Sobreity is destroying my marriage - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 02:17 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

Does your wife go to meetings/have a sponsor? I think a good sponsor would be kicking her aZZ right about now.
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post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 02:42 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

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Originally Posted by Ms. GP View Post
Does your wife go to meetings/have a sponsor? I think a good sponsor would be kicking her aZZ right about now.
Could you elaborate, please, Ms. GP?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 05:22 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

Most people in recovery do not recommend making any life altering changes/ new relationships in the first year of recovery while the brain chemistry is still healing. Not to sound too crass, but most people are horny early in recovery. The brain is screaming for dopamine and sex is just another form of dopamine. Most recovery centers are pretty good about separating women and men most of the time too. A good indicator of a good 12 step group is the men and women are pretty separate too.
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post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 07:57 AM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

OP she could very well have lost love for you before she ever started communication with the guy in jail. She feels more of a connection to another addict than she does to you so she latches on to what fits. Her making all these comments about "setting you free" and "not meeting your needs" are just her deflecting her true feelings, she wants out of the marriage but instead of admitting that she tries to pretend it is for your benefit.

Is she drinking to the point of excess and needs help? You bet. Is getting involved with another addict destructive behavior? Absolutely. Is she in a position to be making life changing decisions? Probably not. Regardless…if she stops drinking and dumps the convict that doesn't mean your marriage will be repaired, it seems to me she is trying to escape her current life.
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post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 09:51 AM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

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OP she could very well have lost love for you before she ever started communication with the guy in jail. She feels more of a connection to another addict than she does to you so she latches on to what fits. Her making all these comments about "setting you free" and "not meeting your needs" are just her deflecting her true feelings, she wants out of the marriage but instead of admitting that she tries to pretend it is for your benefit.

Is she drinking to the point of excess and needs help? You bet. Is getting involved with another addict destructive behavior? Absolutely. Is she in a position to be making life changing decisions? Probably not. Regardless…if she stops drinking and dumps the convict that doesn't mean your marriage will be repaired, it seems to me she is trying to escape her current life.
Exactly
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post #21 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 02:16 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

I agree. There are no guarantees that the relationship can be repaired. I was just concerned about her support system. She is absolutely responsible for her actions, but to be fair there is predatory sexual behavior of both males and females in some twelve step group settings, and a good support system/sponsor can help someone new navigate those waters.
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post #22 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 04:12 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

As a recovering alcoholic, and a person who has an addictive personality, I can tell you for certain you will live a much happier and better life without this woman. She is broken my friend. File for divorce and find a healthy, sober woman who can love you like you deserve.
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post #23 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 04:23 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

This is Bull$hit. Man up. Tell her to go and be with this heroin addict / inmate. You don't need her or this situation.

Let her know that you are contacting her parents, her family and her friends- everyone and telling them that she is leaving you for an inmate/heroin addict and you will be asking for their support in getting primary custody of the kids with monitored visitation only.

Come out swinging- she needs a wake up call.


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post #24 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 04:25 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

And if it gets ugly- ask her to have drinks and chat. Let her run off the rails and film it. Let her drive, then call cops.


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post #25 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 04:50 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

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And if it gets ugly- ask her to have drinks and chat. Let her run off the rails and film it. Let her drive, then call cops.


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Wow. Sh***y advice you're giving there. Encouraging an alcoholic to drink then drive.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #26 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 05:07 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

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Wow. Sh***y advice you're giving there. Encouraging an alcoholic to drink then drive.
I saw the Sh**ty advice comment and my first thought was "That's not a very nice thing to say to another poster".

Then I read the advice which was to let a person with a drinking problem get drunk and drive and my second thought was "That's sh**ty advice".

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post #27 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 08:10 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

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Also, I do want to make clear. That just painted a very bad picture of who she is, and who I am. She is a highly educated, highly paid person in the medical field. Falling for a criminal is not who she has ever been. Its crazy.
She's an addict that feel in love w/ another addict while in rehab.

Not exactly remarkable.

Either way, her addiction isn't the only battle that you're fighting here.

Anyway, tagging @ButtPunch and @Ms. GP for input on the addiction/rehab stuff.

ETA: I see Ms. GP is already here, which is good.

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post #28 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 10:35 PM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

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Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
Wow. Sh***y advice you're giving there. Encouraging an alcoholic to drink then drive.


Well the rest of my advice is spot on. You can tell him to go to counseling or try and talk to her, but she chose an addict over him and a convict no less. He needs to kick her to the curb, protect his kids and assets and find someone who loves, appreciates and respects him.


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post #29 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 09:01 AM
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Re: Sobreity is destroying my marriage

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
As a recovering alcoholic, and a person who has an addictive personality, I can tell you for certain you will live a much happier and better life without this woman. She is broken my friend. File for divorce and find a healthy, sober woman who can love you like you deserve.
QFT

I don't understand the question here.

It seems she has already made her choice.

Your best bet is to take Bandit's advice and let her go.
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