me! As soon as I accepted what she was saying, she changed and became pleasant and friendly. She's not happy that I won't be moving out for a while but I agreed to keep paying my share of the mortgage for the kids sake and to have a stake in the house. She told me that she is done with men and won't ever have another relationship. I don't believe her. Strange dynamics going on now and I can't actually believe it could now be over. She said that who knows how we would feel about each other in years to come. What should I do here?
First statement is utter BS. IF you leave and you divorce, she'll have another man within the year. She has her skeletons in the closet, I suspect, as well. One is that she's crazy as hell.

What should you do? GO to work, get another job, dress better, work out, stay the hell off porn, detach, see if this marriage is what you really want. If it is, work for it.

One thing: if you push her and ask for reassurance and talk to her constantly--- I guarantee you she will move out and be gone.

DO NOT KEEP INTERACTING WITH HER! Work on yourself. If she wants you, make her come to you. But if she does, give her the best you that you can.

It's a self-improvement and waiting game, now.

She does sound pretty crazy to me. Cocaine and other dudes? Crazy.
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post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 09:14 AM
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Re: Is there hope from the damage of porn?

yes, it was only a few months ago she was flirting with a family friend and sending out bikini shots to random men. she's not 'done with men' by a long shot.

buddy, everybody is right here. you need to work on yourself and seek a new life for her sake and yours. good luck and i mean that.
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post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-12-2016, 08:48 PM
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Re: Is there hope from the damage of porn?

I am dealing with this issue as well. You are not alone in this
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post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-13-2016, 02:21 AM
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Re: Is there hope from the damage of porn?

Why is it that the porn was more important then your wife??


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post #21 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-13-2016, 03:40 AM
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Re: Is there hope from the damage of porn?

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You should read his other threads where he admits to going from the honeymoon to porn and neglecting his wife.
There is indeed more to the story.

Aye, but is there really any relationship recovery space from "feel dead about you" land?

I can't see it being any good in the long term - a lot of work, and lot of water under the bridge, but really don't see any gain for it.

Sadly "too much porn" in a relationship that apparently was particularly charged on both side to begin, isn't a path to making love grow - so unless they both have a determination for political office or "to unite the assets/future of both families" type of arrangement it sounds like it's pretty much "cold coals".

Sad to say it, but somethings just can't be undone, a word can't be unsaid, or a bullet unfired. Sometimes doing something like obsessive porn destroys things - that is why it is bad, not because "some stuck up people don't like it" but because some people get addicted and like any addiction it can wreck people's lives. Human brains are just like that, there is no magic make everything better movie ending, no restore from save point; as many of on TAM have found we just have to put our lives make together and move on - because that's what live is, moving on; hopefully not to repeat the mistakes of the past.
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post #22 of 22 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 05:28 PM
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Re: Is there hope from the damage of porn?

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I have been posting a line of events on othe r threads and feeling that many people do not fully get the damage that porn can do. My wife has had her faults too in our marriage but I couldn't quite give the marriage more than 50% of myself. My wife asked me yesterday what exactly I was looking at. I told her the free site I was using and that it was all I looked at. She feels that there has been too much damage in the marriage and all she can think about is me moving out and buying my share of the house. I tell her how I am feeling and what I am doing to get help. She knows how remorsful I am and can see how much better I am with the kids I wonder just how the parents can be so ignorant of how they are damaging their kids in a troubled marriage?
but its an emotional rollercoaster and she can struggles to be around me in the house. She has gone to her mothers this weekend with the kids as she wanted some space from me. I am sure that will do the kids some good as well!
I said good because the atmosphere was unbearable. I'd guess mostly for the defenseless kids
She seemed surprised that I was ok with that although she knows that I will miss the kids. She is hurting so badly and is so angry with me. Understandably too. Imagine how the innocent kids must feel about the war between their parents!
I want to know what I can do right now that would be positive to the marriage. I'd start with either therapy for you and/or marriage counseling.
I cannot change her feelings about me but feel I need to do something. You need to do something to STOP DAMAGING your kids most of all.
I want reassurances from her that we can get through this as I am scared of loosing everything. The guilt and realisation of what I have done is almost too much to take. Imagine, if you can, how your kids must feel!
The doctor even asked me if I had any thoughts of killing myself! My wife has not spoken to any professional yet. She just feels that she wasn't enough for me which isn't true. What steps should I take right now? Go for help - anywhere you can find it. I'd start with a therapist or counselor FOR YOU. I just want to do what is right for us all. Focus on the needs of your kids and that alone will show you what has to be done - ASAP!

choose happiness
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