Wife's Serious Weight Problem - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #31 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 08:11 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
@Bibi1031, weight loss surgery CAN help, but it is no guarantee. First, they need to find out what triggered this switch. She cannot even get the surgery without going through psychological testing as well as attempting weight loss without surgery. She will even have to go through some physical tests. And, weight loss surgery is not a cure. I really wish people would stop calling it that. It is a lifestyle change, and it isn't foolproof, either. She COULD go back to those poor eating habits, even after getting surgery. So, right now, he needs to get her to see a psychologist, to find out what caused this... and to her primary doctor as well as *maybe* specialists. WLS is not her only option. It is a tool, only to be used as a *last* resort!

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This is true. I have seen people have this surgery and regain weight. It then becomes an entirely worse situation. It also isn't a cure at all without the counselling and change to lifestyle because they remain overweight or obese just not as big by eating more frequently. I've seen it happen with both a female and male I work with. They are both lovely but they really struggle with this and have been doing so for the whole ten years I have known them. It's truly a daily battle for them.
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post #32 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 08:15 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

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When I hit menopause I found I wanted to eat all the time, even when I was full. Then I got my hormones straightened out and my appetite returned to normal. Of course even at my worst I was nothing like your wife, I'm just saying that hormones can affect appetite and this did start at middle age.
I have a sister that experienced the hormone imbalance at midlife and her weight soared. She had never had weight issues before midlife and no problem over eating either. Bariatric surgery was not for her as her issues slowly but surely got resolved because she went to the doctors before her weight was out of control. Her thyroid was also making her gain weight. The excessive eating caused bloating and intestinal problems as well as kidney and liver issues. It was a bad time for her indeed. Good thing she didn't suffer from terrible hot flashes, insomnia, anxiety, depression and other ailments that women go through at midlife/menopause.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #33 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 08:26 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

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Jerry, it sounds like you've been married for some time, and the quality (up until recently) has been pretty good.

If that's accurate, then something aside from your marriage is seriously wrong here. There's either a very serious medical issue or a very serious psychiatric issue. Does she have a family history of either?
I had an aunt who gained a lot of weight several months before she died from a brain tumour. She knew about the tumour, but didn't tell anyone, including her family. She just dropped dead one day.

One of my clinical rotations as a student involved a young, obese woman who couldn't stop drinking water b/c of an inoperable tumour.

Satiety centres are in the brain and can cause uncontrolled eating. So can mental illness, as others have suggested. The suddenness of her symptoms is a concern.

Get her help ASAP. Including protecting her from uneducated @ssholes.
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post #34 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 08:27 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

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This is true. I have seen people have this surgery and regain weight. It then becomes an entirely worse situation. It also isn't a cure at all without the counselling and change to lifestyle because they remain overweight or obese just not as big by eating more frequently. I've seen it happen with both a female and male I work with. They are both lovely but they really struggle with this and have been doing so for the whole ten years I have known them. It's truly a daily battle for them.
It is a life change, not an easy fix by any means; that was never implied. There are no easy fixes to this type of illness. That was never implied either.

The leastr restrictive bariatric surgeries will help you lose about 100 pounds. If the person decides they want the less invasive surgery that has less risks, then they will not lose more that those 100 pounds. Most of the people that have these types of surgeries are way over 100 pounds overweight. It's really something that each individual person and their doctors need to decide.

My nephew wanted the surgery that would help him lose 100 pounds. He decided to try losing the weight on his own and lost the first 100 by himself, but then he went back to old habits and he started gaining weight very quickly. this is going to happen to anyone that doesn't make a life change instead of just a temporary one!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.

Last edited by Bibi1031; 06-24-2016 at 12:00 AM.
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post #35 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 08:32 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

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Ehhh... no. In one other thread, you told me that I have no idea what I am talking about regarding male sexuality and porn use. While I don't know about *every* man, I do know about my husband.

But that is a different topic. The reason I agree with your advice on this thread is because it is sound.
Reminds me of a recently banned poster. LOL, maybe he made a new account. j/k
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post #36 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 09:33 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

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Ehhh... no. In one other thread, you told me that I have no idea what I am talking about regarding male sexuality and porn use. While I don't know about *every* man, I do know about my husband.

But that is a different topic. The reason I agree with your advice on this thread is because it is sound.

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Ehhh...yes. You overgeneralized about all men based on your experience from your one man. That deserved to be mentioned. Objectivity, good.

I appreciate your ability to recognize the soundness of my adivce on the other thread, though.
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post #37 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 10:05 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

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Ehhh...yes. You overgeneralized about all men based on your experience from your one man. That deserved to be mentioned. Objectivity, good.

I appreciate your ability to recognize the soundness of my adivce on the other thread, though.
No, actually, I didn't. If anything, you overgeneralized. The only thing I said was *not all men require/look at*. It wasn't only based on my "one man" either.

The soundness of your advice on this thread is *gasp* seated in my own experience, as well as other WLS patients I know. 😂

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post #38 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 10:25 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

@Maricha75, is this the same person that posted that there was no such thing as being addicted to porn?

I went back and looked up that particular thread and sure enough, it's him.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.

Last edited by Bibi1031; 06-23-2016 at 10:37 PM.
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post #39 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 10:34 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

Ladies, I've reported the argumentative, baiting posts.
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post #40 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 10:45 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

This arguing between members is of no help to the OP. From here on out either post directly to the OP in support of the OP, or don't post on this thread. I'd hate to have to ban anyone.
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post #41 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 11:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

Yes, Working Wife, that is what I am trying to say, but I'm so confused I'm afraid that my thoughts are coming out incoherently. The woman eats insatiably- WAY past, frightfully more than, what you or I can consume. Almost every night I find her sitting at the kitchen table in a stupor, slumped over, unable to move, her clothes strewn along with the refuse from her binge. i have to help her to her room or she will just crawl there. But I will try to follow your advice. It's just that I feel so alone, as if no one knows what it's like living with a wife who is so out of control. I have NEVER resorted to complaining to anyone about her, though. I do my level-best to keep in mind that she is still my wife.
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post #42 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 11:34 PM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

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Originally Posted by Bibi1031 View Post
I have a sister that experienced the hormone imbalance at midlife and her weight soared. She had never had weight issues before midlife and no problem over eating either. Bariatric surgery was not for her as her issues slowly but surely got resolved because she went to the doctors before her weight was out of control. Her thyroid was also making her gain weight. The excessive eating caused bloating and intestinal problems as well as kidney and liver issues. It was a bad time for her indeed. Good thing she didn't suffer from terrible hot flashes, insomnia, anxiety, depression and other ailments that women go through at midlife/menopause.
Crazy! Glad she got some help. It's funny with menopause - I actually thought I was getting off easy compared to the stories my older friends told about it. It wasn't until after I saw someone and got on some hormones that I was able to appreciate just how bad off I'd been emotionally. The never ending desire to eat was distressing as I am very vain about my weight, but even more distressing is I would NOT eat despite the strong desire, and I still kept gaining weight! How is it that the body is having hot flashes AND gaining weight? Shouldn't those be burning extra calories?!

Anyhow, the original post here actually sounded made up to me at first! But assuming it's true, something happened and he needs to insist his wife get some help. The person going through it often doesn't have the perspective to understand how wrong things have gotten.
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post #43 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 12:08 AM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

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I have NEVER resorted to complaining to anyone about her, though. I do my level-best to keep in mind that she is still my wife.
Yes she is and she needs your help because she is ill. How long has Beverly been doing this over eating thing? Can you remember how she got started? 400 pounds is very heavy, was she over weight before the eating disorder occurred?

Based on her mother's humiliating incident, my guess is that she was not that heavy to start with, otherwise, mom would not have humiliated her daughter like she did. Did no one in the family realize that she needed professional help?

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #44 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 12:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

I was afraid that someone would ask me this question; I almost omitted the detail it references out of embarrassment over its answer. But, yes, I did stop twice to get her what she wanted. (And walked around the parking lot of the second stop while she devoured it.) No one, and I mean NO ONE, knows what that woman is like when she is hungry. The moaning and groaning, the pleading- 'Oh Jerry, I want it so badly; I beg you to stop,' over and over- the Loony Tunes behavior (like pulling her pants down and making animal noises)- I can take only so much of it while driving. We argue about her eating almost every single time we get in the car. On long trips, she just sits in the backseat and feasts, while I turn up the radio so that I don't have to listen to her loud chewing and happy noises. On those occasions, and others where she is out of control, I can't help but thinking of her as beastly.
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post #45 of 73 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 12:16 AM
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Re: Wife's Serious Weight Problem

Jerry, do you have children with Beverly? How long have you been married to her? Who else lives with you and her on a daily basis?

Do you not think something is seriously wrong with her medically speaking? You seem more grossed out than concerned IMO.

It's just weird!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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