Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 09:54 AM Thread Starter
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Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

So my GF and I were having a casual conversation and the topic of trust came up. Fortunately, we both have a strong trust of each other. Then she asks me what my thoughts were on if her kissing another girl is considered "cheating". She said she wanted to be sure where our boundaries were. I started by saying that if something becomes emotional for another person and leading to more, I would consider that inappropriate and a form of cheating.
She said what if there was no emotions involved wouldn't that be different? That she would never think about anything more than just kissing. I said I think so, but would need to think about it. At that point, my kids entered the room and we decided to table the discussion to next time (obviously).

At first, in all my naivety, I thought it was a random thought or hypothetical she had about trust and cheating. But the more I thought of it, I started wondering if there was something more to it? Should I ask her straight up if she recently kissed another girl or is thinking about kissing another?
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 09:59 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

Curious, if she asked you how you would feel if she kissed another guy, would you have responded the same way? I don't any difference in asking this vs asking to kiss another girl.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 10:11 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

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Originally Posted by Houstondad View Post
Fortunately, we both have a strong trust of each other. Then she asks me what my thoughts were on if her kissing another girl is considered "cheating". She said she wanted to be sure where our boundaries were. I started by saying that if something becomes emotional for another person and leading to more, I would consider that inappropriate and a form of cheating. She said what if there was no emotions involved wouldn't that be different? That she would never think about anything more than just kissing. I said I think so, but would need to think about it.
I mean use the logical side of your brain for a minute. I know its hard if you're emotionally invested in someone but take a step back.

If she has to ask THESE kind of questions than that's a HUGE red flag. She's scoping her options out and you have a high chance of getting burned.

She's clearly not looking for a solid commitment if she wants to make out with other women. No one, who was ready to settle down, would suggest this.

Have your fun if you want too. Play your cards right and it sounds like you could pull off a three way. But you're a LONG way from a serious relationship.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 02-15-2017 at 11:43 AM.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 10:13 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

Red Flag
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 10:22 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

Is it just sex, and therefore okay, if no emotions are involved?

It sounds like she may be bi, and wants to find out if that is something you'd be okay with to the extent of letting her explore it, or not. I think you should wrap up your thinking about it, and revisit the conversation with you conclusions, or some more questions and then decide how to address the boundary issue.

You could also ask her if is okay - or that it's cheating - for you to kiss another girl, if no emotions are involved. Whether or not it leads to more!

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 10:33 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

Time to get to the bottom if it.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 10:34 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

Some girls will kiss another girl for your entertainment since it's a common male fantasy. Could she have been feeling you out for that purpose?
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 10:36 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

It appears your GF is testing the waters with you and your openness to her doing other things other than being your GF.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 10:46 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

Yes it's cheating.

Where do you draw the line?

Text daily but no emotions?

Kissing but no emotions?

Feeling breasts but no emotions?

Feeling genitals but no emotions?

Kissing genitals but no emotions?

Full on sex but no emotions?

Gender doesn't matter.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 11:12 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

If she's asking this question, it's either something she's already done, wants to do presently, or thinks she will want to do in the future. She said specifically that she wants to know what the boundaries are, which basically means she's asking, "Is it ok with you if I do XYZ?"

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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 12:33 PM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

It has never even crossed my mind to ask my husband that question. Or any other guy I've been involved with.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 12:58 PM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

First thing,are they your kids or both your kids.Has she ever showed you any inclination towards bisexuality before,to your knowledge has she ever kissed another woman other than a relative before.This sort of curiosity is a lot more common than men like to think.I shared an apt with two gay girls for years and they often discussed this behaviour.In most cases the first kiss these curious girls had with another woman was also the last.I would wait for her to bring up the topic again,if she is awkward about talking about it then she has either allready kissed another girl or wants to.If she is just talking about it as a hypothetical matter then she may just be curious.In my opinion for what it's worth,two people in an exclusive relationship should not be kissing other people,either male or female.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 05:33 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

It was certainly some sort of test, either she wants to kiss a girl, has kissed a girl, or possibly suspects you've kissed a girl and is trying to draw you out.

How could there be no emotions involved? I think lust is as powerful an emotion as any. I wouldn't sweep this under the rug, finish the conversation and ask why, those weren't random questions, something is on her mind.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 06:05 AM
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Cool Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

I don't really give two hoots in hell who she's kissing, be it male, female, or frog!

She has already somewhat established a firm bilateral relationship with you by having fostered that premarital GF/BF union with you! That activity is now supposed to be reserved exclusively for you!

Translation: Serious red flag, IMHO!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 09:32 AM
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Re: Girlfriend asking about kissing another girl

From January 10th:

"She gets mad if I don't call her enough or she doesn't feel like she's the #1 priority in my life. And I try. I am the first to say good morning and I am always calling her to say good night. It's almost like she feels it my responsibility to do so since I was the one who got cold feet. I feel like I walk on eggshells now.

I truly love her and want to have a life with her, but I can't move ahead with her resentments, her wall, her trust, and her other insecurities. We plan to have this talk about taking the next step this weekend."

After two years, you're just now finding out that she likes to kiss girls? You need to listen to your gut more often. Your fears about moving in with her were/are valid. If you had moved in with her, you probably wouldn't be learning about this until after she had done the deed. What else is she hiding?

Last edited by Blondilocks; 02-16-2017 at 09:55 AM. Reason: sp
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