He choose alcohol over me - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-19-2011, 01:39 AM Thread Starter
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He choose alcohol over me

It's been a while since my last post about my H's alcohol problem. Things got really bad about 5 months ago and police was involved etc. Then I decided to go thru with separation but he came crowling back saying he wants to try his best and going to AA meetings which he did for 3 sessions only. Then he decided to stop going saying that he is not that bad and he realise that he doesnt want to be like that so he stop drinking for almost 4 months, everything was perfect, he was such a wonderful person without alcohol, I thought we were so happy together. Then slowly he allowed himself to go there again, having light beers only, just one then two then more. Then he went to the snow with his mates who I know loves drinking and taking drugs and stuff, so there everything is coming back. He kept extending his stays as he enjoys being with them drinking and I am not there to watch him or for him to feel guilty about coz I cant see. But I know what he is doing. We kept arguing everytime we spoke. Things just never been the same after that, he is back to his alcoholic problem and he ran away everytime we argue and dont come home. He would try his best to say the most nastiest meant things and hurt my feelings so bad and left me alone. Today is 10days that he hasnt been home. I told him I dont want to be with him if he choose to keep drinking. Then he said to clean up the study room for him to sleep there and I did. But ever since he never use the room and gave excuses that I left stuff in there etc, just to make my life difficult. I am so sad and disappointed that he would choose alcohol over me, I did everything to help him, look after him like a king and still I am not good enough for him as he still need to drinks. He kept saying he is not an alcoholic but he spent all his money again, using the home loan to pay his debts and now his creditcard is maxed out, running out of money and expect me to pay for the house renovation as he has no money. Not once he realise that he spent his money in alcohol and cigarettes and going out with his mates. I am so broken hearted and feel so sad but I dont want to live this way even though i love him so much. maybe there is no cure with alcoholic? Or he will be happier with someone else who is better than me?
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-19-2011, 07:33 AM
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Re: He choose alcohol over me

My suggestion to you right now is to take care of you. You can't change him or fix him. You can't make him stop drinking no matter how much you want to. Find local Alanon meetings in your area and attend those. They will be very helpful and beneficial to you. You will find support there.

Sometimes it takes a person to hit rock bottom and/or losing the person they love to wake up, and even that is not a guarantee. You can't live your life in hopes that the other person will change and stop drinking. Well, you could, but what kind of life would that be for you? Take care of yourself, and if that means leaving him and letting him hit rock bottom then it just does.

"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-19-2011, 09:57 PM
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Re: He choose alcohol over me

Sillybil, your husband's drinking doesn't have anything to do with you, even if he blames you for it. That is his way of denying his responsibility and it's what alcoholics do. You could be the best wife in the world, and he would still drink.

He has to stop because he wants to. Only he can admit he is an alcoholic, and he can't stop drinking to please you or save the marriage.

Sobriety is something an alcoholic wants more than anything else, and right now your husband doesn't want it. I'm am so sorry you are going through this pain and disappointment.

So many alcoholics have difficulty grasping the concept that they cannot control their drinking, and they will try many times to quit, only to pick up one drink at a later time and start the downward spiral into an alcoholic binge again.

trey's suggestion that you try an Al-Anon meeting is spot-on. The people there have lived through similar circumstances and they can give you the understanding and support you need.

Take care of yourself.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-20-2011, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He choose alcohol over me

Thank you Trey and Prodigal for your advise. It is just a very though time for me right now. All the pain I have and I just have to learn to be strong. You are right there is nothing I can do to fix him if he doesnt want to.

I just have to leave him.......... as I cant live this way any longer.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-29-2012, 10:44 AM
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Re: He choose alcohol over me

Sad to hear this but I think you should attend the Ala-non Meeting.They will help you a lot with their kind suggestions!
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-17-2012, 07:04 AM
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Re: He choose alcohol over me

oh man do takecare of urself rite now
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