So sorry about your cousin and your dad. Drinking to his grave is exactly where my brother is headed and he knows it. He has already suffered seizures from withdrawals, and recently his kidneys started failing. Again...what does it take to get them to stop? Where is his "rock bottom"? Soooo frustrating and completely depressing.
We have paid for my brother to go to rehab. He has been through at least 4-5 places. We paid for one...he got into the others through welfare, etc. He has NO money, no job, no healthcare other than Medicaid. Can't drive because of multiple DUIs.
be the case that there is nothing you can do. Especially if he's been to several programs, and still drinking. You can't control him, and if he won't be enticed... I don't know what else you could do. Tough love sounds like your last hope. (and just because it didn't work for us, doesn't mean it won't for him)
I'd consider this option, if you're going the tough love route: Don't threaten, notify. Meet with your brother, and explain to him "Brother this behavior is killing my family. It's hurting my dad, and he's too old for this. It's breaking my heart, and I can't have my family go through this. If you decide to clean up, and can keep clean, then we can revisit this. But I've got to stop talking to you until you can find a way to do that."
Then follow through. And sit with your kids, and explain to them that they absolutely must not do what their uncle is doing, and if they ever find a day that think they need
a drink, what they need
is to never drink again.
It may be that you can at least make this a teachable moment for your kids.
Maybe someone else here will have some better ideas