Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Re: H in recovery
Your AH will make promises to your and himself, he will believe them but he will break them. An A cannot control his drinking anymore that you can control the weather. He will make deals with himself to cut back and he will for a while but in the space of a few months (maybe shorter) he will be back to where he was before. I have been on that ride over and over many times in the space of over 20 years. He needs to give it up altogether. My AH realises this now, He says it all starts with the first drink. They just have to not take the first drink, hour by hour, day by day.
Your AH is fighting tooth and nail, making deals with himself not do give up the drink completely that is what A's do, he may never hit the point where he will get sober, some need to lose everything to hit rock bottom. YOu have make a decision for yourself, will you be able to put up with this, will you survive a worsening of this alcoholism, without intervention it does not get better, it gets progressively worse.
My AH is still in recovery, no drinking as far as I know. We are both in IC and MC. I am in an online Al Anon group but I find IC better for me. I read a lot. The mC is also helping a lot though I do have days when I have triggers and think of all the emotional abuse I have gone through and wonder should I just leave. I am in a comfortable place but never fully relaxed, it is still fresh so I sometimes wait for things to change, for him to start again as I realise it might happen. He knows that is the deal breaker for me, I made that clear in the MC. So like him I take it one day at a time. Our marriage has improved, our communication has improved because the drinking is out of the equation. Our marriage has problems (like any marriage) but things are clearer and easier to work on without the alcohol. He cheated on me 17 years ago and I suspect about 5 years ago (though no proof of the second one, just a gut feeling). If I found evidence of the second one I would leave him in a heart beat and not look back. Alcohol is no excuse for cheating. I am working now, getting another degree and trying to build up my finances so that I will never have to rely on him again. It hasn't been easy, the past will always play a part in the present, I have forgiven but not forgotten and I choose not to forget as that is what will help me in the future to never allow someone to treat me the way he has.