I'm scared the sex will stop - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 12:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm scared the sex will stop

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Originally Posted by TAMAT View Post
Lizard,

You wrote, In the beginning I wasn't always faithful. I have had a couple of one night stands and 2 affairs. All of which he has no idea of.

I'm not so sure he didn't know, it is rare that the cheated on spouse does not sense something, they are often crushed and paralyzed yet say nothing. They go on for years that way not trusting and broken, it can pop up as alcoholism, workaholism, low self-esteem, etc.

I think you should do the right thing and confess, I suspect you H already knows.

Are your affairs and ONS still in your life in any way?

Tamat
Had he found out we wouldn't be together. And no the affairs are not in our luves, he doesn't even know them.

I've lost myself
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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 12:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm scared the sex will stop

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So you can have affairs and he can't? Hmmm.
It's not that he can't it's that I'm finding **** out. He never had any idea if what I did.

I've lost myself
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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 06:48 AM
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Re: I'm scared the sex will stop

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I hope I dont get banned for this or hurt someones feelings,but this is C.R.A.P my friend.

What studies did you read,that tell "all husbands" want to watch their wife with other men ????????????????

I am still young guy,but I never met a sole with that thinking.
Vinney is promoting his lifestyle and inappropriately on most threads.

He fits in this one and his studies are bvllshyt.

Been with my wife over 24 years and have never once even wanted her to flirt with another man.
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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 10:03 AM
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Re: I'm scared the sex will stop

Once the boundaries have been crossed, it's difficult to not cross them over and over.

You've allowed each other to have other partners/3somes/etc. He is acting out to feed his dopamine rush! You aren't going to give him enough sex to fuel his addiction.

He is escalating.

Addicts lie. All addicts.

Only you can find your way....don't wait on him.
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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 11:11 AM
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Re: I'm scared the sex will stop

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It's not that he can't it's that I'm finding **** out. He never had any idea if what I did.

I've lost myself
Of course you've lost yourself. You hide things from him, he hides things from you. It's not okay if neither knows. It's okay if you both know and accept it.

I couldn't accept your lifestyle. If you enjoy that sort of things, that's for you to decide. But no matter what your lifestyle is, you need to be honest. Honest with yourself, and honest with him. That honesty puts you at risk for rejection. In exchange, you should expect that same honesty from your partner.

If you can't be honest with him, and he can't be honest with you. There is no hope for a meaningful relationship. If you want to hang around with him for the great sex, you can. But then you must accept that he is going to run around and lie to you about it. Just stop snooping, if you don't know it doesn't matter, right?
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post #21 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 01:27 PM
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Re: I'm scared the sex will stop

Lizard,

The reason I suggested you confess to your H is to make you right with yourself, it's putting you on a footing to end all this cheating in your relationship, it's to establish your integrity.

You mention that had you confessed to your H you would not be together, if that is true then your entire marriage has been in a sense stolen since your H has never had the truth about the relationship.

Your H has the right to forgive your cheating or divorce you, but it is his choice.

Tamat
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post #22 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 04:50 PM
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Re: I'm scared the sex will stop

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Originally Posted by Be smart View Post
I hope I dont get banned for this or hurt someones feelings,but this is C.R.A.P my friend.

What studies did you read,that tell "all husbands" want to watch their wife with other men ????????????????

I am still young guy,but I never met a sole with that thinking.
He actually didn't say all husbands. A great number of them but still just a small fraction of the population.

Watching porn about it and watching your wife do it are in different universes.
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post #23 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 04:54 PM
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Re: I'm scared the sex will stop

So let me ask you a question my Lady,do you stay with your husband because you love him or because you have a good sex life ? Also you bring a lot of people in your marriage,which is really bad. This was going on for years and years.

I am always for the truth,no matter what and if you decide to tell him about your Affairs I think it is not going to change a lot. Why ? Well you are already down into this sharing thing.
Maybe after hearing all of this your husband is going to chase other women and have some revenge on you or something like that,but like I said you already done it.

Your biggest problem is that you dont respect yourself enough and your marriage. You said you are doing this for him the love of your life. It is not true and you know it. You just need to be honest with yourself.

Set him down and talk about your future. Think forward 5-10 years and where you see each other. Is it together or with some other guy in your house ?
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post #24 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 05:04 PM
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Re: I'm scared the sex will stop

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Been with my wife over 24 years and have never once even wanted her to flirt with another man.
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I am the same. Someone will tell me I am old fashioned or something like that,but it is the way I learned from my parents and grandparents.

Maybe it is not a lot from me saying this,but your family is happy to have someone like that,especially your kids because they have a good figure to learn about life.

Best wishes to you and your family my friend.
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