Porn, sex and hate where we live - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-23-2016, 11:15 AM Thread Starter
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Porn, sex and hate where we live

Hi,

I have recently moved house with my partner and cant seem to handle living here anymore, its only been 4 months and everytime I come home, I am literally feeling low, depressed and want to run back to my family and see friends, anything to not be in this house. It literally forms a black cloud.

I suffer from anxiety and stress but nothing to this level as its normally related to something then it goes away. however this feeling since moving isn't me, as if i take myself somewhere else, I am so happy and feel normal again, if that makes sense.

I have also not wanted to be around my partner at all physically but enjoy other people's company, I am now doing things without my partner I enjoy and want to be around my friends pretty much most weekends as well as my immediate family too. We use to spend every minute together but now I cant handle being around him too. I feel he has depended on me a lot and I have noticed I have sorted out the house myself with builders, can manage of my own and feel now I have literally outgrown him, he has mentioned he doesnt have the same confidence as me and his self esteem is low since the stress of the house and cant handle me being down with the house too.

We havent quite got the sex right between us, he admitted to me once he was addicted to sex and just love feeling the different sensations too, which resulted in him taking forever which put me off and I hated it. Then he admitted to w*nking so many times a day to relieve himself as well as porn use and toys. When I first met him, it was like I felt completely inadequate because of this slight sleazy feel around him as he was so overly zealous and very intense physically that it just about deflated me where i told him to tone it down a lot. So even though I felt it was best we didnt have it every night, I felt also he just never left me alone and wanted it literally all the time but he took forever so for me, I just wanted him off me immediately and hated this so called feeling with him. Some times it was ok but after he wanted it again, but knew he couldn't and i HATED the pressure. Other times it was horrendous and felt creeped out because of this intensity and how serious he would take with me. He admits he takes sex very seriously.
I have noticed if we are flirty together, he will mention he looks forward to later, when later comes, I had a bad back that time he literally said , "well I wished I had a w*nk instead" I would be much happier. So I left feeling upset and deflated.
I never feel I am enough for him physically even though he tells me, I am, but I know I am not. He use to imagine I was having sex with him with a strap on as he would get off on this more and wanted me to try it. If its not that he has an obsession with the arse, or he wants to do all sorts with toys, now I don't mind but with him I seriously don't want to, he is just too much and I feel overwhelmed. I use to be highly sexed here but recently noticed that I am not at all and its gone out the window. I am finding myself being attracted to others and feel somewhat bullied by my own partner or feel intimated by him, which is what I have told him.

So now when I am around him I am getting angry, upset and feel when i reach the house, I am depressed and don't want to come home.

it has now lead to us selling the house and he wants to know where he stands, but I just want out now and want my share of the house and to move out very quickly here. I am hoping this will be the case soon. It has got that bad.

We use to live in my cottage, I was fine as it was my house and loved the area as well, but every now and again the sex issue would come up as an argument but other times we were great together. So i know its a combination of lots of things now.

I am not sure if I hate him, feel depressed, angry, resentful or worried in case I am suffering from depression but it has only come on since we moved to this house and since the sex issue to me is making me feel like i am someone else. It has been on and off for a while but since moving its made it worse, literally!

Thank you for reading..

I am not sure what is going on in my head that seems to worry me as i am all over the place at the moment.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-23-2016, 11:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

Forgot to mention as well, that lately as our sex has kind of dwindled he is back to downloading porn sites on his phone, and goggled best porn sites on mobiles.

Also he has taken the internet wire out of the socket and blocked certain sites which are sex related or the likes, he said he did this for his own reasons?

he has told me if we are breaking up to please not date anyone in the process but he cant tell me what to do that isn't fair at all?
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-23-2016, 11:55 AM
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

You've got problems. The first thing I think of when I hear "stressed and depressed", and then hear a long line of nonsense about the husband and how he is wanting too much sex is---- why in the heck did you get married???? Just divorce him and move on; you are going to do that anyway. Let some other poor bastard deal with your hatred for him, stress, depression, and dislike of having sex.
He will be very sad for a while, but he will get over it and be glad to be rid of you. There's lots of other men you can inflict pain on-- why deny them?
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-23-2016, 11:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

Well that was a nice reply thank you for that, lol - I have never been nasty to anyone before including my partners, I think you are misunderstanding, I feel our sex lives are different, which is making me feel down not anything nasty from my side, its making me feel inadequate and we are not married. We are just living together, also in my past I have never had problems sexually before this is a first for me, so perhaps I didnt explain that correctly. Anyway, thanks...I think but didnt quite make sense to me....
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-23-2016, 01:07 PM
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

Not trying to give you a hard time, but just what is it that makes him so bad sexually? Do you think the problem might be your depression and everything else? If you wanted your guy, you could hardly be too tired....

You've got to be happy with yourself. Blaming him for your stress and depression may not be fair. You've heard that old saying " get the log out of your own eye, and you will be better able to remove the splinter from your neighbor's".....

List the problems you have with him.
Him wanting sex should NOT be a problem if you love him and like sex.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-23-2016, 01:20 PM
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

Stick with one thread. You just started one yesterday.

Is he your fiancee? I estimate you are 41 and he is 51. You are female, right?
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-06-2016, 08:40 PM
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

The FIRST thing you should do is focus on one issue at a time. Its impossible to make progress when your brain is wrapped around so many negative issues at the same time. You have to decide which problem is drastically effecting your everyday happiness and start there. Having an unfulfilled sex life can be detrimental to others aspects of life. As partners in a relationship we are not obligated to fulfill every fantasy or desire our spouse may have, this a choice. Ask your self am I comfortable doing this, am I pleasured, why am I so bothered performing certain acts. Get to root of your discomfort. Decide what fetishes are nonnegotiable. Be honest with yourself. Value your wants and needs. Life is too short to go around stuffing a **** up someone's ass and hating yourself with each stroke. Put your big girl panties on and make some adult decisions. Once you decide to make your happiness priority others follow suit. Living a happy balanced life is a choice. While reading your post I never once said oh this guy is a jerk, I clearly see a woman place the responsibility of making herself happy on someone else (your not alone). You deserve to have the life you want so steps towards that life.


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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-06-2016, 11:16 PM
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

The two of you are sexually incompatible. It sound like you just need to leave him and get it over with.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-07-2016, 06:30 AM
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal2675 View Post
Forgot to mention as well, that lately as our sex has kind of dwindled he is back to downloading porn sites on his phone, and goggled best porn sites on mobiles.

Also he has taken the internet wire out of the socket and blocked certain sites which are sex related or the likes, he said he did this for his own reasons?

he has told me if we are breaking up to please not date anyone in the process but he cant tell me what to do that isn't fair at all?
Honestly, he just sounds totally repulsive. Like a freakin' dog in heat who lives for his genitals. So utterly unappealing. And you're clearly feeling the same way not even wanting to come home anymore. I don't blame you one bit - not one.

And something tells me you've only seen the very TIP of the iceberg with this deviant. There's something real wrong with a guy who literally HAS to spend his day continually "wanking off" because of a constant need to 'relieve' himself. That's just completely abnormal.

Get your money from the sale of the house and get the hell out. You've only scratched the ugly surface with this guy.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-07-2016, 06:56 PM
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

Any man that says he wished he had of had a wank earlier bc you were not up for sex is a complete loser. Rid yourself of this man and you will feel the warmth of the sun on you again. He is not a prize catch, he is a prize p.rick.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 12:31 AM
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

You should look into NoFap or yourbrainonporn.com . This will give you alot of insight into the damaging effects of pornography and why many people today (predominantly millenials) need intense therapy before even getting into relationships.
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 01:05 AM
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Re: Porn, sex and hate where we live

Since your description of him (whether accurate or not) is how you feel about him and your relationship. Based on that alone, it's over, and it has been for quite some time.

I have no clue why people would buy a house together outside of marriage, but you did, so sell it and get on with your life.

Ciao,

Spicy
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