Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2016, 09:49 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

Me and my husband have been together for 10 years . Last year we separated for a year, he had an affair. I also found out that he had cheated on me numerous times before then. We are now back together, and things have been going pretty well. But in the past month or so, he has been preoccupied . I went through his phone and found out that he has been buying/doing/ and selling drugs. I confronted him about this and he blew up at me telling me that it had nothing to do with me. His friends are always calling and texting his phone for drugs , it happens all the time. About 75% of his calls and texts are drug related. I can't stand it. It takes away from our time, we have two kids, it takes away from their time. I can't stand to be around him when he is high and doing drugs. He does stuff behind my back alll the time. I already have trust issues with him, from lying and cheating ,I'm trying my hardest to regain trust back, but he is not helping, only making it worse and harder for me to trust him.
His using is not an everyday thing, yes he smokes pot everyday, but that does not bother me as much as him taking adderall, doing exstacy, coke and I don't even know what else he has or is doing that I don't know about.
I have asked him to stop dealing drugs. I know once he stops selling them and doesnt have it anymore he will be less likely to use. Help me. How do I get him to stop? I have asked him numerous times and he just says " okay, I'll slow down with it" I don't want slow, I want it to stop.
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2016, 12:05 PM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

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Originally Posted by jmarie2513 View Post
Me and my husband have been together for 10 years . Last year we separated for a year, he had an affair. I also found out that he had cheated on me numerous times before then. We are now back together, and things have been going pretty well. But in the past month or so, he has been preoccupied . I went through his phone and found out that he has been buying/doing/ and selling drugs. I confronted him about this and he blew up at me telling me that it had nothing to do with me. His friends are always calling and texting his phone for drugs , it happens all the time. About 75% of his calls and texts are drug related. I can't stand it. It takes away from our time, we have two kids, it takes away from their time. I can't stand to be around him when he is high and doing drugs. He does stuff behind my back alll the time. I already have trust issues with him, from lying and cheating ,I'm trying my hardest to regain trust back, but he is not helping, only making it worse and harder for me to trust him.
His using is not an everyday thing, yes he smokes pot everyday, but that does not bother me as much as him taking adderall, doing exstacy, coke and I don't even know what else he has or is doing that I don't know about.
I have asked him to stop dealing drugs. I know once he stops selling them and doesnt have it anymore he will be less likely to use. Help me. How do I get him to stop? I have asked him numerous times and he just says " okay, I'll slow down with it" I don't want slow, I want it to stop.
You have lots of choices here, but none you will like:
1.) Leave him, let him know once he is sober and no longer dealing drugs you may give him another chance. File for divorce.
2.) Gather evidence and turn it over to the police. Have him put in jail for felony drug dealing them get a divorce and move on with your life.
3.) Nag and complain and threaten him and hopes someday he comes to his senses and stops.

I'm guessing 3 is where you are at right now. The main thing you need to realize is there is nothing you can do to make him stop. It's his choice. If the thought of losing you isn't enough to make him want to stop his drug habit, then you are at his mercy. Your choice is stay and or leave.

He also cheated once. Dealing drugs it would be very easy for that to happen again. I suggest you don't stand for it. Personally I'd have his ass tossed in jail. But it's your call. Drug income can't be garnished for alimony, and he is living a dangerous lifestyle. Too bad our penal system isn't more correctional in nature. It would probably just lead to him getting better at his craft. So, leaving him is probably best.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2016, 12:15 PM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

Make sure that he does not use your car, or you his. If drugs are found in the car with you driving, YOU will be the one that goes to jail. Check the truck, glove compartment, center console etc
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2016, 12:25 PM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

Sorry, now that you know you either need to accept it or move on. This is who he is. But you really need to look at your risks, if he is dealing and holding at your home, you may be criminally charged since you know and look away.

I'm sure he has redeeming characteristics, but I'm not sure any could possibly outweigh drug use, cheating and dealing. Learn to love yourself enough to walk away and get the love and respect you deserve.

PS, if you have kids in this environment, you could end up losing them.

ETA; get to Narconon for families, you'll need the support.

Consilio et animis
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-06-2016, 02:52 PM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

Please is you love your hubby, do not expose these kind of things with any one especially online. Not that I care weather you get his in trouble or not. Also does he pay the bills? Then if so just be a good wife and support your husband for crying out loud. Trust me, I would rather marry a pot dealer/user than some one who suffers form depression love. LOL
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-06-2016, 05:25 PM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

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Originally Posted by homedepot View Post
Please is you love your hubby, do not expose these kind of things with any one especially online. Not that I care weather you get his in trouble or not. Also does he pay the bills? Then if so just be a good wife and support your husband for crying out loud. Trust me, I would rather marry a pot dealer/user than some one who suffers form depression love. LOL
Yep, then she can support him in jail. Or the two of them can write love notes to each from jail, when he is caught with the stuff in the house.

I have no pity for crap like this. You want to know how to help him stop. Call the cops. A few months/years should put a stop on that activity.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-06-2016, 05:29 PM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

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Originally Posted by homedepot View Post
Please is you love your hubby, do not expose these kind of things with any one especially online. Not that I care weather you get his in trouble or not. Also does he pay the bills? Then if so just be a good wife and support your husband for crying out loud. Trust me, I would rather marry a pot dealer/user than some one who suffers form depression love. LOL
I don't know how it's handled where you live, but in most locations a parent buying, using, and selling drugs usually ends up getting busted and then losing custody of their kids. Not to mention, having all assets seized.

So, yeah, allowing your husband to buy and sell drugs is a great idea. Especially if you're sick of being a parent and having a home, car, and bank account.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-06-2016, 05:48 PM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

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I don't know how it's handled where you live, but in most locations a parent buying, using, and selling drugs usually ends up getting busted and then losing custody of their kids. Not to mention, having all assets seized.
^^^^^^This is true pretty much everywhere.

I would agree that talking about it with anyone -especially online...is a bad idea. That being said. You have to make a choice. You either accept the INSANE amount of risk he is putting your family in...or you move on. Easy to say...harder to do, I know...But you still need to make your choice.

Drugs, IMO, in and of themselves are not a bad thing. However, what people do with them...creates bad things. They have ripped huge holes into my family that will probably never heal. Protect yourself and your babies.

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-08-2016, 09:55 AM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

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Yep, then she can support him in jail. Or the two of them can write love notes to each from jail, when he is caught with the stuff in the house.

I have no pity for crap like this. You want to know how to help him stop. Call the cops. A few months/years should put a stop on that activity.
I would hate to be related to you.

It's not a matter of where I am from. She is in the wrong place for answers. Its one thing to talk about sex, some one beating you to a pulp or depression but we are talking about a crime. Do you know you she can be locked up and kids taken away awell? Your hubby isn't Walter White dealing meth and killing people. Go call cops mom and watch them interrogate you like a crook and try to take kids away. I know what I am saying. Call your mom or talk to him or just leave.

Good Luck......
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-10-2016, 09:46 PM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

I join the others in this thread who have warned you of the danger you and your children are in. You can go to jail. You can lose your possessions. You can lose custody of your children. You and/or your children can become victims of violence. This is nothing to toy around with. One way or another, you need to get yourself out of this situation immediately and don't look back. Once you are in a safe situation, discuss with a lawyer and with trusted family members the long-term custody/visitation issues you will inevitably face. You should not allow him near your children unless required by a court of law or unless he reforms his behavior (in most cases this will likely be years if ever).
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-26-2016, 04:31 PM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

DON'T SNITCH!

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Originally Posted by always_hopefull View Post
ETA; get to Narconon for families, you'll need the support.
I don't really know what good Scientology is going to do here....

DON'T SNITCH! Anyone who tells you to do so doesn't know their ass from their elbow! The cops will investigate, and you've already allowed it to go on, using your home, phones, vehicles, whatever... depending on who they catch, whether or not convicted, jailed or imprisoned, you will become a target, and everyone around you will be "collateral damage". If you're afraid, just leave. Just to be sure, no matter what ANYBODY tells you, there is no such thing as an "anonymous tip" or informant. DON'T put your, or your children's lives in any danger. Don't do this to what family you have, knowing that in the future, after the worst has happened, that YOU were the fuse for the dynamite that blew everything up.

DON'T SNITCH!!! Just go away.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-27-2016, 02:38 AM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

[QUOTE=HuggyBear;15540929

DON'T SNITCH!!! Just go away.[/QUOTE]


They have 2 kids, she can't just go away. He will get at least visitation, if not joint custody.

It's bad advice like this that keeps people in fear and stuck in abusive situations. It's not her telling that would blow up the family. It's his illegal and dangerous activity.

If anyone says dealing illegal drugs from your home isn't dangerous, you don't know what you are talking about.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-27-2016, 03:16 AM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

Quote:
Me and my husband have been together for 10 years . Last year we separated for a year, he had an affair. I also found out that he had cheated on me numerous times before then.
And you are back with him? Have you gone to marriage counseling?
Quote:
We are now back together, and things have been going pretty well.
Please define “going well,” because based on the rest of your post I don’t see “well” anywhere.
Quote:
It takes away from our time, we have two kids, it takes away from their time. I can't stand to be around him when he is high and doing drugs.
It will take away a lot more time once he is arrested and put in prison-unless he becomes another statistic in cartel violence.
Quote:
He does stuff behind my back alll the time. I already have trust issues with him, from lying and cheating ,I'm trying my hardest to regain trust back, but he is not helping, only making it worse and harder for me to trust him.
Wait, ?!?! You are trying to regain his trust? He is the one that has violated trust 9 ways to Sunday!!! You haven’t done anything to violate trust!!! (No, reading his cellphone is not violating privacy-in marriage there is no privacy except closing the bathroom door to do your business!)
Quote:
His using is not an everyday thing, yes he smokes pot everyday, but that does not bother me as much as him taking adderall, doing exstacy, coke and I don't even know what else he has or is doing that I don't know about.
As it should. He could be using intravenously and putting the health and lives of you and your children at risk; even more than being a dealer in the first place.
Quote:
I have asked him to stop dealing drugs. I know once he stops selling them and doesnt have it anymore he will be less likely to use.
Not true; once hooked he will continue to use regardless.
Quote:
Help me. How do I get him to stop? I have asked him numerous times and he just says " okay, I'll slow down with it" I don't want slow, I want it to stop.
You don’t, he has to want to stop before actually doing so.

My advice is clean out the bank account, grab the kids and get out. Move in with your mom, a friend, somewhere-anywhere that isn’t there with him. A secured access building would be ideal and then he cannot enter without permission. Even better would be to throw him out but I do not think that is an option for you yet. File for divorce and apply for sole managing conservatorship (sole custody). Limit his visits to supervised visitation. Get out of that mess before tragedy strikes. And, much as I hate to say this, be prepared to turn him in and be state’s witness. You may have to do that to protect your kids and him.

I am not trying to be mean but it sounds like a little tough love is needed. What attracted you to him, made you want to marry him and raise his children may not even be there anymore. You are in The Fog. You may be in love with a specter, the idea of who he was. The man you loved is not there anymore, just some junkie who is putting you and your children in danger. Danger of being caught in a raid, danger of being caught in a drive-by or crossfire, in danger of your kids accidentally ingesting drugs, second hand exposure to drugs, or, if he starts cooking, being killed in an explosion. Think about it.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-27-2016, 03:20 AM
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Thumbs down Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

Quote:
Originally Posted by homedepot View Post
Please is you love your hubby, do not expose these kind of things with any one especially online. Not that I care weather you get his in trouble or not. Also does he pay the bills? Then if so just be a good wife and support your husband for crying out loud. Trust me, I would rather marry a pot dealer/user than some one who suffers form depression love. LOL


That is worse than the worst advice I have ever seen anyone give. Support him and love him all the way to the time the bullets fly? Wow. Trust you? WHY?!?!?!
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2016, 10:38 AM
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Re: Help. My husband is dealing and using drugs

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Me and my husband have been together for 10 years . Last year we separated for a year, he had an affair. I also found out that he had cheated on me numerous times before then. We are now back together, and things have been going pretty well. But in the past month or so, he has been preoccupied . I went through his phone and found out that he has been buying/doing/ and selling drugs. I confronted him about this and he blew up at me telling me that it had nothing to do with me. His friends are always calling and texting his phone for drugs , it happens all the time. About 75% of his calls and texts are drug related. I can't stand it. It takes away from our time, we have two kids, it takes away from their time. I can't stand to be around him when he is high and doing drugs. He does stuff behind my back alll the time. I already have trust issues with him, from lying and cheating ,I'm trying my hardest to regain trust back, but he is not helping, only making it worse and harder for me to trust him.
His using is not an everyday thing, yes he smokes pot everyday, but that does not bother me as much as him taking adderall, doing exstacy, coke and I don't even know what else he has or is doing that I don't know about.
I have asked him to stop dealing drugs. I know once he stops selling them and doesnt have it anymore he will be less likely to use. Help me. How do I get him to stop? I have asked him numerous times and he just says " okay, I'll slow down with it" I don't want slow, I want it to stop.
Dear, I can understand your situation. I can understand how bad you feeling. Why don't you take him to a counseling center? We reside in Toronto. My brother was addicted to drugs and alcohol. His life was ruined by this . HIs wife divorced him. We couldn't see him like that. We managed to take him to Dr. Eliana Cohen counseling center ( Services | Dr. Eliana Cohen & Associates ) which was near to our place. Last week we took him there, he is getting better. Trust God. He can do wonders. God expect us to make a step from our side too. Let this decision be a step in that way. Hoping to listen to good news soon. You take care.
God bless.
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