Is Shopping Addiction a real thing? - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 11:45 AM Thread Starter
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Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

Yesterday my W left home around 2:30pm to run errands and go shopping. She returned around 9:30 pm, with 3 small bags of items from 1 of the multiple stores she went to, along with some bulk drinks. She communicated with me during the 7 hrs about some specific electronics she was searching for, but could not locate.

From my male mind, it seems like a long time to not come home with much. I am a planner, so I would research online which stores have my products, so I won't waste time, but I understand sometimes inventories are not updated regularly.

Perhaps it is the "big game hunter" phenomenon when she is out looking. And before anyone brings it up, I confirmed she was actually at the stores during the time period.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 12:46 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

Some people have an immaturity around money and shopping. They spend recklessly without considering a) do they need it b) is it a good price c) can it wait. I think this is just fecklessness as opposed to addiction.

But I have a friend who without doubt crosses the line from immaturity and fecklessness to 'addiction'. He will buy multiple items of the same thing and will not even open the box/packet. He hoards it in his attic then becomes overwhelmed and gives brand new things away. He will buy bizarre things, but justify his reasoning (an investment, might come in handy, so and so may like it...the stuff he buys once he is home is not a huge deal, but the buying process is hugely rewarding.).

An example of when I had noticed it had completely got out of control was when his house was FULL of art deco fixture and fittings, wallpaper, ornaments etc still boxed but starting to pile up high in the kitchen. He claimed it was for a house that maybe one day he would own (a fantasy 1920's house), his own house wasn't even on the market. He becomes obsessive over a theme, so for instance he will buy a DVD, enjoy the DVD, but then will have to buy every single movie that the actor has ever made within the space of a week. He is single so doesn't really go to any length to hide these things, but I guess if he had a partner he probably would.

So I think there is a huge difference between a feckless shopper and someone who has genuine compulsive behaviour. But it definitely does exist.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 01:18 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

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And before anyone brings it up, I confirmed she was actually at the stores during the time period.
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Yes, but was she alone? Ok, had to say that.

You are like me. You see the purchase as the end goal. She sees the process/path/journey of purchasing as the end goal as important and the purchase itself.

The time you spent researching online could have been as long as the time she spent in the store.

Plus you have to keep in mind they have to try on 10-20 things for every 1 thing actually purchased.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 01:30 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

It is a real thing, totally. I used to be addicted to shopping, and it can be an expensive hobby. My bf doesn't see the need to spend hours at the mall looking in every store, he knows what he wants, and he'll go to the store to buy it. lol Opposites attract though, right?
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 01:38 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

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Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
Yesterday my W left home around 2:30pm to run errands and go shopping. She returned around 9:30 pm, with 3 small bags of items from 1 of the multiple stores she went to, along with some bulk drinks. She communicated with me during the 7 hrs about some specific electronics she was searching for, but could not locate.

From my male mind, it seems like a long time to not come home with much. I am a planner, so I would research online which stores have my products, so I won't waste time, but I understand sometimes inventories are not updated regularly.

Perhaps it is the "big game hunter" phenomenon when she is out looking. And before anyone brings it up, I confirmed she was actually at the stores during the time period.
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First off, it's not your "male mind", it's your experience as a planner. You focus on the objective.

Do you know her objective?

My W spends 6-8 hours every weekend doing grocery shopping. Her end goal is not groceries. Her goal is to be away from the chaos she's created at home (visual clutter on all her work spaces), the sick dogs she fosters that demand attention and her marriage, which she thinks she should have never gotten into.

Not everybody needs "alone time"...but many do. Perhaps this is simply her alone time.

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 04:53 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

I would actually be disappointed in myself if I spent 7 hours shopping and only came home with 3 little bags. Her dogs must be barking!
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-29-2016, 10:37 AM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

I think it can be an addiction. Nearly every thing can turn into an addiction. It''s pretty easy for time to fly by when you're out and about though so I wouldn't put too much thought into this if it doesn't happen very often.

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 02:01 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

"Retail therapy" is the term our marriage counselor used. It can take the form of just browsing looking at what COULD be purchased, to hunting for bargains and then buying or the outright continual purchasing of stuff you really don't need. Each of those give the "buyer" varying degrees of satisfaction but the last one probably creates more issues (clutter, financial issues, etc...)
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-06-2016, 12:43 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

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Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?
No, but being completely irresponsible is. Which your W coincidentally also is, in spades.

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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-06-2016, 04:28 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

I use retail therapy quite a bit. But I do online shopping.
Why leave the house lol .
It definitely makes me feel better until I look At my Visa card. Lol.
I think to her part of the fun is the spending hours looking at stuff although to only come home with three small bags is pretty disappointing.



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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-06-2016, 04:38 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

It most certainly is!

I'm living proof of it. The hoarder in me takes over sometimes too

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 06:36 PM
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Re: Is Shopping Addiction a real thing?

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Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
Yesterday my W left home around 2:30pm to run errands and go shopping. She returned around 9:30 pm, with 3 small bags of items from 1 of the multiple stores she went to, along with some bulk drinks. She communicated with me during the 7 hrs about some specific electronics she was searching for, but could not locate.

From my male mind, it seems like a long time to not come home with much. I am a planner, so I would research online which stores have my products, so I won't waste time, but I understand sometimes inventories are not updated regularly.

Perhaps it is the "big game hunter" phenomenon when she is out looking. And before anyone brings it up, I confirmed she was actually at the stores during the time period.
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Every addiction is "real" if it soothes the inner daemons of a troubled person in need of some relief such as: shopping, gambling, drinking, porn, etc. The addict is trying to escape from or soothe their hidden, repressed and usually DENIED inner pain(s) with any distraction or cover-up they can find such as SHOPPING FOR HOURS AND HOURS!

choose happiness
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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If shopping was her only addiction, I could probably deal with that. But seeking the attention of OM is a bridge too far.
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