Me and my husband have been together for 10 years . Last year we separated for a year, he had an affair. I also found out that he had cheated on me numerous times before then.
And you are back with him? Have you gone to marriage counseling?
We are now back together, and things have been going pretty well.
Please define “going well,” because based on the rest of your post I don’t see “well” anywhere.
It takes away from our time, we have two kids, it takes away from their time. I can't stand to be around him when he is high and doing drugs.
It will take away a lot more time once he is arrested and put in prison-unless he becomes another statistic in cartel violence.
He does stuff behind my back alll the time. I already have trust issues with him, from lying and cheating ,I'm trying my hardest to regain trust back, but he is not helping, only making it worse and harder for me to trust him.
are trying to regain his
trust? He is the one that has violated trust 9 ways to Sunday!!! You haven’t done anything to violate trust!!! (No, reading his cellphone is not violating privacy-in marriage there is no privacy except closing the bathroom door to do your business!)
His using is not an everyday thing, yes he smokes pot everyday, but that does not bother me as much as him taking adderall, doing exstacy, coke and I don't even know what else he has or is doing that I don't know about.
As it should. He could be using intravenously and putting the health and lives of you and your children at risk; even more than being a dealer in the first place.
I have asked him to stop dealing drugs. I know once he stops selling them and doesnt have it anymore he will be less likely to use.
Not true; once hooked he will continue to use regardless.
Help me. How do I get him to stop? I have asked him numerous times and he just says " okay, I'll slow down with it" I don't want slow, I want it to stop.
You don’t, he has to want to stop before actually doing so.
My advice is clean out the bank account, grab the kids and get out. Move in with your mom, a friend, somewhere-anywhere that isn’t there with him. A secured access building would be ideal and then he cannot enter without permission. Even better would be to throw him out but I do not think that is an option for you yet. File for divorce and apply for sole managing conservatorship (sole custody). Limit his visits to supervised visitation. Get out of that mess before tragedy strikes. And, much as I hate to say this, be prepared to turn him in and be state’s witness. You may have to do that to protect your kids and him.
I am not trying to be mean but it sounds like a little tough love is needed. What attracted you to him, made you want to marry him and raise his children may not even be there anymore. You are in The Fog. You may be in love with a specter, the idea of who he was. The man you loved is not there anymore, just some junkie who is putting you and your children in danger. Danger of being caught in a raid, danger of being caught in a drive-by or crossfire, in danger of your kids accidentally ingesting drugs, second hand exposure to drugs, or, if he starts cooking, being killed in an explosion. Think about it.