I would be more than willing to do the drug test thing. It would have to be anonymous because of my job. I dont know if that would help though. She is hurt because I lied. I definitely think it all boils down to trust.
I know that communication is the key...It always comes back to her not wanting to talk about it.
I try not to bring up until I just cant stand it anymore. Every time I bring it up she says that I have to stop bugging the hell out of her. I have only brought it up twice in the last 2 months.
I have been a yes man for the past two months. Everything she has wanted I have been more than willing to accommodate for. Trips, keeping other peoples kids all the time, spending money. I just dont know how much longer I can keep being a yes man if it isnt helping.
If she knows what you did, and is not asking questions or expressing concerns that you will do it again, I would not say that communication may NOT be key! I would drop it and not bring it up unless she asks, and if she does ask, talk openly and honestly with her. Other than that, just give it time.
But I would also stop being a yes man. You can't live the rest of your life as if she has the upper hand in the marriage and you're indebted to her because you screwed up. You will be miserable, and frankly, probably LESS attractive to her if you're always groveling and sacrificing for her.
There is no way to "make up" for what you did. You can only move forward with no more lies, being the best husband you can, but as her equal not her lesser.
She is buying the house with you. I would give it time and stop apologizing and brining it up and acting whipped because of what you did. You are a man. You made a huge mistake. You lied to her and jepoardized everything. However - you didn't lose your job, end up in jail, destroy your health, spend the savings on drugs, etc. (did you? I hope not.) You stopped the problem on your own.
Getting counseling for yourself is not a bad idea. But if she doesn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't. Unless she has an attitude that she is going to use this mistake against you. If so then I would tell her to let you know what you need to do to make this right with her, and if there is nothing you can do, then you do need to start thinking about divorce because it is no longer a marriage if she is staying with you but bitter the rest of her life.