Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-02-2016, 06:04 AM Thread Starter
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Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

I've done a search and cannot find any thread already started for this.

It is not just for alcoholics or heavy drinkers, but anyone who wants to stop, cut down or just talk about alcohol issues.

I thought we could make it a no judgement zone.

I'll go first (hopefully I won't be talking to myself but if I am well never mind...)

I have been screened for alcoholism and she said I was a heavy drinker not an alcoholic but I am definitely in the danger zone.

I tend to be an emotional drinker, not a social drinker (hardly ever drink in public or with other people). I can go days and weeks without drinking but if I become triggered, or my anxiety rears its ugly head I do self medicate with booze. I also use it to induce sleep when I am worried. I can easily drink a bottle of wine to myself (but rarely go over that as I do have a stop button of sorts). After drinking a bottle of wine I rarely feel drunk or out of control, nor do I get hangovers - so I think I must have developed a tolerance over the years which worries me.

Rather than cutting down I have decided to just stop altogether and find a healthier way of dealing with my anxiety. Not sure what that is yet but firstly I will start to track my progress in a diary, what triggers me, how I deal with it. I want to live as long as I possibly can for my children and have more money to experience and see things that don't end at the bottom of a glass. I am watching my brother slowly drink himself to death and I cannot do anything about it - but I can do something about me.

Anyone want to join in? If not that is fine - I will track my progress as it may help or encourage someone reading.

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/
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post #2 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 05:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

Ok day 3 of no drinking. Stress levels have been quite high and I have had trouble sleeping for the few 2 nights. Talking my worries through with H helped a little but in honesty he is so passive he doesn't understand why I worry. Last night, however, I slept very quickly and like a baby regardless of anxiety. Maybe alcohol was making sleep worse?

Weighed myself at three days ago 147 lbs. Weight today 145lbs.
Saved £15

Anxiety a little less this morning. Weekend will be a challenge because we traditionally drink on Friday, Saturday and usually Sunday.

Last 1/2 bottle of wine was made into a casserole last night, we have 1/2 a bottle of JD and a whole bottle of malt whiskey (which I hate but H loves). I could give the JD away but H likes it.
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post #3 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 05:52 AM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

Before I quit, after 4+ drinks I would always wake up in the middle bathed in sweat with my heart pounding, having not had a restful sleep to that point. Sometimes the intensity of the pounding was down right scary. It happened every single time.

@peacem, I think it is freaking awesome that you are quitting. Your body will thank you later, even if you struggle now.

You can do this.

Paging @bandit.45.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

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post #4 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 09:45 AM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

I want to congratulate you on making the effort. its a very difficult thing to do, but please keep up the effort.

Alcoholism runs in my family, I was just fortunate enough to recognize it before I started drinking, and to never start myself. If I did start, I don't know that I'd have the strength to stop.
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post #5 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 10:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
I want to congratulate you on making the effort. its a very difficult thing to do, but please keep up the effort.

Alcoholism runs in my family, I was just fortunate enough to recognize it before I started drinking, and to never start myself. If I did start, I don't know that I'd have the strength to stop.
Both parents of my niece are alcoholics. Last week we were in a restaurant and we were talking about hereditary diseases when she asked if that means she will become an alcoholic (she's 15). It was a difficult question to answer but it made me think I need to be a better role model for her as she seems to see me as a saint (which I'm not ).

Strange but both my parents are tea total but all three of us are heavy drinkers - brother definitely an diagnosed alcoholic.
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post #6 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 10:38 AM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

Its possible your parents recognized their own risk early (like I did) and never started drinking. I think that is much easier to do than to stop once you have started.



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Both parents of my niece are alcoholics. Last week we were in a restaurant and we were talking about hereditary diseases when she asked if that means she will become an alcoholic (she's 15). It was a difficult question to answer but it made me think I need to be a better role model for her as she seems to see me as a saint (which I'm not ).

Strange but both my parents are tea total but all three of us are heavy drinkers - brother definitely an diagnosed alcoholic.
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post #7 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 12:36 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

Congratulations on taking the first steps. Keeping a diary is a very good plan. I recommend AA, but only when and if you feel ready. It is a commitment.

When you get the urge...change things up. Change your routine, clean house, go jogging, work out, get your mind and body focused together on one activity.

A second recommendation is sex. Lots of sex to get your brain pumping seratonin and dopamine. That is what you actually crave when you crave alcohol. It's not the alcohol, but the chemicals your brain released to counteract the alcohol. Wake your husband up and fvck his brains out. Ride him like a lawnmower, often and for a long time.

Third, talk to someone. One reason I stress AA is that you can get a sponsor who will be there to talk you through your cravings. I'm sponsoring two guys right now and they call me several times a day. That's why I'm here.
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post #8 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 02:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

@bandit.45 - thank you. Good idea. I was going to say that sex is a lot better sober - orgasms come quicker and I can keep going with them. When I have been drinking it seems to numb everything, so although my inhibitions are lower it takes longer to get there, my imagination doesn't work the same.

Good work you do with AA. x
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post #9 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 02:23 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

Grandmother, both parents, sister, and wife all alcoholics. Thank goodness most of them realized they had a problem and sought help. Congrats to you on seeking the same. Definitely seek AA when you are ready, it has helped my family. One day you may be able to pay it forward by sponsoring someone.

Not sure what my problem is, I recognized very early that drinking to drown my problems was not something I wanted to do. It was a very lonely existence.

Keep it up and definitely ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask your husband for help by removing temptation from the house. Sure it sucks to not have a little bit around for easy use, but after a while, I don't really miss drinking anyway.
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post #10 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 02:27 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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Originally Posted by peacem View Post
@bandit.45 - thank you. Good idea. I was going to say that sex is a lot better sober - orgasms come quicker and I can keep going with them. When I have been drinking it seems to numb everything, so although my inhibitions are lower it takes longer to get there, my imagination doesn't work the same.

Good work you do with AA. x
Cardiovascular exercise and weightlifting seem to take the edge off for me. Have you tried yoga or crossfit?

It's been two years since my last relapse and I've been sober since, but I still trigger often. I would say however that I am probably farther up on the scale of alcoholism than you are.

During these sporadic episodes when you drink...do you binge? By that I mean, do you go for days guzzling all the alcohol you can find until you pass out every night? I am a binge drinker. I can go decades without drinking, but when I relapse I go full gusto binge...to the point of poisoning. I do the Leaving Las Vegas burn-out binge. Awful.
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post #11 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 03:00 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

I am from an alcoholic family. Both parents, their siblings and their friends. WWII generation.

I am one of five siblings. All became alcoholics, but me.

Why not me?

First and main reason? It was/is my wife who loudly laid down her law. She too saw this in her overseas family and did not want me to also..... succumb.

Second reason? Alcohol makes me sick. Thank God. I cannot physically process the stuff.

Third reason? Athletics. I love to run, bike, swim.

Fourth reason? This could be reason number one. I leave it in fourth place. I hate fat. The thought of having a beer belly bothers me. Plus, as I age, the more I put on weight the harder it is to run. This year has been doubly hard with my weight. I am fighting a serious illness. Next year I will get back to fighting weight.

Fifth reason? I only like beer. I do not have a beer belly or a hollow leg. I get filled up after two. Thank God.

Sixth reason? Hypocrisy. I cannot sneer at, have disgust for, regale those family members that ruined their lives, and mine by extension, for being drunks. I have since forgiven all. Alcohol is a powerful seducer. Few can stay away from it.....totally. I still drink beer. Not much, mainly to wash down pizza, steak, ribs, BBQ.

The healthy trick in life is to practice moderation. Damn easy to say, very hard to implement, consistently. Life can be hard [read suck]. People can be hard to live with, [read, they blow canal water]. Our Era and all Era's before us were hard to deal with. Unless you are a potato or a slug you cannot help but being affected by this crap. It makes you angry, depressed, all the pressures. Alcohol and drugs provide relief and escape from this. Such a bad idea.....this. The ancient Picts drank Mead. We still do. It is called Budweiser or Moosehead, my favorite.

Jason and the Argonauts drank to much wine. The Sirens took them to the sexual cleaners, turned them upside down and shook out their common sense and their instinctual fighting, righting Mantra.

Todays Hollywood sirens are still at it. Nothing changes.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #12 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 03:00 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

Great thread!

My history with drinking is a bit strange. It started when I was very young (elementary school) at home, hiding under the table at my parents frequent “c0cktail parties”. My dad was a naval officer and these parties just seemed to be part of the culture. Anyhow, we (with siblings) would observe the adults, from our hideout under the table, and sneak drinks from the table. The adults looked like they were having a blast and those drinks were great, mostly blended daiquiri-type drinks. We thought they were yummy. Of course we usually ended up asleep under the table and when found out were scolded for not being in bed. I don’t think my parents realized we were smashed.

As a teenager I began to pay more attention to the behavior changes in the adults during the course of these parties and started to realize how stupid some of it was. I would even get not so subtle sexual advances from some of my parent’s drunken friends. This totally put me off alcohol and that attitude lasted throughout college and young adulthood. I basically equated alcohol with being drunk and acting like an idiot.

And then, when I was around age 30 and making good money I discovered good wine. For many years I became a social drinker … a glass or two of wine when out at dinner or a party, but never more than a little buzzed, never “drunk” and no hangovers. During the last 3 years (or so) of my (horrid sexless) marriage is when I started to drink wine at home, almost every night. I remember a few times being surprised at the low level of the wine bottle and definitely went to bed beyond “buzzed” a few times.

After I left my H, this behavior continued for about 3 months. I began to notice that even if I only had one glass of wine in the evening, I was tired the next day, no hangover but definitely more tired than I should be. That scared me and I began to think that this nightly drinking I had been doing had “done something” to my liver. That maybe I was so tired the next day after one drink because my liver wasn’t functioning well enough to get rid of the alcohol/toxins fast enough. That did it for me and I quit drinking completely, I don’t buy it, don’t keep it in the house, haven’t had a glass of wine in 2 years now. Good wine is my nemesis .

I guess my story with alcohol is a story of how drinking too much can sort of creep up on you without you realizing it. I grew up in an alcohol culture so I think that is part of it too. And, you don’t necessarily have to be out in the bars and falling down drunk to be a “problem drinker”.
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post #13 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 03:24 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

I started drinking when I was ten. I was probably a full-blown alcoholic by the time I was twelve. I stole my booze...from my dad, my grandparents, stores... I would go to this old dry goods store where the candy rack was right by the liquor. I'd steal little half-pints of Jim Beam and Wild Turkey , and shove them inside my pants and then buy a couple candy bars to hide the theft. I got away with it for a while until I got caught. The store owner was friends with my dad, so I didn't get arrested, but my dad cleaned my clock. But I still kept mooching booze wherever I could get it.
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post #14 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 03:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

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Cardiovascular exercise and weightlifting seem to take the edge off for me. Have you tried yoga or crossfit?

It's been two years since my last relapse and I've been sober since, but I still trigger often. I would say however that I am probably farther up on the scale of alcoholism than you are.

During these sporadic episodes when you drink...do you binge? By that I mean, do you go for days guzzling all the alcohol you can find until you pass out every night? I am a binge drinker. I can go decades without drinking, but when I relapse I go full gusto binge...to the point of poisoning. I do the Leaving Las Vegas burn-out binge. Awful.
According to Drinkaware website (I track my drinking) I am a binge drinker. But the reason why I don't think I am an alcoholic is because I have a cut off of usually around a bottle of wine. I can pour half a glass of wine down the sink because I don't want to have a hangover or because I am starting to feel drunk. My problem is that I can drink a bottle of wine every night and it not touch the sides, sometimes not even drunk, just sleepy. I will gulp it rather than savor it. I have never passed out. I don't even think about drinking until 9pm when I start to worry about sleeping, or start to worry about worry .

Your drinking is like my brother. I went to his birthday party last year and he was so drunk by the time we arrived (7.30) he could barely remember our names. By closing time he could hardly walk and we had to practically carry him home. His wife said he does this every weekend. It was very scary to watch. I don't want to get like that.

My niece came to our house last sunday because her dad was 'sleeping off his hangover'. I thought what a waste.

Last edited by peacem; 11-04-2016 at 03:43 PM.
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post #15 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 03:37 PM
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Re: Giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread

When my dad would go fishing on the river, he always carried a pint of Yukon Jack with him. He started giving me sips at about 6 years old. Then whenever I would ride to my aunts cabin, to the river, or the beach, it was nearly always in the back of my dads truck under his camper (Lord, would I NEVER allow my child to do that!). There was always several pints of it back there. Essentially at age 8 and 9, I would arrive at these places buzzed.

High school and the Army were one big party. I even had a bar in my room while stationed in Germany. I discovered wine with my ex wife. Then I became a "sophisticated" alcoholic. It was not unusual to drink two full bottles in a night, and I would normally buy high quality for the first bottle, and one step above jug for the second one because I knew I would drink that much.

A few years ago I discovered vodka. That stuff is pure evil; completely wrecked before you even know what hits you.

I knew when I was drinking while driving my son home from school it was time to put it down.

Other than being served alcohol by mistake twice (one sip each time), I have not had any drinks since March(ish) 2014.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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