How serious is this drinking problem - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 08:21 AM Thread Starter
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How serious is this drinking problem

My wife is 32, 5'7", 115lbs, no kids, married 6 years- together 9.

She drinks approximately 7 - 8 liters of wine a week for the past 5-7 years. She usually drinks 5 liter boxes of Vella and will go through one box every 3-4 days. Last night she drank and entire 1.5 liter bottle of Sutter Home in 7 hours, this was completely typical behavior. When her sisters interact with her, they usaually ask if she's been drinking. When they ask when I'm around, I always tell them that she drinks all day everyday, my wife will flip out on me in private when I tell people this.

I paid for her to get a MS degree in Educational Leadership but she failed the Praxis test 3 times although she got a 4.0 in grad school. She tried to get a real estate license but failed that test 3 times. I blame the test failures on alcohol and general apathy.

She also smokes a pack of cigarettes everyday, and has had that habit since she was 16.
I did seek treatment facilities for her 3 years ago and located several. I sought to get her into a local program on a weekly basis but she declines stating she would stop or slow down on her own.

She got a DUI in June while running to the grocery store at 10pm to get a pack of cigarettes.

We are currently divorcing.

I posted here a few weeks ago in the Considering Divorce section, here is that thread: Need advice before divorcing

Thanks for the help,

Mike

Last edited by 53791263; 12-01-2016 at 08:49 AM.
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 09:31 AM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

Seems serious to me. But who cares, you're getting rid of her. No way in hell could I be with someone that smokes, let alone a pack a day!

Start a new life. Distance yourself from her and only focus on you. That means hit the gym, eat/drink healthy, and see a therapist if need be. Time to make yourself happy.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 09:42 AM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

That's a huge amount of alcohol. The large amount, the frequency, the apathy, not caring about her own safety or safety of others....

She won't stop on her own. If you are divorcing her and there are no children there is very little you can do. I would put your energies into protecting yourself and your assets - alcoholics generally are not good with money.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 09:50 AM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

Very serious. It's too bad that she's slowly killing herself.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 10:08 AM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

Yes, this is a big problem. Addictions galore. I've taken real estate license exams before and they are quite easy, there's no reason to fail three times. She's not only going to hurt herself but others to. Divorce her as fast as you can .

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 10:20 AM
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How serious is this drinking problem

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Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
Very serious. It's too bad that she's slowly killing herself.


Faster than she knows. Liver failure from alcoholic cirrhosis is a horrific way to die.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 11:24 AM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

I have always thought that if someone's drinking was a problem for one person in the relationship, it was serious. I hope she gets the help that she needs, but if you are getting divorced, please remember that her problem is not your problem any longer especially because you don't have kids together.
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 07:27 PM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

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Originally Posted by 53791263 View Post
My wife is 32, 5'7", 115lbs, no kids, married 6 years- together 9.

She drinks approximately 7 - 8 liters of wine a week for the past 5-7 years. She usually drinks 5 liter boxes of Vella and will go through one box every 3-4 days. Last night she drank and entire 1.5 liter bottle of Sutter Home in 7 hours, this was completely typical behavior. When her sisters interact with her, they usaually ask if she's been drinking. When they ask when I'm around, I always tell them that she drinks all day everyday, my wife will flip out on me in private when I tell people this.

I paid for her to get a MS degree in Educational Leadership but she failed the Praxis test 3 times although she got a 4.0 in grad school. She tried to get a real estate license but failed that test 3 times. I blame the test failures on alcohol and general apathy.

She also smokes a pack of cigarettes everyday, and has had that habit since she was 16.
I did seek treatment facilities for her 3 years ago and located several. I sought to get her into a local program on a weekly basis but she declines stating she would stop or slow down on her own.

She got a DUI in June while running to the grocery store at 10pm to get a pack of cigarettes.

We are currently divorcing.

I posted here a few weeks ago in the Considering Divorce section, here is that thread: Need advice before divorcing

Thanks for the help,

Mike
Wow, that kinda sounds like the old me, I almost hit rock bottom, my husband didn't like me very much, my girls 26 & 27 barely talked to me and the list goes on.
I knew I was an alcoholic but did not know how to stop, I would different things like nothing before noon, only six beers, what ever I tried I could not stop one night me and my husband were fighting so I went downstairs to finish getting smashed, sometime during the night I asked my higher power to please help me not drink.
The next day I checked myself in 7 day detox, went to stay with my sister for a while and I joined alcoholics anonymous, I haven't had a drink in a year and 1/2, I love aa so very much, it saved my life and for that I am grateful! !!
I know this is loong, so if your wife would like to talk to someone have her get in touch with me or your local Alcoholics Anonymous.
They will love her until she can love herself.
Good luck to you and your wife.

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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 07:38 PM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

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Wow, that kinda sounds like the old me, I almost hit rock bottom, my husband didn't like me very much, my girls 26 & 27 barely talked to me and the list goes on.
I knew I was an alcoholic but did not know how to stop, I would different things like nothing before noon, only six beers, what ever I tried I could not stop one night me and my husband were fighting so I went downstairs to finish getting smashed, sometime during the night I asked my higher power to please help me not drink.
The next day I checked myself in 7 day detox, went to stay with my sister for a while and I joined alcoholics anonymous, I haven't had a drink in a year and 1/2, I love aa so very much, it saved my life and for that I am grateful! !!
I know this is loong, so if your wife would like to talk to someone have her get in touch with me or your local Alcoholics Anonymous.
They will love her until she can love herself.
Good luck to you and your wife.

Sent from my SM-S906L using Tapatalk

Sent from my SM-S906L using Tapatalk
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 08:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

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Wow, that kinda sounds like the old me, I almost hit rock bottom, my husband didn't like me very much, my girls 26 & 27 barely talked to me and the list goes on.
I knew I was an alcoholic but did not know how to stop, I would different things like nothing before noon, only six beers, what ever I tried I could not stop one night me and my husband were fighting so I went downstairs to finish getting smashed, sometime during the night I asked my higher power to please help me not drink.
The next day I checked myself in 7 day detox, went to stay with my sister for a while and I joined alcoholics anonymous, I haven't had a drink in a year and 1/2, I love aa so very much, it saved my life and for that I am grateful! !!
I know this is loong, so if your wife would like to talk to someone have her get in touch with me or your local Alcoholics Anonymous.
They will love her until she can love herself.
Good luck to you and your wife.

Sent from my SM-S906L using Tapatalk
My wife doesn't seem to care to change. We have been separated for 4 weeks. 4 weeks ago when I initially told her I wanted a divorce she threatened suicide, which caused a 911 call and further separation. she moved back into the home 3 days ago though. I texted her sister that she had drank 1.5 liters of wine on Tuesday, then again on Wednesday so she would get an idea of what I've been dealing with. The sister said she had no idea that my wife drank so much.

So the sisters all spoke to my wife last night and my wife then tried briefly to tell me that if I would have given her an ultimatum (cigarettes and wine or Me), that she would have quit both. I've been telling her to quit smoking almost every day for 9 years and have been on her often in the past 5 years about slowing or stopping her drinking. I do not believe that she is serious, I think she's trying to manipulate me and then she'll go back to her old ways within a week... this is how it ALWAYS goes with her.

I think I need to move into an apartment, maybe go on some dates with normal women. I went on a date last weekend with an attorney. Sat and spoke for 3 hours over dinner. Motivated, healthy, lively woman.
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 08:44 AM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

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I think I need to move into an apartment, maybe go on some dates with normal women. I went on a date last weekend with an attorney. Sat and spoke for 3 hours over dinner. Motivated, healthy, lively woman.
Why do you need to move? Make her move out and take her booze and cigarettes with her.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 09:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

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Why do you need to move? Make her move out and take her booze and cigarettes with her.
I know, but how do you make someone move? She is on the mortgage just as I am (we refinanced together 2 years ago), although I did purchase the home 1 year before we married, she picked it out and decorated with decorations that I bought. I can't think of any legal remedy that would force her out. I'm spending extra time at the office, my home life is spent in the home office and I live in the guest bedroom.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 09:34 AM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

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I know, but how do you make someone move? She is on the mortgage just as I am (we refinanced together 2 years ago), although I did purchase the home 1 year before we married, she picked it out and decorated with decorations that I bought. I can't think of any legal remedy that would force her out. I'm spending extra time at the office, my home life is spent in the home office and I live in the guest bedroom.
I would urge you to speak with a lawyer about this. A friend of mine moved out of the home he had with his wife and she sued him for abandonment during the divorce. You may be stuck living with her till the divorce is final unless you can agree to a separation.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 01:00 PM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

Cirrhosis may hit before your divorce is final.
Addictions are very sad ..........for ALL involved.
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 04:08 PM
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Re: How serious is this drinking problem

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How serious is this drinking problem
You tell me. I sure wouldn't let a drunk take me down with them so my solution was DIVORCE!

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We are currently divorcing.
Good choice!

choose happiness
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