My husbands weed addiction. Is he even worth staying with? - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-05-2016, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
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My husbands weed addiction. Is he even worth staying with?

I don't even know where to start... I know its long but I really appreciate whoever is reading this. So My husband is 32 and i am 22. But when we were dating(the lies he told me not true at all) he was 25, had a house, no kids, single, did not smoke, drank on occasion and not much. I later find out he was married/separated to another women and mexico and had a child together. Which was a surprise to me because I met his sister and dad. We had a perfect connection I was really happy with him. But unfortunately by the time I found out he already took my virginity and a month later I find out I am pregnant. When I told him I was pregnant he said he was happy and that we will figure something out but he took days to call me back, and said he couldn't go back to the US and that I had to go to Mexico. Which being pregnant and needing to finish my degree there was no way in hell I would stop my education and receive prenatal care in Mexico and I didn't trust him anymore I could have went there and never came back. So after waiting awhile for him to respond I figured he was still with his wife at the time so I decided to message his wife because it was something she needed to know and then I messaged him, I lied and asked for him to give me money for an abortion so that way he thinks his child is dead so I can never hear from him again and I could afford my first prenatal appointment. He never responded or gave me money. For 6 months I didnt hear anything from him. I looked on his fb and see that he is back together with his wife at the time. During the end of my pregnancy he makes a fake fb account to apologize to me. He is so disgusting he was still trying to get me back when he was living with her and I even see a picture of them both holding hands while he is telling me he loves me and wants to be with me. Long story short. I didn't have enough money to financially support myself and my son so I originally planned a adoption but it devastated me because I loved my son SO MUCH despite my situation. So once his wife at the time kicks him out and in the middle of his divorce he of course starts running to me and me being desperate I decided to take him back for financial reasons. He came back the same day our son was born. So because he was a Mexican citizen we needed to get married fast so he can get his working permit. Now we have been married for little over a year and our son is almost 2. Our relationship was good at the beginning. I was actually happy with him but then I noticed he had lighters and asked him why he always had lighters and that I hoped he was not smoking because he knew very well I do not like that especially when we do not have the fiances for it. I later catch him and find Marijuana in the same room where my son sleeps... I dont have anything against other people using it. I even done it a couple of times in the past but I grew up became a mom and its really not worth me losing my career. Its just not apart of the lifestyle I want, not the type of lifestyle I want my partner to have and the lifestyle I want my son exposed to. I told him I would not tolerate having marijuana be near my son long story short he promised me he would stop its just that he has been really stressed out. Now we live in a bigger apartment doing better financially and I keep on seeing signs that he is smoking, eye drops in his pocket, toothbrush in his car, red eyes, he even liked a post on facebook saying "when life sucks but at least its descent because you are stoned", so because of all of this I decided to search his phone and I found a text asking his sisters boyfriend to hook him up with weed on top of that I also found pornography. Great now I dont trust him and now I wont even feel comfortable having sex with him. I am so devastated. Not to long before that we also had an argument because I wanted to have a joint account with him since I only work one day of the week to pay of my car and gas so I dont have enough money to buy groceries, doctors visits especially emergency visits and diapers and its really a pain having to wait for him to come home just so I can buy the stuff we need. He gets mad at me for being controlling and that it is his money. But when it comes to the money I earned from my income tax its Our money and he took out $255 out of our emergency fund(from my income tax money) for things we didn't even need and withdrew cash from the Atm which was most likely for his weed. (he even has his own savings account he could have taken it out of) . When I confronted him he kept on saying lies to me until I got it out of him and when I put him in a corner he tries to attack me (which is very hard because I never dd anything wrong in our relationship) so he brings up the day I went to a Zedd concert that was at my University that ended at 9pm, served no alcohol, surrounded by police, his sister was even there, and I was there just with my girl friends and we spent the majority of our time eating tacos on a bench talking up a storm because we haven't seen each other in 3 months. But according to him I was being a bad wife and mother dancing with boys. His claim has no proof. And then he calls me controlling when he doesn't like me going out and especially talking to other guys even if it is mutual. Now he is in denial that I am not mad at him because he is smoking weed but because of me being a control freak over money. And honestly the thing that I am pissed off the most is not even the weed is that he is lying to me saying he is going to this place just so he can get high while I am at home struggling trying to take care of my son and study. I cant trust him anymore and he is not doing anything to earn my trust except lying to me even more. The joint account is the least of my problems. The only thing I want for him is to be responsible, I know he does not want a joint account because he is not responsible with money and Ill know when he buys weed. I know I should divorce him, we have another immigration appointment for more proof next year I am scared to give him citizenship. Despite everything I really want the marriage I have now to work out. All I want is for my husband to be responsible and respect my feelings. I know I cannot change him. He needs to want to change but how can I do that? He doesn't even feel sorry for what he did and he probably is high at the moment.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-06-2016, 06:20 AM
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Re: My husbands weed addiction. Is he even worth staying with?

You married a lying, cheating, drug user. What did you think was going to happen?!?!?! If you want all of this to stop, you're going to have to file for divorce. If you want responsible and respectful, this "man" will never provide that.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-07-2016, 09:53 AM
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Re: My husbands weed addiction. Is he even worth staying with?

Wow, talk about a page of text that needs to be condensed!

Bottom line is whet MJJEAN stated; you married a lying, cheating drug user. He was that way before you met him and he continues to be that way. Send his ass back to Mexico, you don't want him in your life or your child's life.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-07-2016, 10:59 AM
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Re: My husbands weed addiction. Is he even worth staying with?

Originally Posted by 123garcia View Post
I know I should divorce him, we have another immigration appointment for more proof next year I am scared to give him citizenship. .
If he doesn't want to be deported you might have some leverage here, at least for the short term. Threaten to divorce him and get him kicked out of the country if he doesn't give you complete control of the finances and quit smoking weed.

Hopefully by the time the immigration comes around, you managing the money will be the status quo and he will have been off the weed long enough that he won't start smoking it again.

It's a long shot but it's all you got. You're in a big mess because you had a child with a man way too fast before you had any idea what he's all about and now you're paying the consequences of that. Your life will never be as good as it could have been if you made better choices early on, at this point it's "damage control" and no matter what you do you're going to struggle but hopefully you will learn to play the game better than he does.
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