Hello, so this is my first post on this site. I guess I'm looking for an outsider's perspective. I've been married for nearly 4 years, I met my husband on a video game when I was 12, he was 13. We kept in contact and met each other in person when I was 18 him 19. We got married when he was 20 and I was 21.
The man I knew before we got married was amazing, he was perfect, he was everything I wanted in a man and more. I couldn't have picked a better person to spend my life with than him, a year or so after marriage things have changed and not for the better.
Considering how we met, I can understand him wanting to continue playing video games, I do myself occasionally, but not at all like he does.
Our every day routine consists of this: he comes home from work, doesn't even change, sits down at his computer in his uniform and plays until bed time. EVERY DAY. I have spoken with him several times about this and how we can't live our lives inside the house playing video games, things will change for a week and then back to the routine it goes. I literally have to dress and drag him out of the house for dates, for dinner outings, or anything... I'm honestly getting tired of it. He says that he feels like I am more of a parent to him than his spouse and I hate to admit it, but I feel that way too. I don't want to parent him, I don't want to have to drag him out of the house, I want him to want to go out with me on his own. When he's playing he has his headset on and is usually playing with some friends. He's completely unavailable when I need him and doesn't want to help with chores around the house. He's said before that since he works and I don't (I'll be starting school in August and I am a USAF veteran) that everything in the house should be my responsibility. I make sure all the bills are paid, I take care of our dogs (we have 2), I try my hardest to keep the house clean, though I admit I suck at getting the laundry folded and it will sit on the couch a few days, but he literally does nothing.
When he was a teen he was all into skateboarding (still played video games) but also got into drugs, alcohol and smoking... Which, I had never done until I met him. (Not the drugs of course...) I had a very sheltered kind of childhood, he didn't.
I asked him the last time we spoke what his life goals were, he has none; doesn't want to go to school, travel, NOTHING. I asked what makes him happy, he said ecstasy, alcohol, smoking and video games... This scares me. When we married he had life goals, he had things he wanted to accomplish, things he wanted to do before he got too old to do them, now it's nothing.
I have several life goals, I want to do everything I can with my time on this planet. My husband is a Christian, I am agnostic; that causes a bit of trouble between our families occasionally, but between us it doesn't matter. We don't have children and have purposely held off on kids until we feel we're ready... Lately I feel like I've been trying to raise him.
With his video games comes internet girlfriends... Girls who he makes friends with and eventually ends up chatting with on the side, receiving pictures from them, chatting with them alone on skype and things that I feel a married man shouldn't be doing. He's had several who I've had to step in (after seeing the bikini pics) and tell them that he's married and get him to block them or delete them from his contacts. Considering we met on a video game and ended up married, you'd think he'd understand why I don't want him doing these kinds of things.
Indifference.... He can't make decisions on anything... When I can drag him out of the house, where he wants to go eat (never cares), what he orders from the restaurant (it takes him 20 mins to decide)... He doesn't care if I go off to some male strip club alone (which I don't because it's not for me), if we get into a fight and I go for a drive late at night, I'll come home in the wee hours of the morning and he's sound asleep, not a worry or care in the world.
In our first year of marriage, we gave eachother gifts on our birthday's, we celebrated Valentine's Day together, we went on dates, we did things together and made memories. Now that that year has gone, he doesn't get me gifts for my birthday, we don't do anything for Valentine's Day. I still get him gifts, a card, a box packed with his favorite candy and I get nothing in return...
I'm so distraught and I feel so alone and so depressed because I feel like he doesn't love me anymore. What have I done to make him this way? Why did it take dating and a year of marriage for his full fledged noncaring personality to come out?
TL;DR: Husband plays games every day, doesn't help with chores, acts like I'm not here, has no life goals and I feel like he doesn't care or love me anymore. What did I do wrong?