Cattle-Mom

I’m not great but I feel kind of good tonight. I finally called my husband’s sponsor and told him my husband has been drinking in secret, after 60 days of wonderful sobriety.

My husband has all the support in the word, a great AA sponsor, therapists, doctors….he goes to meetings both AA and therapists - for a total of 7 days a week. This is after a horrible 3 mos drinking binge and multiple suicide attempts last summer. After an intervention I staged with his friends, a trip to the doctor that landed him in ER, and a DUI. A lot of the suicide attempts being grandstanding but still, he was drunk enough to do himself in. After the DUI he finally put himself into rehab hence all of the support he has today. But all for naught since he is drinking again.

I’ve known about his secret drinking for about three weeks now, but hesitated because I felt to blame for the night he got his dui and wasn’t sure the best way to handle it. Last summer, I called the police in an attempt to save his life because he was going after dangerous pills I was trying to bag up and get out of the home. He blocked me and was going for the pills. At the time I didn't see what other choice I had than to call the police. He ran and got the dui. I consider that I saved his life despite the inconvenience to us both on his getting a DUI. I've never had to deal with this type of situation in my past so what do I know about police etc.

When he went into all these programs I offered to rid of all the booze in the house but he insisted I didn’t. We actually didn’t have a lot of booze in the home. His preference is beer. I prefer hard liquor when I drink. His reason was why should I stop because he has a disease….and that he would always have to come up against it so he needed to deal with it. I drink on occasion, and responsibly. I can take it or leave it.

When I realized he was drinking again he threatened to say it was my fault because I have an occasional ****tail. He’s a sneaky bastard. I have a high-powered demanding job and this bull**** is getting old. I need to start rethinking our relationship and my priorities, but that’s another story.

First a beer a day, then two, now almost a six pack. The last time being Friday night, and then today. Soon he will be right back to where he was last summer.

I just feel good about my decision to call his sponsor and wish I would have done it sooner.

His sponsor should keep our confidence, and show up unannounced - if not things will get tough around here. I can take care of myself and am ready to go. But first things first. I'm beginning to think divorce is in my near future.