What should I do with my boyfriend? - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 12:59 AM Thread Starter
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What should I do with my boyfriend?

Hi, all I am new here. I was the name of the site that made me post. I am Susan from British Columbia. I don't know what to do I am all in a confused situation. I am living with my boyfriend for the past two years and all these months I had good days and bad days that depending on his mood and mood swings. it was his moods that made my day good and bad. Because at times he will be good but the very next day he behaves weird as if I am alien to him. And the reason for this is his addiction. He was addicted to porn and alcohol addiction but after starting a relationship with me, he was not all the same and he stopped watching porns and in the initial days of relationship he used to say that it was my influence that made him say no to porn. I was all happy and that was something that made me close to him, thinking that I had made an impact in his life. But after a year, he started showing changes in his behavior and that was something that made me write. He is now addicted to alcohol and heard from his other friends that he has started using drugs too. I am not understanding the reason why is he behind all this? I happen to share about this with my friend and she suggested me about an addiction treatment at Edgewood ( https://www.edgewood.ca/ ) and she had a personal experience of this sort and that was something that made her say so. But a person that just loose a temper for asking the reason for being sad, how can I talk to that person about addiction treatment. Two days back I happen o know from his friend that his old girlfriend has approached him. Can this be a reason for all the behavioral changes? I was planning to introduce him to my parents, but all these things are disturbing and making me confused. What could be the reason for the changes? He do take care of me and my things but this addiction and unexpected mood swings are bothering me a lot. Should I move forward with the suggestion made by my friend? I am not able to open up. What could be the thing that is bothering him? Is the addiction a reason for this? Anyone here been in this situation before and how can I help him ?
Please do revert back.
Thanks in advance.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 12:22 PM
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Re: What should I do with my boyfriend?

Quote:
Originally Posted by susan e jackson View Post
in the initial days of relationship he used to say that it was my influence that made him say no to porn. I was all happy and that was something that made me close to him, thinking that I had made an impact in his life.
Question, what "influence" did you use to make him change his opinion towards porn?
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 12:30 PM
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Re: What should I do with my boyfriend?

Do NOT introduce him to your parents.

Get away.

Far away.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 12:59 PM
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Re: What should I do with my boyfriend?

So according to you he is a emotionally unstable alcoholic with a drug and porn addiction.

My question to you is:
Are you unable to find a boyfriend who is emotionally stable and have no addiction issues?

Have you read some of the other posts on this forum? For many women, even one of these dysfunctions would have been a deal breaker. Do you not value yourself enough to seek somebody better?

As for your question, addiction treatment centers are only effective if the addict is motivated to turn his life around. Your boyfriend is not motivated to improve his life or your relationship.

Do not introduce him to your parents. There is no reason to have them meet him unless you harbor deep resentment towards your parents and you're doing it out of spite.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 01:16 PM
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Re: What should I do with my boyfriend?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Altair View Post
Do NOT introduce him to your parents.

Get away.

Far away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KillerClown View Post
So according to you he is a emotionally unstable alcoholic with a drug and porn addiction.
@Altair and @KillerClown I think it is fair to say that there are not enough details yet to advise her to run away. Can either of you tell me for sure which scenario we are talking about.

She "heard from his other friends that he has started using drugs too." So she has not witnessed this herself other than to observe strange mood swings. So is it?

A) Someone that drinks a six pack of beer every few days, watches a very moderate amount of porn, and has taken a few tokes on a bong at a friends house.

B) Someone that drinks over a liter of vodka a day, compulsively watches porn to the point he can't work, and is also learning to do heroine.

By the standards of everyone I went to college with, if you are not on par with the behavior described as person A), well then you are a prude. In the event this boyfriend falls into category B), your advice was very correct.

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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 10:38 PM
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Re: What should I do with my boyfriend?

I have lived with an alcoholic for many years.
It didn't end well.
Please find in yourself what it takes to part ways now.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-22-2016, 07:43 AM
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Re: What should I do with my boyfriend?

You're making the assumption that he's willing to go to a rehab center, however you'll most likely be very disappointed when you find out that he's not willing.

If you're hearing from his friends that he's now into drugs, how can you not know if this is true or not? Do some investigating around your house and confirm this. It's never good to be out of the loop. My guess is that you're aware of it and just don't want to admit it.

Don't introduce him to your parents. I'm actually surprised that you haven't already done this since you've been together for 2 years. Start preparing yourself to make some tough changes in your life. There are many red flags here. You can only change what you do; you cannot change someone else.

Good luck. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this.
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