Oh my. Sorry As'laDain I totally misunderstood. I'm hoping you are in therapy for PTSD?
How are you now?
im fine now. Iraq was new to me. i got there at about half passed midnight, and before i went to sleep my squad leader told me that i was going to the promotion board later that morning. i did not expect that at all. i passed the board, and was given a fire team to take care of. so, my first day leading soldiers was my first day in a combat zone.
a few weeks before we came home, my saw gunners room mate was killed by an explosively formed projectile, a particularly nasty type of roadside bomb that cuts through absolutely everything. two others were injured. one of the injured died a few months later. when i got to California, it was my first chance to slow down and actually think about it. i felt incredibly guilty, like i should have been more of a sergeant and less of a buddy to my saw gunners room mate. you may have seen him on a magazine, or in the news. at the time, they called him the last combat casualty of Iraq. we didn't know we would be back so soon.
even though i knew there was nothing that could have stopped that EFP(nothing stops an EFP), those thoughts still popped up. as it turned out, one of the guys in my Arabic course was a trauma counselor as a civilian. he was in the national guard. he got me talking about it. i got drunk, ran, listened to music, and just accepted it.
my next deployment, to Afghanistan, caused me some more issues. the stuff seems to hit me several months after deployment, i emote, feel it, and then its back to normal.
it is what it is.