This thread is so very sad. Call me morose but I’m glad that it didn’t just showcase the “Haha!! Dude! I got so sh!tfaced I woke up with my head in the toilet bowl, started panicking and screaming because some assh0le was pushing on my neck and not letting me get up!!!" (It was the toilet seat and yes, the drunk dumb ass in the toilet was me. Good times.
But more importantly this thread shows the damage drugs/alcohol wreak in the lives of those who were innocent bystanders/victims of the ravages of substance abuse.
There's a lot of things I know I've never sorted out, things that have started to consciously bother me.
I had an Adverse Childhood Experience Score
of 9, so I'm probably screwed regardless.
I too have a 9/10 on the ACE and know everything I experience, think, and feel is filtered through a lens that was distorted and smudged long ago. I try not to think of my childhood too often or for too long. I wrote about it once before here (Things your parents did that you hated, but...
) and don’t wish to again; I was haunted by the memories for weeks afterwards until I was able to bury them once more.
My father’s alcoholism and violence and my older brother’s early accelerated descent into alcoholism/drug addiction and his abuse of me forever altered the me I would have/could have been. I’m many years removed from it and still subject to its effects.
Thinking about it, truthfully I have no good experiences with alcohol. My first relationship at 17 was with a tortured alcoholic who was 8 years older than me and it ended in suicide 4 years later. I began drinking heavily after that and spent many an inebriated night willing myself to follow. Thankfully in weakness I was strong.
Anyway. I have mental and physical scars from all of this; they never heal. Therapy didn't help; the only thing that ever did was my relentless will to survive and dogged defiance.
I no longer drink going on 10+ years; I struggle at times, but I resist. Alcohol/drugs have destroyed those I've loved and crippled me in ways from which I will never recover, but I will never give up. I'm still here.
And even if that's my only victory, it's one I celebrate daily. It's my wish that those who posted here do the same.