confidential accountability, massage addiction
First time posting here on this website, have read several of the chat threads, wanted to give it a shot. Without going into a tremendous amount of detail, except to say that I am a male, and have battled for years with what began as pornography addiction, then progressed to online chatting, emailing, and now has managed, over the past year, to include sensual massage addiction. I have been on the roller coaster of recovery from sexual addiction for a few years now, and have found it difficult to escape from the power of what is contained in the sensual massage. It is not unlike a drug addiction, complete with withdrawal effects, etc. I honestly do not struggle with pornography or chatting anymore, but I do struggle with the touch associated with the massage. Maritally, I am married, and my wife knows my struggle, as we have been separated for the majority of the past few years due to the consequences of my own choices(bringing my former porn addiction into the marriage, and the subsequent chatting). She has had her own issues as well, as we have had a completely dysfunctional marriage to this point. We both sincerely want to get healthy and someday have a healthy, functional, honest relationship in which we can enjoy real intimacy. This struggle this year with massage had at it's roots our separation and my loneliness, and lack of physical touch. It has been overwhelming at times. The very receipt of touch, although it feels wonderful at the time, threatens to prevent me from ever enjoying health and the kind of real touch and intimacy that I should only receive from my wife.
**So, I am really interested in anyone who would be willing to begin an anonymous GroupMe or individual chat thread in order to keep each other, or just me accountable to overcome this addiction. I need someone that I can email, very regularly, over the next several months, to be honest with, who understands this addiction. I need multiple layers of accountability because I know there will be withdrawal, etc. Is there anyone out there who is willing/understands this struggle? This can become an open topic, but please feel free to message me privately if interested. Thanks for reading.