First Came Porn, Then Came Video Games - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 08:43 PM Thread Starter
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First Came Porn, Then Came Video Games

Hi everyone,

I've been down a difficult road with my fiancee for years. He's a nice guy, but about two weeks ago I was done. I told him I was done - he wiggled one more shot out of me, and now I am done.

Currently he's watching people playing video games on youtube while playing a video game on his phone. It's only been about an hour from dinner - I've played with the kids, and I am just about to put them to bed. I have nothing left.

This goes on until two in the morning almost every night. Last night he didn't even kiss his 3 year old son goodnight. He lays there and doesn't listen to me talk, ignores me and the kids and seems like he just wants to waste his life away.

I've had 0 sexual connection with him for a long time. I still give it up once in awhile, because I know he needs it - but for the most part, I just don't care about sex.

He calls my daughter an idiot, a retard (he thinks jokingly) and I am just done with his disrespectful attitude towards me and the kids. He's like a baby I have to clean up after.

There's too much resentment, too much anger and too much hurt here. We've talked over and over and over about this same problem for about two years. He keeps getting angry about me always having "problems" when in reality he's realized about five times now (and vocalized to me) that it's just the SAME problem over and over.

He wasn't built for a family of a demanding nature. That is what we are. We are an emotional family that requires some quality time and love, and he's proven that he just isn't capable of that.

It has made it physically daunting for me to be able to show him love the way he needs it - sex.

So, it's unfortunate for our two kids, but I am done. Now the hard part starts because I have no job (he wanted me to stay home with the kids) he has all the money and I would have nowhere for me and the kids to go by leaving. Plus we just resigned our one year lease.

I needed to talk this out with myself and hopefully someone will be able to offer me some insight. I love his parents, this is breaking my heart. But I have told him about ten times and it has escalated to me almost leaving once about three weeks ago...he spends some time with us for a few days then back to ignoring us for video games.

He resents me for having a problem with his porn addiction, he quit smoking with me and then resents me for that as well, and resents me for needing so much time with him, so he can have all that important stuff back.

He said I was a good one and that he didn't want to lose me. Unfortunately, he failed to prove that.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 08:53 PM
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Re: First Came Porn, Then Came Video Games

He's a man-boy, and marriage (especially with kids) is no place for a man-boy.

I think you're making the right decision.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 08:58 PM
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Re: First Came Porn, Then Came Video Games

You don't have a partner, you have a teenager. And not even a responsible teenager willing to help around the house. If he won't grow up, which you've given him plenty of chances to do, you have to get away from him.

Talk to a lawyer to find out what your rights to support are, and how to get financial assistance and a place to live.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 09:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First Came Porn, Then Came Video Games

I know deep in my heart that I am making the right decision. A weight will be lifted once it's done - but I am not sure how to go about doing it. Do I wait for our lease to be up next year? Do I do it now and become homeless? Do I work on finding a job first? I don't even have my drivers license. We moved away to a smaller town, and I don't know too many people here.

Thank you for verifying my situation though. The last few months I have brought myself out of a cold depression, lost 25 lbs and have gotten a lot healthier. He has had depression for awhile (not diagnosed) and he knows how to fix it (eat healthy, lose the weight, etc.) but he just doesn't do it.

He only changes his underwear when he jerks off, showers when he needs to shave (once in a week MAYBE) and doesn't brush his teeth. I feel like I am heading into my prime, and when I see the permanent impression he's made in our couch, I don't know it's such a turn off.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 09:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First Came Porn, Then Came Video Games

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopeful Cynic View Post
You don't have a partner, you have a teenager. And not even a responsible teenager willing to help around the house. If he won't grow up, which you've given him plenty of chances to do, you have to get away from him.

Talk to a lawyer to find out what your rights to support are, and how to get financial assistance and a place to live.
I don't need to talk to a lawyer - we've already gone so far as to tell each other we knew this wasn't right or fair for either of us anymore and that he will provide assistance for the children, whether it be buying things they need and money etc.

I also told him he can see them whenever he wants. Because my daughter went through hell with her sperm donor.

****ty thing is - we've got a vacation to Vegas planned. That's what he decided to spend our entire Tax Return on. I could care less about a vacation when we have $0 in savings. I should be the one who needs a vacation, i'd just like a bit of stability.
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