Forgiving cheating husband - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:21 AM Thread Starter
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Forgiving cheating husband

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 5 of them. I've suspected something was going on for a while but had no proof and he denied cheating on me.

In November he admitted to me that he has been looking at porn on line, mostly gay porn, and posting pictures of himself as well. To me this is cheating, but he claims it isn't as bad because he wasn't talking to anyone personally, just sharing photos.

I've known he was bi since before we got married, I'm his second female partner and he's had one other male partner. Him looking at men isnt a shock but from what I saw it was mostly men.

Before he told me, he claims he deleted all of his accounts and all of his saved porn. He said he did this a few days before he told me. He claims he realizes he is addicted and was trying to make a fresh start. To me it seems like he was trying to hide it, but was worried I'd find it anyways so he told me. So I couldn't see what he was doing exactly, only what I could find after the fact.

My trust in him has been shattered. Im having a very hard time forgiving him or trusting him. We fight non stop about it.

He made an appointment with a marriage counselor after he told me, which is new for us. We've had a few sessions but I don't think they're helping. He doesn't talk and she just talks to me the whole time. I feel like it's a waste of money.

We have no children , just a house and a lot of shared debt.

He says he's quit porn since November and hasn't looked at it. I can't trust him since he lied to me for years, but he's insistent. He seems to be genuinely trying but I don't think I can forgive him.

The biggest thing to me is that he told me someone offered him money after he posted some pictures of himself, and he tried to collect it. He wasn't able to, but the fact that he tried is prostitution to me. He says he never thought much of it and was just trying to get 'free money'. He claims this only happened once and that he never took any money for pictures or sex.

Am I wasting my time? Will I be able to forgive him eventually? How can I start? I've seen enough of what he posted that I'm reminded of it in every room of the house. I want to forgive him and trust him again but I don't know how to start.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:00 AM
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Re: Forgiving cheating husband

Your WH needs some serious counselling. You still sound young, you have to think about your own future, not only has he lied to you but he has also attempted to prostitute himself.
Go for counselling alone, its a bit early for MC you both have demons to deal with.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:06 AM
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Re: Forgiving cheating husband

He's got eyes for the gay guys.

There are lots of married men who are having sex with OTHER men and their wives are completely in the dark. The porn, the apps, sharing of pics?
I'm a guy, I look at porn - my wife knows I do - normal stuff. But I don't talk to anyone, I don't look for sex online or meeting someone or anyone for sex.

With Tinder - I think it has a range/distance thingy on it - so if he wants to get some "Action", he can find someone a few minutes away - meet up and have at it. A quickie during lunch break. Or maybe after work on the way home. And a lot of them are having unprotected sex (this is based on stats) - as many younger men in the gay community is expecting AIDS ti be cured or won't kill you any day now.

I bet if you offered your husband to "open the marriage" for him to have his GUY FIX, he would jump on that yesterday. That should give you an idea of his mindset. Not all bisexual people are like your husband... but you know him more than we do... and we can only go by what you have told us.

Cheating with a man or woman - doesn't matter, its cheating.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.

Last edited by TaDor; 03-07-2017 at 05:21 AM. Reason: Posted before done.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:33 AM
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Cool Re: Forgiving cheating husband

As I've intoned on here on numerous posts, "a leopard rarely, if ever, changes his spots!"

Be wary!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 01:39 PM
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Re: Forgiving cheating husband

We've went through something similar in our relationship, but the reason why we fell apart at that time was me, getting off of my medication, in fear 😱 that we couldn't afford it, but I have to have it, or I'm a totally different bipolar person whom she hates the actions of. Yes, I did stupid things in the past, which I'd never do again. Shauna is a wonderful lady, and I can't even fathom or do I want to think about being without her. Yes, it was hard for her to forgive me at first. The good lord above helped her forgive me, eventually, though. Believe me, it's a terrible thing, not having trust in a relationship, since that is the foundation of a good relationship..
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 01:45 AM
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Re: Forgiving cheating husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry86 View Post
My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 5 of them. I've suspected something was going on for a while but had no proof and he denied cheating on me.

In November he admitted to me that he has been looking at porn on line, mostly gay porn, and posting pictures of himself as well. To me this is cheating, but he claims it isn't as bad because he wasn't talking to anyone personally, just sharing photos.

I've known he was bi since before we got married, I'm his second female partner and he's had one other male partner. Him looking at men isnt a shock but from what I saw it was mostly men.

Before he told me, he claims he deleted all of his accounts and all of his saved porn. He said he did this a few days before he told me. He claims he realizes he is addicted and was trying to make a fresh start. To me it seems like he was trying to hide it, but was worried I'd find it anyways so he told me. So I couldn't see what he was doing exactly, only what I could find after the fact.

My trust in him has been shattered. Im having a very hard time forgiving him or trusting him. We fight non stop about it.

He made an appointment with a marriage counselor after he told me, which is new for us. We've had a few sessions but I don't think they're helping. He doesn't talk and she just talks to me the whole time. I feel like it's a waste of money.

We have no children , just a house and a lot of shared debt.

He says he's quit porn since November and hasn't looked at it. I can't trust him since he lied to me for years, but he's insistent. He seems to be genuinely trying but I don't think I can forgive him.

The biggest thing to me is that he told me someone offered him money after he posted some pictures of himself, and he tried to collect it. He wasn't able to, but the fact that he tried is prostitution to me. He says he never thought much of it and was just trying to get 'free money'. He claims this only happened once and that he never took any money for pictures or sex.

Am I wasting my time? Will I be able to forgive him eventually? How can I start? I've seen enough of what he posted that I'm reminded of it in every room of the house. I want to forgive him and trust him again but I don't know how to start.
What does he mean when he said that he tried to collect the money? Does that mean that he was going to prostitute himself? How else could he have collected the money?

I would very much concerned that you donít know the whole story. You might have found the tip of the iceberg. He might very well be meeting guys already and you have just not stumbled on the proof. He might not have taken money for sex or pictures. But he exchanging pictures with men and he very well might be meeting men for sex.

Even if all heís doing is exchanging sexual pictures of himself with other men, thatís cheating. Donít let him guilt trip you into thinking otherwise. How would he react if you did the same thing with other men?

Perhaps you should get tested for STDs.

It sounds like he has a huge draw towards sex with men. In that case, there is no way that you can satisfy him sexually. Heís going to be driven to find menÖ as you caught him doing.

Iím sorry to say but I think you are wasting your time. He has needs apparently that you can never fill.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 11:57 PM
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Re: Forgiving cheating husband

Good Question? Was it for pics or sex?


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