Relationships and AddictionWhether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.
so i guess the answer is "no," it is not safe for me to drink again.
It's not for me either. That was the conclusion I came to when I worked the first step in AA and realized that I was powerless over alcohol.
Once I take the first drink, all bets are off and there's no telling where it will take me. Who knows if it will happen the first time I drink, or months, or years down the road? I can't risk it.
The fact is, I like the way it makes me feel (at least temporarily while it's in my system), and I can't just have one or two like some people. I know how I'll want to feel and a few beers won't do it for me.
In my book, that makes me an alcoholic.
If you don't think it's safe for you to drink again, and still live the kind of life you want to live with your family, then I'd say there's a good chance you might be like me.
"Normal people" who aren't alcoholics, have no problem balancing family life, work, and having a few drinks every now and then.
Just keep going to meetings Voivod. Don't give up. You've worked hard to get where you're at.
Once I take the first drink, all bets are off and there's no telling where it will take me.
me too!!! and i know that from the get-go. i know that it's going to get crazy. and i don't really care if it does.
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Originally Posted by Chris H.
The fact is, I like the way it makes me feel (at least temporarily while it's in my system), and I can't just have one or two like some people. I know how I'll want to feel and a few beers won't do it for me.
which is why i began drinking hard liquor. i hate the taste, but the buzz was cool. then i'd end up in stupid situations...
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Originally Posted by Chris H.
Don't give up. You've worked hard to get where you're at.
my problem, upon review, is i have worked hard. where am i at? i'm sober, but miserable because my wife cannot see or admit that i am fine. i am getting sober for her and my kids. okay, for me too. but i've never been as motivated as i am now.
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
i'm sober, but miserable because my wife cannot see or admit that i am fine. .
Herein lies a problem.
If you work the steps and get active in the program, you won't be playing the blame game, and you won't have time to be miserable.
You will be a lot more attractive to your wife if you are sober and happy because you are living in the solutions to your problems (going to meetings, talking to your sponsor about these things).
Do you have a sponsor in AA?
How often do you speak to him?
How many meetings per week are you making?
How long have you been sober now?
Getting sober for me was the most important thing I ever did. It may very well be one of the most important decisions you ever make too. Don't half-step it. It's your life we're talkin' about here.
If you work the steps and get active in the program, you won't be playing the blame game, and you won't have time to be miserable.
You will be a lot more attractive to your wife if you are sober and happy because you are living in the solutions to your problems (going to meetings, talking to your sponsor about these things). i think i've burned her out. winning back her love has been the most difficult thing i've ever done.
Do you have a sponsor in AA? yes
How often do you speak to him?weekly
How many meetings per week are you making?1, originally a meeting per day
How long have you been sober now? 8 months on january 19th
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
You should probably be making at least 3 meetings per week right now too. That may have a lot to do with you feeling down lately.
meetings get me down chris. seeing all those people having such a tough time with substances...relapses every week!...these people don't know what they are doing to themselves AND their families! it wipes me out emotionally. i care, but i'm starting to hide my "care." if they keep losing control and relapsing, sometime i think "hell with them." terrible, i know.
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
these people don't know what they are doing to themselves AND their families! it wipes me out emotionally.
i actually stopped going to the combined alanon/AA meetings for this very reason. for me it was b/c i got so angry. my sister was married to an abusive alcoholic at the time and hearing some of the people really ticked me off.
meetings get me down chris. seeing all those people having such a tough time with substances...relapses every week!...these people don't know what they are doing to themselves AND their families! it wipes me out emotionally. i care, but i'm starting to hide my "care." if they keep losing control and relapsing, sometime i think "hell with them." terrible, i know.
There's a couple of things that might be going on here. One could be the mettings you're attending. I don't know what the area you live in is like, but in my area there are a lot of meetings to choose from, some with more long-term sobriety than others. My home group has many regulars with 10 and 20+ yrs of sobriety and a few with over 40. It's anything but depressing. If anything, the place should give people a lot of hope. On top of it all the group has a pretty good sense of humor.
So maybe you need to travel a little farther to find a good group?
The other problem could be that it's pretty normal for people to try and talk themselves out of going to meetings. There's plenty of times I don't feel like going, but I go anyway because I know I need to. It's not a question of whether or not I want to.
You also might be hanging around the wrong people. Don't hang out with people who are relapsing and not working the program. You're going to have to get involved with some people that have at least a few years sober, who are involved in the program, and excited about it. Do service work and stick with the people that have the hapiness you're looking for.
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Originally Posted by voivod
these people don't know what they are doing to themselves AND their families! it wipes me out emotionally. i care, but i'm starting to hide my "care." if they keep losing control and relapsing, sometime i think "hell with them." terrible, i know.
My sponsor always says, when you're done taking other people's inventory, put your name on it. Your upset because you're seeing what you did to your family, and that hurts. It's fine if you want to say "the hell with them." People who are relapsing are only going to remind you how bad it is, and while that serves a purpose you don't need to be their best buddy to learn the lesson. You're not in much of a position to sponsor anyone right now, so you need to focus on saving your own ass. "Hell with them," is fine, don't feel guilty about it. Find some people in the program who have quality sobriety and are leading a happy life.
V~ my father in law was sober for two years than had a drink, it was over for him and he gave it up and went back to AA. He was near twenty years and figured a beer wouldn't hurt him, well the whole family knew and said nothing. His personality changed, money came up missing etc. Finally a cop pulled him over for DUI. His drinking was destroying the family while he thought he was doing okay. He didn't have the clarity that others did. Now his family is about all he has left.
Even if you are not an alcoholic is it worth risking your wife and family to try to prove a point? I have respect for what you did, what you are doing and how far you have come. Even though I don't respond as much anymore I still read everything you write and silently cheer you on. You have climbed mountians from when you first came here. We have cried with you, and prayed for you.
A sign, a term it is just that. I could feel bad that I am called crippled etc. Some days are better than others. It matters who you are inside now. What you do and the choice you make.
You say that you don't need the alcohol, okay prove everyone wrong and come back in twenty years and brag about being sober, huh?
My sponsor always says, when you're done taking other people's inventory, put your name on it. Your upset because you're seeing what you did to your family, and that hurts.
hurts??? i'll tell you what i see. i see guys and gals who are hanging on to what they have by the thinnest of threads...and they keep screwing up. me, on the other hand, am living the most honorable life, and it's not coming back. it pisses me off.
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Originally Posted by Chris H.
you need to focus on saving your own ass. "Hell with them," is fine, don't feel guilty about it. Find some people in the program who have quality sobriety and are leading a happy life.
okay. i think i'm pretty self-centered right now and am trying to justify my efforts. you posted earlier that you thought i was looking for an excuse to drink. you were close, but nope.
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
Even if you are not an alcoholic is it worth risking your wife and family to try to prove a point? I have respect for what you did, what you are doing and how far you have come. Even though I don't respond as much anymore I still read everything you write and silently cheer you on. You have climbed mountians from when you first came here. We have cried with you, and prayed for you.
oh, i know i'm a loaded gun with regard to alcohol. but then again, isn't almost everybody in the same position asi am that has an alcohol problem. maybe it would be a good excuse if i failed.
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Originally Posted by draconis
You say that you don't need the alcohol, okay prove everyone wrong and come back in twenty years and brag about being sober, huh?
draconis
drac--i promise you. i could do this forever.
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
me, on the other hand, am living the most honorable life, and it's not coming back.
Voivod, I'm sorry, but being in denial about your alcoholism, and trying to talk yourself out of going to the one meeting per week that you attend, all while not working the steps, is not what I call "living the most honorable life." You sound like someone on the verge of a relapse to me.
Re: alcoholic???
