Has she always been like this with you? Or do you feel her fantasy/celebrity issue was the cause? Just like porn, its probably not the cause but a symptom of a deeper issue. If you didn't marry her like this, then sounds like something went wrong for her, or something happened to where she needed to bury her feelings in these fantasy worlds etc. She doesn't sound selfish to me really, but more possibly hurt, angry, and disconnected. The key is, to find out what happened to her. That will be hard and something you may or may not ever find out.
It's been a pretty dismal sex life for well over 12 years, been together for 20. Before that we were better, not perfect but better. What went wrong? you're right I couldn't tell you but over the years there has been many fights (I know now that was a bad idea) and discussions but little progress. She always professes she desires me but her actions do not show it.
I've tried many things (see other posts) but nothing changes.
Forgive me, I'm going to try an analogy here using icecream and I'm not good at it.
My wife and I like vanilla icecream. She tells me how much she likes it and that she now only wants vanilla ice cream for the rest of her life (because you have to choose one you know LOL). I dutifully bring her ice cream, mostly serving it to her, but occasionally gets it herself. After a few years she starts not getting it herself but still enjoys and accepts it when I serve.
She does have a small cup of pistachio or chocolate when I'm not around but mostly has vanilla when I am and that doesn't bother me.
Over time her interest in vanilla slows, the freezer stacks up, but chocolate and pistachio is still eaten when I'm not around. I try adding sprinkles or syrup and that works for a short time but never for long. I ask her if she still wants vanilla and she still says it's her favorite, that I should still get it and try and serve it.
I'm having issues now, the freezer is over flowing with vanilla and melted bowls and cones are being thrown out all the time.
I try different types of vanilla, different freezer settings and even offer to mix a little chocolate or pistachio into the vanilla but only on a rare occasion will she have some but most of it still gets wasted.
To my surprise I find a hidden mini freezer stacked full of half eaten tubs of chocolate and pistachio. When I confront her on it she says it's no big deal and insists that she still wants her favorite ice cream vanilla. She indicates she is uncomfortable asking for it and that I need to just serve it to her.
I try different bowls, add syrup but still rarely accepts it. The freezer is overflowing with vanilla and it's causing issues again. I suggest to her that she's not that into vanilla anymore and maybe needs to look for another favorite ice cream. She cries and tells me I'm wrong, that she loves and wants vanilla ice cream and she will work to prove it.
Again, this improves for a short time but then the freezer starts overflowing with vanilla again, the garbage continues to have empty containers of chocolate and pistachio.
1 - have you ever seen such a lame attempt at an analogy?
2 - Would you believe your wife wants vanilla and would you continue to try?
(And yes I purposely picked vanilla to describe sex with me and the fun type for her porn
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