Re: The last attempt
Inmyprime, no worries, man, I appreciate the response. You are 100% correct in that the overwhelming majority of men, and some women look at porn in differing degrees, for sure, especially with its anonymity, availability, easy access, etc. It is pervasive in our culture and a bigger industry than Apple. I think men, women, and couples are all over the place with it. I can only speak to my own experience. Having been exposed to it, and it having been a private and regular battle, especially at a young age, as my sexuality was forming, definitely was influential in forming arousal templates in my brain, etc. Rather than forming a healthy sexual development based on intimacy, the objectification of women's bodies readily accessible in porn created something entirely different. As such, I brought this into my marriage. My wife and I have always been friends, and we get along very well, but secretly within our marriage, I allowed my porn use to cause me to control our sexual intimacy. It became more about fulfilling my fantasies, rather than our uniting as one, and it being an expression of our love for one another. Rather than seeing my wife as a person, she was a means to an end-my satisfaction. In my case, pornography was not enough. I discovered an internet chat room maybe 10 years ago, and that represented a new level of excitement. This was a different level altogether, a different level of infidelity. It's a very very long story, and to encapsulate it would take me an hour to write it. My arousal template, created when I was so young, is something that I am working through. I believe attraction is very important, but I have been unreasonable in this regard, based on an unrealistic expectation, which I trace back to porn. Now, I"m just trying to discover what normal intimacy looks like, and how to love my wife unselfishly, and love her for who she is, and see her essence, rather than just her body. It's a process for sure.