Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #46 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 02:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

@As'laDain I can relate to drinking after exercise. There is something about gardening all afternoon in the Summer and then feeling I have earned a few glasses of refreshing white wine.

The good thing about beer for me is that I can literally only drink one and I get a very full feeling in my stomach. This is like the feeling I got with G&T's last weekend, the bubbles filled me up and after a couple and I thought meh.

Another thing that my H came up with is to drink Baileys (now we are getting into the winter months here). One is enough for anyone but gives you a lovely warm feeling inside. Nobody ever got drunk on Baileys.
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post #47 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 02:33 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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@blueinbr - just checking up on you. How you doing?


I am ok. Thanks for checking. We are back home. It was a long week. I think i counted 18 drinks in 6 days. Probably 3 more tonight with friends then stop for a while.

With the alcohol, stress eating, plus home cooking i gained 6 lbs. Now i have to hit the gym, eat better and stop drinking.
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post #48 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 02:39 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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I'm trying to avoid that route but not totally against the idea. I am also getting to the stage where I think I should be taking medication for my anxiety. I have read that you cannot drink on anti-anxiety meds which may be what I need.



My BIL took melatonin and it made him dopey in the morning. I am currently studying for my masters degree and trying to keep my mind sharp. I know alcohol does give me brain fog at times though. What I have noticed since cutting right down is that my study skills are improving and I have been more motivated to plough through the boring stuff .


@arbitrator - thank you so much my friend.


I take zoloft 50 mg daily for anxiety and have no interactions from drinking. But every person is different.

Melatonin comes in 1, 3, 5 and 10 mg. Try the very lowest dosage that works for you.
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post #49 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 02:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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I am ok. Thanks for checking. We are back home. It was a long week. I think i counted 18 drinks in 6 days. Probably 3 more tonight with friends then stop for a while.

With the alcohol, stress eating, plus home cooking i gained 6 lbs. Now i have to hit the gym, eat better and stop drinking.
Well only 3 drinks a day - I don't think that is too bad considering your circumstances. Those calories are a great incentive to cut down. Only 1 measly calorie lost for me. I may join a gym with the money I am saving.

Take care.
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post #50 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 02:42 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

@peacem, i didn't drink after the exercise. i ran in the hills in California and drank vodka for twelve hours straight. by the time i got home, i was fairly sober and my feet were bleeding. most of my toenails fell off in the ensuing week. i carried several gallons of water and the vodka in a rucksack on my back. listening to music the whole time.

i did a lot of very hard running that day. it was about the time when i started to deal with some of the emotional crap from my deployment to Iraq. that day, i just felt like staying drunk and on the verge of collapsing from physical exertion.

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #51 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 02:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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@peacem, i didn't drink after the exercise. i ran in the hills in California and drank vodka for twelve hours straight. by the time i got home, i was fairly sober and my feet were bleeding. most of my toenails fell off in the ensuing week. i carried several gallons of water and the vodka in a rucksack on my back. listening to music the whole time.

i did a lot of very hard running that day. it was about the time when i started to deal with some of the emotional crap from my deployment to Iraq. that day, i just felt like staying drunk and on the verge of collapsing from physical exertion.
Oh my. Sorry As'laDain I totally misunderstood. I'm hoping you are in therapy for PTSD?

How are you now?

I began drinking daily at the time when my young boy was diagnosed with learning difficulties - he is autistic with other complex needs. He never learned to speak and can do very little for himself. He's 15 now. I remember at the time that i just couldn't cope with all those meetings and people staring at me the the school playground. Watching him at playgroup being different to all the other children.

To this day I cannot coo over babies or watch programs with babies in them.

I get scared for him when I am too old to look after him, or I die. Or even worse my H dies and I will be alone to care for his needs. I also feel guilty for my daughter who has had a very different childhood than what we planned for her. I feel permanently guilty.

It overwhelmed me

I cannot relate to your time in Iraq but I can relate to wanting to run away at times.

Last edited by peacem; 11-18-2016 at 03:00 PM.
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post #52 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 03:15 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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Oh my. Sorry As'laDain I totally misunderstood. I'm hoping you are in therapy for PTSD?

How are you now?
im fine now. Iraq was new to me. i got there at about half passed midnight, and before i went to sleep my squad leader told me that i was going to the promotion board later that morning. i did not expect that at all. i passed the board, and was given a fire team to take care of. so, my first day leading soldiers was my first day in a combat zone.

a few weeks before we came home, my saw gunners room mate was killed by an explosively formed projectile, a particularly nasty type of roadside bomb that cuts through absolutely everything. two others were injured. one of the injured died a few months later. when i got to California, it was my first chance to slow down and actually think about it. i felt incredibly guilty, like i should have been more of a sergeant and less of a buddy to my saw gunners room mate. you may have seen him on a magazine, or in the news. at the time, they called him the last combat casualty of Iraq. we didn't know we would be back so soon.

even though i knew there was nothing that could have stopped that EFP(nothing stops an EFP), those thoughts still popped up. as it turned out, one of the guys in my Arabic course was a trauma counselor as a civilian. he was in the national guard. he got me talking about it. i got drunk, ran, listened to music, and just accepted it.

my next deployment, to Afghanistan, caused me some more issues. the stuff seems to hit me several months after deployment, i emote, feel it, and then its back to normal.

it is what it is.

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #53 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 03:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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it is what it is.
Yes. You and I shouldn't feel guilty for things we have no control over.

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Amazing book.
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post #54 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 02:50 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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@Randy2 Yes I am definitely interested in your experiences with those groups. Were you aware your parents were alcoholics as a child?

My niece recently asked me if she will be an alcoholic because her parents are and it broke my heart. She is now 15 but has been opening up to me about things she had to do for her mother from a very young age. Basically she had to be a mother to her younger sister. She also told me that it wasn't unusual from a very young (she said 7) for her to find her mother in the street or supermarket, get her home, undressed and to bed. She talks about leaving her very young sister home alone whilst she searched the street for her mum. Now she is older feels very guilty about this and doesn't fully understand why her mother (or sister) is not her responsibility. Made me cry.
Peacem,
It was obvious that my stepfather was alcoholic, but not obvious that Mom was. She complained about his alcoholism all the time, but "enabled" it regularly. Her father was an alcoholic. She was repeating what she grew up with. Luckily, I haven't repeated that family pattern, though 2 of my 3 brothers have repeated.
About Adult Child and Alanon groups, there's lots to read and many groups all over the world. I hesitate to say a lot beyond the fact of how it opened up and changed my life. Everyone's experience is different. The ANONYMOUS and NO CROSS TALK (aka "advice")parts of AA and Alanon are critically important as they allow people to discover what works for them and what doesn't. So it's ironically a very personal and individual journey within a supportive group context.
Go to a meeting; there's lots of them. All are free. Most appear to be non-judgmental
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post #55 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 03:14 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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Yes. You and I shouldn't feel guilty for things we have no control over.

[IMG][/IMG]

Amazing book.
eh, my mind spends half its time in the future.

not because of anxiety or worry, however. but for anticipation. excitement. and hope.

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #56 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 03:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

I like that @As'laDain and I need to be a little more optimistic about the future...which is really scary for me. However, I think if you spend too much time looking forward you are at risk of wishing your life away and not appreciating the present.

Glad you don't worry about the future, it keeps me awake at night.
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post #57 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 03:37 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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I like that @As'laDain and I need to be a little more optimistic about the future...which is really scary for me. However, I think if you spend too much time looking forward you are at risk of wishing your life away and not appreciating the present.

Glad you don't worry about the future, it keeps me awake at night.
I'm always planning something. always. it seems that every time I see something new, I am already trying to figure out how I can use it later on down the road.

its not how I always used to think, but nowadays I see even crisis as opportunity. all life is opportunity. without it, there is neither failure nor success. without opportunity, we simply don't exist. think about what you can do with what you have. you cant do that without living in the moment, for the moment is where the opportunity is. and if you really want to make the most of it, you will use each opportunity the present gives you to create the kinds of opportunities that you want for the future.


"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #58 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 03:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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I'm always planning something. always. it seems that every time I see something new, I am already trying to figure out how I can use it later on down the road.

its not how I always used to think, but nowadays I see even crisis as opportunity. all life is opportunity. without it, there is neither failure nor success. without opportunity, we simply don't exist. think about what you can do with what you have. you cant do that without living in the moment, for the moment is where the opportunity is. and if you really want to make the most of it, you will use each opportunity the present gives you to create the kinds of opportunities that you want for the future.

I do know what you mean - honest. I am big on lists. I make a long list of things to do and feel satisfied when I cross them off in the evening. I remember when we had major building work done on the house which I was the overseer of. It was kind of stressful yet empowering; getting things done, problem solving, thinking outside the box, watching our achievements, taking pride. It was hugely therapeutic.

I am currently studying for a masters degree. I just finished my first assignment which has been a major headache and rather stressful (have I overreached myself?). But now it is done and sent off I feel proud of myself for not quitting (a lot on my course have dropped out already). If I get a pass I will be pleased. One down three to go. Its a satisfiction in a masochistic kind of a way.
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post #59 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 04:10 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

@peacem

Is the situation with your niece giving you motivation & incentive to cut back on the drinking?

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #60 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-21-2016, 04:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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@peacem

Is the situation with your niece giving you motivation & incentive to cut back on the drinking?
It is THE reason. Alongside watching my brother give up on his responsibilities while slowly drinking himself to death. It scares me - I don't want to end up like him.
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